12 years on....

12 years ago in November I lost my dad very suddenly, he was a very fit and well man, I’ve struggled for 12 years with anger, depression, sadness,. Cruise helped me in the first few months they were brilliant, also there’s a death cafe as well that recently started where you just talk to people in the same situation.
I have great support from my husband his always been there friends come and go, but they don’t all understand.
Everyday I think about him it drives me potty if that makes sense, always have tears in my eyes, I try my hardest to move on I have 3 children I need to look after.
I see my mum all the time she’s hurting the same she’s been in new relationship I was devastated but understood she needed to move on.
I feel am stuck in a circle and can’t get off it going round and round everyday in my head.

Hi. Ellie2 . Welcome to the site. Delayed grief is not uncommon. It can happen well after 12 years. The memories come back and haunt us. Can I suggest that you could have some counselling with a bereavement Councillor, one who will understand about delayed grief. Cruise are wonderful, yes, but was it one to one counselling? ‘Stuck in a circle’. Yes, that just about sums it up. Do you try to not think the thoughts that upset you? The grief may well subside if you let your emotions go.
The word ‘struggle’ and ‘fighting’ comes up time and again in such circumstances. But struggling implies so much effort. A drowning man will struggle when, to lay still on the water may save him. Struggling takes energy, and you don’t have much of that do you? I am not minimising your pain and what I have suggested is not easy, but it can be done given the will. Have you heard of Dr. Claire Weeeks? She has left us now, but her last book.
‘Essential help for your Nerves’ was a best seller. Available on Amazon. You do need help, and coming on here you may well find others who have experienced what you are going through.
Look at the section ‘Losing a parent’.
Please come back and talk to us all. You will find a lot of understanding here. Blessings. John.

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