10 months later and I’ve finally broke

I’m 24 and lost my dad 10 months ago after a quick but intense battle with cancer.
I had three weeks off work when he passed and then went back two days after the funeral. I returned back to ‘normal’ life, did everything a normal 24 year old would, and it’s finally caught up with me and I’m just broken.
I don’t know what to do or who to turn to so I’ve ended up here. I’ve been off work and it’s just hit me all at once, I have so much anger, resentment, confusion and exhaustion. I don’t know what to do with it.

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Hi @Rosie24, I can understand everything you are going through, I lost my mom 6 months back and I just turned 26, when she was perfectly fine she had a cardiac arrest and gone within mins, it all happened at midnight when I was sleeping and she took her last breadth on my lap. That shock still affects me, I also tried going back to work but I couldn’t I was living in guilt, anger, frustration and regret that she died because of me, we had some argument for 6 months before she passed away. I was in therapy and I broke down there as well and she gave up on me, my girlfriend also broke up and I suffer from ptsd and also taking care of my grandmom

All I can say is be patient with yourself, I now work part time and do have some support from my dad if required, see if you can ask for some help, remember this is all temporary. It takes courage to ask for help and I understand everything you are experiencing, if you could take out 10 mins to meditate, join a yoga class or learn from youtube, if you could afford take a small vacation do all this. It will work wonders, Rosie if you are comfortable talk to people around or my dm is always open, I understand I am stranger but I am exactly experiencing the same thing. if you want to speak up or how you are feeling, feel free to reach out. We will get over it

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Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot. I have started working out recently which has helped however I’m always constantly doing something that I think it’s just distracted me from what’s actually going on.
I start a new job next week so I’m just trying to relax for the rest of my time off and collect myself so I’m not too overwhelmed.
I really appreciate you reaching out and I hope you are doing the best you can as well, my dms are always open likewise.

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I am so happy to read your reply @Rosie24. Very happy to see you taking steps, working out and even starting a new job. You are amazing and thanks for support too. Take care and reach out if you feel down any day

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Hi sophie. Sorry for your loss, it sounded like it was very fast. I lost my mum 3 months ago and it was sudden and unexpected so a total shock. I had time off like you then returned to wok after about a month. Im having counselling and i think i am dealing with her death but then at other times i dont know. I wonder if im spending too much time distracting myself and if at some point it will come and bite me on the arse! So many people say make sure you are dealing with it, which is really not helpful as how do you know if you are? All we can do is what we think is right at that time and i dont think its unusual for it to come back with a vegenace on a regular basis, its so bloody huge. And for you being so young its just unexpected and im guessing most people of your own age cannot understand how you feel as they will not have experienced it. In many ways i am lucky that i am 51 so i got a lot longer with mum, but i was still expecting another 10 years at least to be fair. Its such a huge lose. Be kind to yourself

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I thought I was dealing with it, a bit too well, and then since I’ve had time off work it hit me like a tonne of bricks and I realised I had just been distracted, and not really acknowledging my grief.
But now I’m aware of it, I don’t know what to do with it? I’m just moving through the days.

I dont really know what to do with it either! No one really explains that bit do they! Are ypu able to access bereavement counselling? Ive been speaking to a counsellor who i already knew prior to mum, hadnt seen him for about 7 years but got back in touch and it was easy to talk to him as i already knew him and he knew me. I think it does help

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I wouldn’t be able to access anything through the nhs, my gps advice was to go on meds if I didn’t feel better. I’ve never been on meds, don’t want to go on meds and would prefer talking about it but apparently not an option!
I don’t know where else to look at the moment, and it’s quite a scary step for me.

I tried everywhere for counselling but there are such long waiting times. I’m on a waiting list for a charity that help people where I work but that’s an 8-10 week wait. My GP has put me on antidepressants, hopefully once I get counselling I can come off them. My mum died 4 months ago and my dad 3 years ago so I’m mostly on my own now, I’m currently busy trying to tidy the house so it is in a fit state to be valued on Wednesday for probate, I’m finding it hard going through my mum’s things. xx

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I work in the nhs, cant you self refer yp health on mind? Its probably a long waitong list though. The other option is through the hospice, we have a local one that offers bereavement counselling. I too have the same stress sorting prorate and emptying the house, its so shit

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I self referral to NHS Talking Therapies a couple of months ago and they emailed me back to say my local area don’t deal with bereavement. I work for the ambulance service so am on the waiting list with TASC (the ambulance service charity). Thanks x

Wow that’s terrible. I am a paramedic, no longer with the nhs though, now working in a gp surgery. Its appauling that there is no help on the nhs

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Probate is stressful and going through your mums things is a lot on top of that, and on its own. I’m sorry about the loss of both your parents and I hope you get the help you need soon!
With my dads stuff we went through a lot before he died as it was stuff he didn’t need when he was terminally ill, but his wardrobe is still full upstairs, and I don’t know if that’ll ever change. Be kind to yourself x

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Hi @Rosie24, was wondering how you are getting on. Did you start your new job?

Hey @Victoria22 just checking in. Hope you are doing ok?

Thanks, I’m ok, hope you are too. I’m still waiting for bereavement counselling with TASC. I have a phone call from my GP booked for Thursday, they are checking on me monthly since I started antidepressants. xx

Glad to hear you are ok. Are you working? I find a lot of triggers at work, i feel very different now i can truely empathise with my patients and their families

I’m working, I don’t see patients as I work in the Fleet office. I prefer being at work as I find it more depressing being at home on my own. xx

Well thats good you can manage with working. I find it helps distract me, just some days its harder than others. Hope you get your counselling soon

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