14 months and 24 days turning into a hermit.

I have not been out all week apart from a hospital appointment on Monday. I thought would enjoy being out of the house but no I could not wait to get home. I am walking the dog around the block… he is no help this weather I have to drag him off the doorstep. bless him .
Because we were so tight-knit we didn’t need anyone else.
my tolerance level for other people is shocking at my appointment in the waiting room two couples were laughing and joking about ‘old men filling the pub on fridays and they couldnt get a seat’. it made me so annoyed. I am missing our rides out to the wild spaces we used to visit. I could get here on public transport but cant contemplate going without him. people keep saying I need to get out but i never have done group things, i speak to friends on the fone everyday. I know i will get through this but this takng it a day at time is torture. but when i think days in advance I just feel sick. i feel like I am submerged at the bottom of a pond in all the mud. But above all I feel like I am letting him down has he wouldnt want me to be like this. Sorry this is such drivel.

Hello Gardenlass,
No it is not drivel. It is hard when someone you love dies. Your world is turned upside down. It will never be the same again. This is quite normal.

Everyone seems so happy and well, normal. I feel like a crazed odd ball since I lost my mum and dad.
People being, well, just people can be annoying.
Please do talk to people on here. Maybe you need a bereavement counsellor. Just talk. Write a diary. Sing, rant. Talk to your loved one. Anything. Support is out there. Cuddle your dog.

I have my dad’s old clock in the back room. I often go and talk to him. He’s called Clock. He used to sit by the front door in dad’s old house. Dad would put on his coat and hat, get the dog lead and a supply of biscuits and take the puppy for a walk.
I’m sending virtual hugs and love because I know how hard it can be xx

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Aw thanks so much. Lovely to hear about your dad. I have the barometer that my partner used to tap to check the pressure funny how these things are so important to us. I am having counseling and it does help. Its just been a bad week l don’t think the weather helps. Take care :hugs:

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It’s exactly how I feel , I lost my son three weeks ago and try not to go out but when I have to I hate everyone around me and I’m very angry at them . I’m hoping nobody reacts to this as I’m going to end up in trouble :thinking:

Please accept my sincerest condolences. It is extremely early days for you and all these feelings are normal , how dare people carry on has normal when our loved ones have left us. If you don’t want or can’t talk to someone face to face
this is a safe space to let out those feelings,. Talk about your son or just rant. No one judges. I go for so long and then make a post it gets stuff out of my head. There is a special category on this forum called losing a child you may want to look there. Please take care and don’t hesitate to get back in touch here again . X

Aww I can mirror your same feelings! You’ve accomplished more than I, I cancelled my doctors appointment because my anxiety was saying a big NO to leaving my house. I haven’t been out all week until my partner dragged me to Asda today. ‘Come on, it’ll be good for you to get out’. It’s so hard not snapping back! They just don’t know.
It’s 16 weeks today since I lost Dad. I was in floods for the first 3 months. Lately I’ve went back to numbness/ empty. It comes in waves and I just do whatever I need to. Take the dog round the block, maybe cook something for dinner and maybe do one cleaning task.
Until I can manage my emotions and feel more like myself again… well, find out who I am without pops, I’ll continue to hide and stay off work. Everything takes time… I just want my pops back.

Love x

I’m mostly hibernating too.

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So sorry to hear about your Dad. I think you are right that we are different people now and that will take some getting used to. I feel like
I am waiting to get back to normal and some days l realise this is the new normal and that can be overwhelming so hence the hibernation. My meals are all over the place and thank heavens for our dogs. Keep in touch x

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Gardenlass, I can understand your annoyance, maybe these people believe that they are Peter Pan and will never grow old. I cannot walk more than a few yards and I have an inherited blood disorder called porphyria. This causes me to be allergic to daylight, sunlight and other things. Please don’t get me wrong, I am quite content and the days pass quickly, I miss Stan so much as we all love our late spouses and other relatives who have passed away. I feel more secure in my own home. I do believe that we should be where we are the happiest, not saying much, these days.


Thank you. I’m sorry for your loss too, apologies for not saying that in my first message. I assume it’s your partner/ husband you’ve lost… sorry I’ve never seen you post before so I’m not sure.

I understand your feelings. Overwhelmed being the biggest one: everything is so overwhelming. The little jolts of reality reminding us of our loss. I can’t stand other people. I’ve withdrawn from University for now, avoiding work and my circle consists of my partner, flatmate and best friend. Not even my own mum supports me. That’s been hard but another issue.

Yknow, I really thought that I wouldn’t be interested in food but actually it’s been the opposite bar the odd day. I find myself comfort eating constantly, and usually it’s the foods that my Dad LOVED! He was obsessed with Belgian chocolate shortbread, and you weren’t allowed in unless you had a packet for him! He always shared them with me though, they’re so tasty! When I eat it, I feel like I’m having one for him. It’s so sad that he can’t have them anymore.
Keep taking your dog out. Sometimes I find it hard with the thought of running into someone but it is good to get out… sometimes.

Take care x

Even for work too?

I’m not working at the moment. I was a long term carer for my Mum when she passed. It’s about four and half month since she passed. I promised myself I’d allow myself up to six months maxim before looking for work. I now feel like moving the goal post! I think it would have been easier if I’d had a job to go back to rather than starting something new.
I’m not totally lazy, as I do help my partner with his business.

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Thanks for understanding my feelings. I have been thinking about my reaction since and of course l am behaving differently due to my loss but it was a rather arrogant and judgemental attitude. I am sorry to hear about your health problems but glad you are feel safe and as happy as you can do without Stan. Memories are wonderful things. X

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Yes it is my partnerl have lost. No apologies needed though l have posted now and again. That’s a really lovely image l got of your Dad checking you had got his goodies. These little memories are like gold aren’t they though they pop up when we least expect them. I don’t have support from my mum so know how hard that is. Its very early days for you. Keep up the good work. X

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Hello Daffy, looking for work is hard getting back out there the when the world feels like a different place which it is. I think we can put pressure on ourselves to dust ourselves off and get on with its but not always that easy. Grief is hard enough but when it’s been combined with a caring role it’s a double whammy. I feel exhausted just doing little things. Take care. X

You’re right Gardenless. The world does feel different. The sadness just drains the body and it is tiring just doing the basics.
Perhaps, an improvement in the weather in Spring/Summer will make a things feel marginally better. You take care too. x

Memories are wonderful things, Gardenlass. this week-end has been torment, I felt sick with grief. it hasn’t helped not being to send our daughter (56) today and our son (53 on Wednesday) birthday cards. Stan used to take me and I used to buy his, my brother’s and our children cards, I then subscribed to Moonpig, however my credit card would not be accepted, this was sorted and then my computer froze. I gave up in despair, but it upset me, I am now going to try again, my dear friend has her birthday on Wednesday.XXXXXX

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I think that sounds like a reasonable amount of time, but it’s all depending on your feelings.
I work in a busy bar myself, and the thought of going back and facing so much people is very daunting. I was actually considering finding something new and more quiet. But I am confused, as it might be good being around familiar faces. You just never know how people are going to react towards you. I was also a carer for my Dad for 9 years and it was a struggle balancing that, university and work. I think it’s why I feel extra lost now: all this time I’ve never had before!
I was also plagued with people telling me to not take too much time off as it’s ‘worse trying to face it after too long’… unsure if I agree with that, or it’s just them not having experienced this before.
It’s been 16 weeks, coming up to 4 months exactly on the 3rd… I hate the pressure of it all. The not knowing. I suppose that’s life.

Good luck with it. I am sure that they understand. But I know that’s not the point Ty o uh want to be BV able to send a card. Difficulties like this are all the more upsetting when we are grieving and add to a lack of confidence. Keep going you will get there. Xx

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Thank you Gardenlass.x