So yesterday was the first anniversary of my Dad’s death. It sounds brutal like that but a bereavement is brutal. Tbh, I never envisaged reaching the milestone without having a breakdown. 12 months of firsts, 12 months of torrential emotions battering my fragile ship as it tossed on its sea of grief. Grief is as painful as it is unforgiving & relentless. Flashbacks to watching my Dad dying, haunted my thoughts, both day & night. Feelings of guilt, anger, confusion. That new normal, which your brain has to construct around the person that’s missing. Looking at a person’s belongings & knowing they took pleasure in them yet never would again, hurts. I’m different because life’s different. You don’t get over it, you plough through it. I hope others who have just started this journey know they’re not alone. Those feelings you’re experiencing are normal as your brain processes this trauma. Minute by minute is the way fwd & that applies to the funeral too & beyond. Some friends won’t know how to approach the new you so don’t be surprised if some friendships breakdown. Help & support can come from unexpected quarters. Take care all. Xx
@Cee so sorry for your loss. I am just over a year past December losing my mum and I can relate to everything that you have said. This life without them is awful my mum was my go to and it’s true there are ones you think will be there but are not and ones you don’t expect who are. You feel like you are doing ok then out of nowhere the grief hits you, even sleep has been really bad again for the last few weeks. I thought I was doing ok for mothers day tomorrow went to the shops and it was just torture and been a mess all day. Thank you posting this, I come here as my go to when struggling as know other people in the same position who get how we are feeling. Take care 
Hi Cee,
I completely agree with everything you have written. It’s 14 mths for me and I feel the same.
Deborah x
Hi Valda,
Yes agree with all you have written too
It’s a real struggle just surviving each day,week and month. Never thought I would reach this far when my mum passed in Dec 22.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
@seychelles we are both still here posting as our mums were around the same time. I don’t know where the time has gone either still feels like yesterday and it’s not any easier and another mothers day without them. Just want it to be over with, she loved birds so I have solar ones to put out for her in the garden. Sending hugs and thinking of you tomorrow
Hi Valda,
I remember you posting over a year ago. There were quite a few of us who lost our mum’s around the same time.
Who would ever have thought we would have managed to teach a year without them. Last year mothers day was very painful as it was also the same day as my birthday so I had 2 firsts the same day. Mother’s day is earlier this year .
The pain is still the same though.
I was just stay presents for my mother in law and felt so sad. I would give anything just to see my mum again.
Here for you if you ever need a chat
Deborah xx
@seychelles I am the same miss her so much and the reality of the year is how much she was there for me and my son. I would say just go to nanas or phone her about anything, even shopping I see things I would pick up for her, it’s hard. We have got this far it’s not easy and thank you
Hi Valda,
That’s exactly how I feel. I have tried to avoid shops mum and I went to and it has helped a little.
She was always in the car with me so have avoided driving as much as possible or I put things on the passenger seat.
Hope you are getting through today. Just a few more hours to go then it will be over.
Love Deborah x
@seychelles I had a wee cry this morning and then I could hear her say it’s just another day hen pull yourself together and get through it. I am out with my son for his football game so a good distraction for me. Hope it’s not been too difficult for you today to.
Hi,
That’s the best thing today to keep busy and distract yourself. I am just ignoring the day otherwise I would get myself into a terrible state and the impact would last days.
Just picked some flowers from my garden for her
Sending love
Deborah x
Thank you for posting this @Cee I can tell every word is heart felt, I’ve bookmarked it as it just says everything that needs to be said. I think grieving is like wearing your heart on the outside of the body, where there’s no protection and we feel it getting battered a d bruised, thank you again and I wish you well on your journey 
Hi Valda I also remember you posting just over a year ago. My lovely Mum passed on the 27th December 2022. She went in to hospital on the 22nd December and never came out. Has been a tough year. This Mother’s Day seems tougher than last years. I think I was numb with grief last year. Feel sadder than ever today. Seeing lots of Mothers and daughters out together has been tough. I notice them more now. I saw a woman similar age to me walking along the canal path hugging her Mum ( who had big wild wavy hair just like me and my Mum) and laughing. I just wanted to scream but I didn’t. X
Hi Jules,
We lost our precious mum’s so close to one another that December.
It’s so lovely to see Valda posting isn’t it . Takes me right back to when we were all so desperate in our search for support on here.
Well today is almost over.
I would just like to say well done to everyone for getting through today. I know like me it’s been difficult for you all and there must have been so many tears shed today but we survived it just about.
Sending love to everyone
Deborah x
@Julest yes still here and thank goodness for this outlet. I am the same as you felt more difficult this year than last as I think we were still coming to terms with it. Yes so many out and I tried to avoid places seeing them out for lunch etc as I know I would have loved to have fussed over her. We have just about done it and day is nearly over. Hope everyone has survived