HI Jerry H. Your whole paragraph resonates with me… The first year after my husband of nearly 50 years died I spent most of the time crying and coping. The 2nd year reality sets in, this is for ever. I also have good long term friends who are very supportive, however always aware they are going home to their partner and when I open my door no one here. I am very aware of I am one the still living and need to honour his memory to keep going forward , and see our grandchildren grow up, which he did not have the opportunity to do.
I also started a journal where I just let the pen flow my true innermost feelings. It used to b every day, not I may go a week or so before writing. When I see other couples together it cuts deep into my soul. Something treasured lost for ever.
Yes others going home to their partners changes friendships with those with them. They just have no understanding anymore. Only those in the same boat. Went to a group and everyone happened to be a widow. Before I had visited with my husband. Noticed there was only one man there now whereas before he was not only man there and found other men to chat to about his world. I am not in the circle of widows. Feels I am on the outside looking in. I am different to the others who seem to like sitting in coffee bars. I just don’t want to do that. Don’t like bingo, playing games with adults, talking about books, can cope with knitting, but I want to go to aqua aerobics but there are no vacancies. I have been offered an e bike on loan by a moving on scheme which is solitary. I don’t like coach trips and shopping. I want to draw, write and make things which I don’t need or do much with. Play with kids and animals. Like to walk, garden and arrange flowers. I think I will maybe one day find another who likes the same thing
I am so pleased to read this thread I was thinking that it was just me. It’s eighteen months that Frances passed away. The pain and crying is getting worst. I miss her so much, I have been trying to move on but the moment I am home the tears start. I suppose that only time and writing on this site can help me. Thanks for reading the thoughts of a old man.
Hi @Carl2242,
My best wishes to you. Yup, it is truly and utterly awful. I know exactly how you are feeling.
I don’t really think about “moving on”. Anyway, moving on to what exactly? Instead I try to “get by” and that has to be enough. There is the world outside which is simply not my world anymore.
Certainly finding this site has been a great help to me. Reading what others share and being able to write my own thoughts knowing that the folk here will understand what I am saying.
As for “time”? Sorry I really don’t know mate.
I suppose he means moving on with your life ? I like to think im just taking my husband along with me … in my heart hes right beside me - i find that the most comforting thought x
Today is Remembrance day. Next Saturday is my Rembrance day a year ago my husband died.
Yesterday I visited the silhouettes of soldier’s display at the place me and my late husband went so many times. As I saw how beautiful it looked in the Autumn sun it was like his ghost was sitting on every seat because over the years we had sat on them from when our kids were young to when he was an old man hobbling to the next seat. He never fought in war but his life seemed like a kinda war against things like fighting against the slow relentless deterioration of his ailing body. Trying to keep up hope, valiantly going through each procedure. Then he lost battles until he lost the war and was defeated finally literally falling out of bed eating his last breakfast and dying. I wasn’t there. I was too late. Why keep struggling on and how
to do it? Well I ask myself that every single morning. This morning I washed a bag of veg from the allotment he used to tend and ate the spinach he planted. He struggled to grow it. And I eat it with the potatoes he planted. Tastes nice. Thanks I say. He used to say it was soul destroying if I didnt and I do not want to destroy his soul as that is the only hope I have. I want to find that.
Well yesterday I do it with both of us for my grandson walking by my side. I tell him stories. I listen when he says his feet are cold. Here you are get yourself some warm boots. My husband would have after all. I know it. He wouldn’t like it any more than I do. He says he is hungry so I feed him. He says he is worried so I will tell him just do your best that is all you can do. Remember it will be alright if you do what you can do and not worry about what you can’t do. I say you are smart. So I laugh at his jokes. I love him to bits like I love them all. He says yes it is sad. And my son gets angry at me but he’s struggling too. We all are.
We are trying for each other. Yes I go home alone shut the door. Tears fall down every day. I am getting used to them. I say come on. Do what you aways did and try to do what he did. I say help. He isn’t there. He said you will be ok. But I am not ok. But I might be. One day I might see an angel. Not a heavenly one I mean a kind soul walking by. We might get talking, walking, laughing at a dog, helping each other out. That is how it starts. Two poor souls trying to do the best we can along the way. Bless
Aw … you mean meeting someone ? Yeh well dogs are a way of doing that arent they ? Help you to meet people … my remembrance day is in a months time … i hope.you will be ok next week xxx
Been watching 45 walks on netflix
May have been 25 walks
What a lovely post @Enorac. Thank you. I wish you strength and comfort for your forthcoming Remembrance day.
I made a wreath from our garden
Well done ! What a lovely thing to do xx
Thank you. So onwards. Been to a bereavement group this afternoon had to share something each of us had to remember person who died. Was interesting. Bit of stretch to get everything in today as my foot gave way so went to see GP. Lucky to get to be seen. New one. Lorry driver in way was rude but I guess that life. I was thinking before my husband used to get appointments for me. Up to me now. No one else will. He used to take me as well. I was lucky. Now I saw come on he said I would be alright. Don’t think I am really but maybe he is around me in my mind somewhere. Still struggling where he is. Hate to think nothing. Like idea of that poem about part of the universe. When I read some people didn’t have as long as I did I need to be grateful what I did have not what I didn’t have. So many wishes still how it wasn’t a proper way along the road always. Anyone read Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan a classic book. About pilgrim’s journey through life and he doesn’t keep in the straight and narrow and makes mistakes along the way and gets back on track until the end.
@JerryH here are two video links that I follow… both are our age group, and len is without children. I find them helpful … because they are so honest … just to share. Please keep as well as you can. Take care.
https://www.youtube.com/@travelingwidow
travelling with jack and pam
https://www.youtube.com/@lenandcindypresley....4830
len and cindy presley