Facing the morning that will mark a week since losing my husband is bewildering. How can it be a week already??? We were only chatting a minute ago and making our plans for the weekend. Having moved house over the last few weeks, we had a long list of jobs (of both the pink and blue variety) and facing them on my own seems both daunting and comforting at the same time because keeping busy is helping. However, trying to focus with my head full of manic moths (in that I am flitting from task to task whilst trying navigate a million distractions and interruptions) is totally exhausting. Likewise, the circus of grief that has set up camp is exhausting in that I feel like making a laminated card, so I don’t have to retell the events that led to his death because it is distressing rather than cathartic. Any advice on how to navigate the next 5 minutes (my current time frame for coping) would be welcome x
@SwissArmyWife I am saddened by your loss. It will be raw for you right now, Shock, Numbness. It is so manic in the first couple of weeks. If i were to advise you on anything i would say to look after yourself first and foremost. Take things at the pace you want to go. Don’t over do things as you will soon find out it gets exhausting. My wife died 3 months ago and it feels like an eternity. These forums have given me so much comfort. We all get how you are feeling because we have all felt it too. xx
I am going through the same thing. Just over a week and there is a cold, numbness to life. Can’t offer any advice, just an understanding of what you are going through.
Oh Mick, so sorry you have joined us, but you will hopefully find reassurance that what you are feeling is very normal in the circumstances. My husband died 8 Oct, so the initial raw shock, which lasted about 8-10 days for me, has morphed now into something else.
There is no wrong or right way to deal with what must be one of the most terrible life events thrown at us. It’s awful, no use pretending otherwise. Do keep posting, others can offer great words of comfort.
All the best.
Thanks. Stay well.
@SwissArmyWife Swiss, it’s so sad when new people post, as everyone knows how difficult it is and what you are going through. Personally I think your navigating the next 5 minutes is a good plan.
The only way I am dealing with it, I decided to just ‘roll with it’ be that sobbing, just sitting doing nothing, sorting out stuff, whatever it was, and I think that has helped somewhat.
Given I am a pragmatist and a ‘just get on with it’ type of person usually, this different approach to letting emotions happen has helped somewhat.
I decided if I tried to deal with such a traumatic event (suicide) the way I do with everything else, I wouldn’t get very far, hence the rolling with it approach.
All the best, and you are doing just fine.
Swiss, I am so sorry that your husband died. Mine did too. It is horrible. The worst ever. Even after losing many loved ones, my husband was always here for me. Now, he isn’t, so I live hour by hour without my rock.
I make a list of 5 things that must be done each day, get them done, check them off, and it gives me a feeling of accomplishment and a bit of physical evidence that I am not stagnating. It’s the best I’ve got.
The first few weeks are just a blur. Numb, anxious, exhausted, sad, scared, robotic.
Just feed yourself, feed the pets, pay the bills. That is all you have to do at this time. Everything else can wait.
Cry your eyes out. Cry until the tears stop. Eventually they will. The roller coaster of emotion is normal. Whatever way you are handling your loss is the right way.
My widow friends, one for 25 years, one for 19, and one for 4 years, all tell me that it does get better and the pain is not so intense. I believe them as they have all moved forward in life in all ways. We will too.
I wish there were words to heal our broken hearts and lives, but there aren’t. No pills, no injections, no words, nothing but the passage of time. Cruel indeed.
Much love.
@SwissArmyWife my thoughts are it’s you at this very difficult time. I am nearly 14 months in and one thing that helped me in the early days was to see the days of blocks of time and only focus on the block you are in. Depending on my mood it used to be an hour to an hour and a half (never more than two). I would devote that time to whatever I’d decided to do and I never thought of anything else. Sometimes it was practical things, and other self care and relaxation.
Take care x
So sorry you have to navigate this nightmare we are all in. I found the hardest part was having to tell people what happened. Every time I left the house I would bump into another person who asked where my husband was. We went everywhere together. It made me avoid going out. I’m 7 weeks in and I haven’t had to explain for a while now which is such a relief. I am dealing well with the how are you question now. I just say keeping busy and then ask after them. In the early days I would cry which I felt so embarrassed about, I am not one for showing my emotions to acquaintances. So in that sense it does get better. In the first weeks my mind continually replayed his last 24 hours. Questions ran through my mind constantly. That has also quietened down. Still have fuzzy brain, still cry when least expecting it, still find it hard to accept what happened. But I know I’m surviving, and I know things have improved and will continue to do so. I like to believe I will be happy again one day. You too will navigate your way through in your way. No one can tell you what you should do or feel but know you are not alone and staying in the now rather then the past or future is a safe place to be. Hour by hour, day by day and you will get through the worst of it.
Hour by hour. Exactly.
Thank you for your replies. Today was tough but it’s bedtime so I guess I got through it. Some if the suggestions resonate strongly with what I’m already doing. I have visited with various friends today in order to avoid the ‘This time last week’ thoughts that were arriving uninvited, which has helped. I am so glad that this group popped up on my Facebook because although all the people I know are feeling bereft at his passing, the widow layer is incomprehensible to all but 2 of them.
Thank you 
I am also just rolling with it. I do appear to have misplaced my filter when talking to people and feel manic most of the time but I’m hopeful that will ease in time.
It’s the suddeness of it all that I can’t wrap my head around and the disbelief that people had when they were informed of his passing. I am trying to say yes to the suggestions of those around me such as lunch or coffee because I know that giving in to the temptation of taking to my bed and residing in the devastation and disbelief would do a number on my mental health. Please be kind to yourself and take care x
Mick
I lost my husband unexpectedly and suddenly and really feel for you. Sending hugs
I understand what you are saying so well. My husband had been poorly over the last 7 years. He saw his GP in August , had many tests and scans and started chemotherapy on Friday 20th September and he passed away in my arms on Monday 23 September 24. The shock and devastation are unbearable. Sending you many huge
Thanks Kate 
@MickUK
Hang in there, I am 21mths ahead of you and I too lost my husband suddenly, massive heart attack, no signs, no warnings, he was slim, fit, healthy, didn’t smoke and occasional drinker, age 62, one minute here and the next gone. I was in shock and numb for the first 6mths (this stage protects you from feeling the full force of grief). Over time it does get more bearable but everyone feels things differently and at their own stages. There is hope and a new life ahead, albeit it a different one. Take one day at a time and be kind to YOU
Thanks Lyn, the sudden unexpected death of Carol was particularly traumatic. She too was fit and well.
Still keep going over the moment in my mind, I guess it gets easier in time.
The mind constantly replays it over and over, it’s the way it processes what happened. It fades over time once you reach a stage of acceptance. We look for some kind of control to make sense of it all but death is out of our control. Nothing we could have done. Carol is at peace now and you have to find some peace within yourself now. It will come but it all takes time. Not gonna lie, it’s an awful journey but life goes on and you will too when you are ready. Reach out and talk about it. Plenty of good listeners on here