15 months and not coing

I am a single lady aged 59. I lost my 29 year old son to cancer 15 months ago and my grieving is getting worse each day. In fact it is now nsurmountable. I am constantly looking for him in the sky and pray to the Lord that he is having a good time in His presence and always seeking a sign to know my boy is definitely in a good place. I watch You Tube constantly about life after death and keep reading the bible for reassurance my boy Johnny is happy. I am really taking strain and would like to know if there is anyone out there who is going through the same. Being single I have no one to speak to and I spend hours crying and searching. Angela

Angela we all share your pain on this forum. So sorry you have lost your precious son and that you have no one to talk to.
Is there a compassionate friends group in your area? I find it a great comfort. It is now 13 months since my daughter died and now that the initial shock has worn off the reality is so so painful.
You speak of prayer so are you able to speak with someone at your local church?
In any case there will always be someone here who truly understands.
Sending you love and hugs. Xx

I’m so so sorry that you have lost your son. I understand exactly how you are feeling. My son died last year and I to am on my own. It’s so lonely not having a partner to lean on for support. I to have asked many times for a sign that my son is in a good place and happy. But I question the unfairness of life, he should be here enjoying life. I go to a support group once a month which I find very helpful. I also read a lot on grief just to understand the emotions I have. Would there be anyone in a church close to you whom you could talk to. Please message me anytime you want to. I’m in the same situation…x

Hello Matella and Orchard.

Thank you so much for your replies. Thank goodness I am not alone and I really appreciate your responses.

I am a strong Christian but I do not go to church as I felt completely unsupported by the church during my divorce, which was through no fault of mine, and my boy’s illness from a very young age whereby he suffered from severe crohn’s and then he had rectal cancer and after that bowel cancer I feel I have lost many friends ss a result of my divorce and again, as a result of my boy’s flying with the angels. The passing of my boy has virtually left me isolated as the few friends I do have keep telling me to move on or I will get over it in time. I fee my boy is forgotten and I an not allowed to speak about him.

There are no support groups near me, so I find myself searching articles on the internet, searching where is my boy is and would do anything to hear his voice. Anything.
Angela xx

Your friends shouldn’t tell you that you will get over it. I don’t think anyone ever gets over loosing their child. They are a part of you. You gave birth to him. I know I will not get over my son’s death. I miss him every minute of the day. I can’t imagine living for years without him so I have to try not to think about that. I’d give anything to have just five minutes with him again, to ask if he is alright and happy. Everyone round us get on with their own lives, it’s natural I suppose. But it leaves us very isolated, there is very few we can then talk about our children too. Keep posting on here Angela, there are people who understand…x

Thank you so much Orchard.
I know exactly what you are saying. Its incredibly hard not to mention the constant heart ache that never ever goes away.
Such a waste of a young life when our angels leave us so early. Its really incredibly difficult to handle.
Angela x

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