It’s been nearly 10 years since I lost my son and I still can’t hold a conversation about him without bursting into tears. The guilt is still there, I could and should have done more. I’m surviving but only just. I feel stuck in a time loop and can’t seem to forgive him or me. I punish myself for the things I didn’t or could have done, should have seen coming but I was so wrapped up in my own life I didn’t see his pain. Now all I have is my own pain and self torture. Why do I keep punishing myself?
Hello @NH1, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. Many of our members have experienced the loss of a child and will understand some of what you’re going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to ask if you have ever had bereavement counselling for your grief? We offer free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat. You can also access counselling through Cruse. Even if you did have counselling soon after your son’s death, it may be helpful to revisit again.
There’s also an organisation called The Compassionate Friends who support bereaved parents. Many of their volunteers are bereaved parents themselves.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you, too.
Take care,
Seaneen