1 month tomorrow without stepdad. List of things I miss

I miss my mum’s happiness.

The laughter, the conversations well into the night.
I miss him coming up the stairs saying ‘goodnight princess’, ‘alright chuck’ and so on.

He’d double check locking the doors, make me smile if I was sad just by looking at him. He had a beautiful contagious grin and a glint in his eye that was pure and genuine.

He had time for anyone and alot of men keep coming up to mum asking if she’s okay. She is not. She cries to sleep every night.

I miss hearing the sound of him coming back from the pub knowing it was settling down for the night time

I miss his walk up the stairs that was his sound, I miss his 4+ cups of tea every morning. The kettle was always boiling. I miss him looking out the kitchen window always watching the garden.

I miss having long talks with him about anything and everything. The weird and the wonderful. The way he’d be open to talk. I miss my best friend. I miss feeling safe and protected. I miss the light he brought to this house as a family. I miss him so much. A month tomorrow.
This isn’t the way I ever thought it would be. Cancer is wicked. I miss my dad.


So sorry Jembella

I wish we could re-write history and bring those memories back to reality for you.

I lost my dad last year out of nowhere - cardiac arrest in his sleep.

I feel the pain that you have. It does subside. I never believed it, but it does.

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Dear Jembella
I am so sorry for your loss i know what it is to lose a wonderful dad and mum to cancer.
but what wonderful memories you have of such of such a wonderful man who was your dad. You have recognised all the important real stuff and the way you phrased it was endearingly beautiful like a memorial poem, which demonstrates what a beautifully endearing bond you had as a family. And it is just like you have been a tree and one of the branches was chopped down. But hears the thing despite the fact that you have lost your dad for all your tomorrows you still have all those yesterdays that you loved and you can hold on to all those memories and carry them with you as you slowly move on. You may have lost him but you will never lose the wisdom and things he taught you. And others will see him in you and in the way you behave. Hold onto the feeling of his grin and remember what he did to make you grin. Keep some of those habits of his going that you want to. It is nice that his friends are checking on your mum it shows you how well he was thought of and how much his friends cared about him that they are doing this its wonderful. Sometimes when someone is so wonderful and so much larger than life the hole is that much emptier. Its kind of the same feeling like at Christmas when we take down the decorations and lights and its just not the same. Of course as it is someone you were that close too the feeling is so much stronger but you have expressed it so well that so many of us can really relate to what you have said in our own ways, whoever we have lost . We understand. Thank you for sharing this wonderful man with all of us. We are thinking of you.
Take care

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Got a lot of comfort from your post EllDubs. When you’re in the thick of your grief it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In such a scary time it’s good to hear that things will get better

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thank you for replying i appreciate it. well all 3 of you.
i do poetry occasionally to get everything out, Steve really meant the world to me and was my family. it is like you say - a branch has been cut off and attacked.

yes the hole is horrifically emptier but steve filled such a hole. thanks for being kind in such a dark time. i’m struggling everyday to carry on frankly. i know i have to but i just wish i didn’t have to. i just wish i could be with him somehow in whatever way there is.
i’m grateful sue ryder exists but its so difficult right now.

thanks for replying. i found it difficult and emotional that i had to reply in my own time when i felt ready. i apologize for that. i’m sorry for your loss too.
unexpected sudden death is why it sucks. i can relate so much. the pain…it seems to stay.