Hi. This is my first time posting here.
I just want to know if it’s normal to still feel dreadful 10 months after my Dad died?
He was admitted to hospital on October 25th 2019. They said he had a liver abscess. He was on antibiotics via a drip. On November 1st a doctor came and said he didn’t think Dad would last the weekend. We were surprised about this as he didn’t look ill, was eating, drinking, chatting etc. They moved him to a room of his own so we could visit whenever we wanted to. On November 2nd his brother came to spend the day with us. Dad was in a lot of pain, needed the oxygen prongs up his nose, he wasn’t really with us, I don’t even know if he knew we were there. It was such a deterioration from the day before. It broke my heart to see him like that. We left him about 7pm. My mum wanted to stay with him but I said she needed to go home and get some rest. I feel awful about this now. We went to the hospital early on November 3rd but we’d missed him by 15 minutes 
.
I blame myself that he was on his own when he died. If only I’d said to mum that she should of stayed with him the night before.
I cry myself to sleep every night since.
Hi. Helb167. Welcome to the site. You know ten months is not a very long time in grief, Ten years can be painful There is no time limit to grief or any fixed method. It’s a very personal experience. If I may respectfully suggest, stop flogging yourself with guilt. It’s an awful emotion that can lead to despair. Very difficult to stop it I know only too well. Nothing we do is our fault. We did what we did at that time, and it seemed right ‘at that time’.
Your pain at the moment is so great and we all understand on here.
Is it normal to feel as you do? Of course it is, but your ‘normal’ may be different to another’s who is in grief.
Take care of yourself and help others who are mourning.
Blessings. John.
Hi helb167
I just wanted to echo what Jonathan has said. My mum died suddenly 14 months ago. I still feel dreadful, dont want to live without her (not suicidal just so very unhappy in this world without her) and still cry regularly. I dont expect to feel better any time soon.
Please dont feel that you arent normal.
Cheryl x
I still miss my dad every day and cry over little things his favourite foods or a song he loves and he passed away four years ago.
Please don’t blame yourself. You spent how ever many years with your dad and these are the memories you can hold on to. Your dad knows you are always in his heart just as he is in yours. It is completely normal to still feel dreadful 10 months on - for me it has been over one and a half years and it still hits me as though it happened yesterday and I don’t see this feeling ever leaving me - I have accepted this and will learn to adapt myself accordingly. Allow yourself to feel sad when you feel sad but remember to smile, have fun and enjoy life too. I don’t know you but I know you are so strong for going through all this and I know you have the strength to carry on 
I lost my Dad 11 months ago, my heart goes out to you.
I talk about him everyday to family and friends memories are all we have left and are so precious. I recently burst into tears opening a tin of garden peas the smell took me back to when I was a child. My Dad use to love tinned peas.
Memories can sometimes make you smile and sometimes make us cry it’s normal grieving.
Thanks everyone.