1 Year Today

Alan. Today’s the anniversary of the day that I lost you and it felt as though my life had ended too What we shared will never die it lives within my heart. I will love you forever and a day, and for as long as I live your memory will survive.

One year I’ve been lost, one year I’ve needed you
And one year I couldn’t hold you in my arms
I’ve found solace in your memory
The memories we shared and the times so long ago lost.

They say time heals all wounds, but it never seems to go away
Some days I am at peace, some days I remember you with smiles
and tears of joy
Days that feel like eternities because I cannot laugh with you.

I talk to you, cry to you. It’s been so long
It still feels like it was yesterday that your number lit up my phone
It still feels like yesterday that I had a special person in this world
whom I could call my best friend.

It still feels like yesterday that my heart was broken beyond repair
I’ve never felt pain like this
I’ve never grieved like this
Your death just still doesn’t feel real.

I promise I’m trying to move on
I promise I just want to make you proud of the woman I am trying to become
But sometimes it feels like the harder I try the harder it becomes
There will never come a day that I don’t miss you
There will never come a day I don’t beg God for one more day, for one more hug.

The only thing that keeps me afloat is the belief that you are still here
That your soul lives on and that I will see you again one day
Words can’t describe the joy you brought into my life or the loss I feel now
You will always be the best friend I have ever had
And I will always thank God for the years I was lucky enough to have you.


Hi Sad, yes I was thinking of you this morning and hoping that it wasn’t going to be to hard. I am sure Alan is with you and helping you through today and every day. Blessings been sent with big hugs and love. S xx

Thank you so much Susie, your kind words and thoughts mean a lot to me.
Today feels as bad (if not worse). I can’t stop crying and just keep thinking of my last virtual visit with Alan the day before he died.
It’s not getting any easier. I just want him back.

I know just what you mean but it will get easier and if you ever feel that counselling would help, then please go for it. It’s not the ideal answer, if there is one. We are always here for you. xxx

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@sad2 hi sad I just want to say I’m thinking of you today. I’m sure Alan is there with you to help you through this difficult day. The love you shared is eternal and always with you. Sending you love and hugs x

Thank you Casey.
Your posts and replies are always so heart warming, caring and thoughtful.
How I wish I could have one of Alan’s hugs right now.
Oh, here come the tears again.