1 year on

I have not posted on here for a while. It will be one year tomorrow since my partner Ed died. I miss him every day and talk to him every night. Some days I feel he is not here and other days I talk to him and even manage a smile thinking of him. But I am still here and getting on with life without him which I never thought I would manage. Friends are good and my family are very good with me so I am lucky perhaps but I still wish Ed was here to hold me when I worry and to share good times with me. The lockdown has in a strange way helped as people are not going out as normal doing fun things with their partners so I feel they are same as me. Is that weird or a cruel thing to think ? Anyhow tomorrow I will relive every detail of my Ed’s last hours and cry a lot but I hope he will give me a sign that he is happy and safe and waiting for me. The journey of grief continues for me but it does feel different in many ways. Not better or worse. Just different. Thank you to everyone on this site who helped me many times last year and I hope you are all well and strong.

2 Likes

Dear Lizzed,
Thank you for coming back to this site to tell us how you are doing a year after losing your partner. I think your message will help to bring some hope and comfort to those who have recently been bereaved and wonder how they will ever cope with losing their partner.
I don’t think that it is weird or cruel that you have found the lockdown has helped you in some ways. If you read recent posts from others you will find people who have said the same but also others , who are finding this lockdown time very hard, especially those who have lost someone due to this virus.
As you rightly say, grief is a journey and we are all at different stages. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. First anniversaries of the death of our loved ones can bring up so many emotions. I hope that amidst the tears you will find comfort in the many happy memories you must have of the life you and Ed had together and that in your heart you will feel his love. xxx
Jo

Thank you Jo. Today is difficult but lots friends texting and calling and lovely memories on Facebook. Ed is still being kept alive by everyone remembering him and that helps me so much to cope.

1 Like

Hi Lizzed
Lockdown has helped me too. I am 14 months from losing Steve. Coming back into an empty house was my biggest problem. But now I don’t go out I feel a lot calmer. It is a false sense of security though.