Yeh its a bit painful i agree but it does clear the fog ! Xx
I couldnāt have a proper hug for a long time because he was rigged up to central lines and tubes everywhere and i couldnāt kiss him because of the mask and eventually he was intubated and unconscious and I tried to hug him but it was impossible and all I could do was kiss the top of his head. after he died it was still warm and I kept kissing and smelling his hair and trying to fix his lovely smell in my head forever.
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I am so sorry. I know what it was like in the few days he was in hospital before he died. Xx
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Oh @LizFar I am so sorry for you . The circumstances were terrible for you . That you were with him at the end are some comfort for you I hope . I lost my husband quickly while I was in another country so I couldnāt even kiss him . This Ian cruel journey we all face now . You must be on shock my heart goes out to you
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Deep breaths ā¦ it might be easier than you think ā¦ fingers crossed for you xx
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I was a wreck the night before the funeral. You will get through it. Breathe and donāt over think it. If you want to cry, cry. I cried through the whole ceremony. Thank god for my niece who sat by me and held my hand through the whole thing. You will get through it. Thinking of you xx
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Thankyou im a mess today so scared for tomorrow i feel like im drowning today the pain hurts so much this world is rotton 
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The world is rotten. But we just have to survive and get through it.
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I know that feeling, my mother died in my arms at home at the end of a four year battle with dementea in january and we were alone in the house together and I still have not processed that moment(I may eventually have a complete brake down and end up in a sanatorium) I am 63 and lived alone with my mother everyone else from my primary family having died and with the years of the pandemic we lived together in isolation, and so I know live alone as I suspect you do and our past lives have gone forever leaving us in a state of berelderment, sadness, a huge sence of loss and bereavement depression,I will be honoust with you, I just wanted to die in my sleeping bag and would have done so had I not been found,I cannot offer you a panacea, there isnāt one,grief, like depression, is a personal thing and the two are very closely related and are branches of the same tree and somehow we have to find the strength and courage to clime out of that pit, up the rock face and towards the light if we are to survive, the best way you can honour your late husband is to make a success of your new life, take small steps, only you know how you feel, take one hour at a time, the first days and weeks I found pure hell and I am afraid there are no short cuts, ask your doctor about self help groups but if you wish to be alone then that is ok, make your wishes known to your friends and family if they ask, be assertive (but not unpleasant) do not fall into the trap of doing things just because others think you should, it is YOUR prerogative and no one elseās, let me recommend two books to you that I have found helpful, the first is āYou are not aloneā by Cariad Lloyd,(the creator of grief cast) the second is āClimbing out of depressionā by Sue Atkinson, May God be your guide in the days and weeks ahead
Tim
How have you done through your dreadful day? Been thinking of you xx. Sandra