It’s been 13 weeks since I lost my darling husband. It would have been his birthday last Sunday, also the day he could’ve ‘officially’ retired. I’m struggling now to remember him before he was poorly. I looked after him for 10 months. I was with him 24/7. He fought for 16 years in all. We had such good times. Why can’t I focus on those instead of when he was at his worst? I miss him with every beat of my heart, how can my heart be so heavy when it feels so empty? It would seem to be 3 steps forward & 2 steps back, sometimes it feels like 3 steps forward & 10 steps back! I would give absolutely anything to have him back again!!
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6 months down the line and I would love to here him say he’s ok and give me a hug but it won’t happen and that what hurts.
It does get easier though. Keep putting one foot in front of the other as the lighter days will come.
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Does it get easier ? Not so sure some days tbh ?
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Some days no, but mostly (for me) yes it does. It’s a lot easier than at the beginning. And some days it’s easier, as I only have myself to think about. But overall, life is a challenge that I didn’t want or foresee. But I get on with it as my partner would want me too, just as he would if roles were reversed. He lived life to the full and would want that for me. That is the challenging part as some days I really question everything, even living. It’s a roller coaster for sure but def easier than those early days.
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Yeh its not as raw but still raw in a way … i find anyway ! Put it this way so much easier with my husband here … he was so lovely to be with and i miss that so much 
that wonderful caring security blanket he gave me. Thats what i find the hardest … xx
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Absolutely, that I will always miss big time x
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God love em !!! As they say in yorkshire 
xx
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