Hi- I joined a while ago now, but I have drawn some comfort from knowing that people are suffering the same as me. My husband, aged 50 on 15th October- died of a heart attack suddenly, whilst we were out on a bike ride together. He complained of indigestion that morning, but because to him it was “the norm” he ignored the warning before it was too late. I have a good support system with family and friends, but I am really rubbish when on my own, just crying and so sad and lonely and miss him so much. We had so many plans and for me, my life is over and don’t want this life I have been given now. Hate coming to bed at night and sometimes pray I won’t wake up in the morning - just to face another day alone. Folk say, it’s baby steps, it will never leave you, but will get better, but I think “how?” It would be made better if he was still here with me? Tonight, we would of got excited about it being Friday and the weekend to look forward to, but it’s now just another day, just one miserable day going into another! Some people start with “I can’t imagine what you are going through?” and I think why would they - it’s the worst pain ever, one that doesn’t go away and never will.
Hi im sorry for you loss (im 9 months into my nightmare ) Its how long is a piece of string to get to where you function better.11 weeks its still very raw .Keep coming back here people will write on this post im sure of it Colin
Hi Lexi,
Agree, when i am on my own just hits me again and again. Have said to others about the baby steps but suspect am trying to convince myself. Five months into my nightmare and although not quite as raw as i was i still feel like s**t every morning when i wake up and remember what has happened.
New Year’s Eve and feel like the start of another grim year of first anniversaries and trying to hold myself together each day.
As Colin says, keep coming back. He and so many others here give such good advice.
Mel
Xx
hi lexi22
i know exactly what you mean i find myself still looking for wife or hoping its a nightmare and i am going to wake up, but every morning i wake up and just get up, get dressed walk our 2 dogs then take a cup of tea into the conservatory and sob my eyes out, the dogs sit on my lap looking so puzzled. there seems no end to our pain and the same as you i am told it will get better but very very slowly. but like you i do not like the life i have been left with i cant my sense or reason of it.
all i can hope is this gives some support i can also send you a hug invisible but a hug.
davidxxx
Hi Lexi, I lost my wife on the 15th of December after a years battle with cancer.
I told her once that in a way I felt lucky that we had the time together and that she could have died suddenly. I hate it when friends and familiy say its going to take time to get over my wifes death. I dont want to get over it, I just want her back. I go back to work on the first of January. Baby steps 
Hello lexi and everyone I lost my husband on the 9th October he died of a heart attack and which he didn’t even go into hospital for,I empathise with every thing you all say and feel.I feel like a robot at the moment get up, sometimes get dressed, not much else then bed again.I sleep with his dressing gown as it was the last thing he wore also it feels like him.I want this nightmare to end but know that if it does he still won’t be here, I miss him every second of every day.The tears won’t stop falling last night was awful worse than christmas day as imagined him kissing me at midnight like he always did.I wish you all peace and tranquilty
Hello to previous posters. Today is the day a year ago my Husband had his massive heart attack. He survived this and we thought we were lucky. Fast forward 10 months to October 6th and my Husband passed away both anticipated but suddenly from complications of this initial attack in the form of heart failure/sudden arrest. I’m still traumatized, can neither process the event, function etc. Life is grey and black with no colour as I’m sure you will all agree. It’s not a life really, it’s barely existing. Take care everyone.
Lexi, I am so sorry to read your distressing account. I am on a bit of a downward spiral at minute. Time is bringing more pain and a decreased level of coping ability. It was 6th October for me. I wish I could say so something more positive other than I really do empathise. Take care.