Hi Lucy1 I know what you mean about people not wanting to mention your loved one but I like to think they don’t mean anything by it but just don’t want to upset you , if it makes you feel better talking about him then do it . Having said that I don’t talk about Rob too much because the people around me know him anyway so I tend not to .
Hi Richard
Julian and I met at university when he was 18 and I was 22. We moved in together 3 months later, married 3 years after that and had our 2 children within 20 months of each other. He was the most dedicated husband and father, always putting us first, even in the last days of his life. He too had cancer, very aggressive bone cancer. He was diagnosed last October and died in July. I miss the everyday of being with the only person who really knew me, and vice versa. He (nearly) always dropped what he was doing if I needed someone to listen. He was there for me 24/7. It was such a cruel ending to the life of a wonderful person.
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Hi Fleur-de-lis. Anywhere wild was our favourite. In Scotland we saw eagles. I used to try to teach Julian how to identify the birds by their songs but he didn’t take it very seriously and used to make wild guesses when he knew which bird was singing really. We didn’t do stargazing but that does sound romantic 
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I love ‘Something to Remind you’ by Staind as Julian chose it as one of the songs to be played at his funeral
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Dear @Lucy1,
I am so sorry you lost your beloved husband and people don’t want to seem to talk about him. In my opinion, some people are just selfish, and don’t care about the fact someone else might want to talk about their loved one who died, avoid these people at all costs, you don’t need them in your life. However, most people don’t talk because they don’t know what to say and are worried they might say something that causes upset.
So, you might just have to start the conversations and bring your husband into them. Your true friends will be more than happy to listen and talk about him, that’s what I do about my dad, I just start talking about him, my true friends never seem to mind, they then talk about him too. I also have a friend, she makes bags, I will ask her to make a bag with the words “I love my dad” on it, so I can always carry that around with me, and I have my dad as the profile picture for WhatsApp, so these are the kind of things I do to keep his memory alive. Please keep talking about your husband, talk about him as much as you like and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Hugggsss.
Dear Lucy.
Just to say I love the idea of a bag saying that. I am sure if your friend made lots of bags, she could make a fortune! What a great idea!
Hugs,
Ann
Xx
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Thank you, Abdullah. I do get him into conversations as much as I can so I guess eventually others will follow suit.
Lucy
@RichardM how awful that is that they didn’t call you to Karen’s side for that conversation and now you have to wonder about how it unfolded. I am sorry you have that.
That’s good you can cook enough to eat proper food and that you learned some baking from Karen. Maybe you will one day make some cakes and be reminded of how she taught you. What we would give to cook or be cooked for by our loved ones again but it’s nice you have these memories.
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Hi all , it is great to see people talking about their loved ones. I am new to this group , but am 17 months on this horrible journey. And it’s true what you say people don’t want to mention their names. I was married for 43 years, and am completely lost and lonely no matter who I am with.
Mike
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Welcome Mike. I’m sorry to hear that people are still not talking about your partner after 17 months. I have tried a few things to get people to talk about Julian, since I started this topic, and I’m starting to see results:
I am a good model, bringing Julian into the conversation regularly so that people realise that he is not a taboo subject
I tell people that I find it comforting to hear his name spoken and to hear their memories of him
I follow online events such as National Grief Awareness Week recently and the charity The Good Grief Trust, and share their posts on Facebook alongside my own thoughts and experiences; I like to think that this will help others who are, or will be, bereaved too.
Would you like to tell us your loved one’s name, Mike? I hope that this site might help you feel a little less lost and lonely. Sharon
Thank you Sharon. Her name is Winnie , we were married 43 years, she is from Ireland and I am from uk. We worked in England for most of our married life , but moved over to Ireland a few years ago. I have 3 adult sons , 2 in England and 1 in Ireland. They have been a great support to me.
I hope you are doing ok.
Mike
Sharon , I just read your profile, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, I noticed it was last July. Winnie died 15 July 2019. It is still early days for you . I hope you are managing ok.
It’s not an easy life we have been given.
Thinking of you.
Mike
What a lovely thread this is. Thank you Lucy for starting it. We should always talk about our loved ones. I think I mention my husband to someone every single day. Often, when with family, we will burst out laughing remembering something about David. I also have a memory jar where I will write down memories when they pop up and into the jar they go. Keep talking everyone. Much love. Xx
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My sister commented that I seem to need to talk about Julian and that is exactly right. It might not suit everyone who is grieving though.
Thanks Mike. I am doing ok. I’m fairly proactive with regard to finding coping strategies and my kids have also been very supportive, as have my friends.