Totally agree with everything everyone says on this site. I lost my wife 14mths ago on her 60th birthday, there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. I’ve coped to a certain extent travelling, had 2 holidays to our favourite hotel in Egypt and a 5 week cruise around the South Pacific, sounds glamorous, but when your doing it without your partner it’s like a dream. I’m off again next week to Fiji on a cruise we had cancelled due to COVID, that is going to be difficult, people tell me I’m so strong, it’s not, it’s like your constantly in a dream and you’ll wake up and your loved one will be there.
There is no rule how we should grieve, so just do what we think is right to get us through the days.
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Tears mingle with Dave’s
An ebbing flow of waves
Whooshing over graves
The dear departed souls
Deep within their holes
Returned to be renewed
Where no longer viewed
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This is so very much what I have found. My husband has been gone just over two years and in the last few months I have managed to get on a train in London, visit a hotel on my own and find things which make me laugh. I still get really bad days but there are some where it feels O.K. Thank you for sharing being able to see other coping and learning helps…
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Thank you for sharing your story. It gives others hope for the future.
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Ferret8
You are brave to do those things. But inspiring. It isn’t two years only 15 months for me and I find those things scary.
However before he died I had lost confidence compared to when I was younger. Need some one to help really.
I could get on a train but it is worry of missing it coming back. Had such bad experiences even years ago that seems worse now.
I could stay in a place overnight up the road without much trouble but not worth it unless perks of a spa.
I find it so confusing these days with bereavement fog.
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Loved your expression of bereavement fog - I’m like that all the time 16 months on from the death of my husband. It’s a daily struggle to cope with everyday things. I have to rely on help from good friends but it makes you feel as if you are living in a strange land. Friends suggest making lists and trying to do just one thing at a time. Sending hugs xx
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Hello Jazpur sorry for your loss it’s nearly 10 months since I lost my husband I’m struggling like mad have to push myself out of bed lately but I make myself do it I plan what I’m going to do that day just to keep my mind busy councilling suggested that I make a list of things to do and although it’s been very difficult I am slowly working through it and as your friends have said one day at a time, also since I came on this site reading people’s stories is helping you take care and hugs
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Jaspur
Yes lists I do these.
Tick off what I do do
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Well done - it helps with mental well being, but doesn’t mend the heart does it? Xx
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Hi Jazpur it definitely doesn’t mend the heart nothing ever will but the list and planning each day helps me get through these long lonely days
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Yes I have always needed lists.
I went to meet my son and two of my grandsons this morning in the car park of National Trust near where they live.
I had a free voucher from the paper for a family.
I had been really upset but little five year old grandson cheered me up no end. I always give them sweets, drink and biscuits and try to bring something to amuse the little one.
Whatever I am doing he says he wants to too. I couldn’t get down the hill so sat and drew the trees in the pav. Sure enough eat a biscuit and off he goes chatting away drawing his lovely picture. I came home to an empty house and then these memories cheer me up.
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I totally agree with your comments. My dog Max kept.me going for the last 9 months after losing my husband. He was nearly 18 yrs old but unfortunately i lost him 2 weeks ago. He was my reason to get up in the morning. But in the end he just gave up . I’m just thankful i had him for so long. I just feel totally lost now as he was a part of my husband’s life too.
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My 19 year old Aby cat kept me going but passed away exactly a year to the day that my husband was rushed into hospital. I also had to hand my beloved Lurcher on to a friend when my hubby died as I was not strong enough to meet his needs. I have just adopted a new Aby cat who has been a life saver - another heart beating in the house. X
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Beautiful and inspirational. How very brave you have been. Your Chris would be so proud of you,
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I agree with you entirely about having another pet in the house. I’m thinking of fostering a dog from the dogs trust as I’m too old to have a puppy now. It’s until they can find a forever home and for dogs that can’t settle in the kennels… m it’s early days yet but i definitely need something as the house is so empty now.
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Thank you for your brave and tender telling of your story, I’m new to grief but will try to take comfort from you, thank you 
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Sorry to hear you’re new to grief. We’re here if you need to talk.
Thank you I’m so up and down I just feel so lost and drained of energy, it’s like being in prison, I completely without motivation 
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Hello I have just joined this special community and your post resonated wholeheartedly with how I feel about my partner and our special relationship.
It’s over 3 years since I lost him and I still miss him immensely but I’m carrying on and have just arranged to go away with friends for a short break. The first without him. I’m sure he would be happy and saying well done.
It’s good to know I’m not alone in how I’m feeling.
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God thats very moving Rachael, in tears reading it, it just gone 6 months since I lost some one I loved, they wee taken very suddenly, we never lived together, but the loved between us was there, I’m finding hard at times, I miss her lots, and still cry over her loss, we were both in our 50s, she got an illness and died, it broke me in 2, there was times I just wanted to be with her, after she had died I did not see a reason for me going on, but in time I came out of that mind set, to have a loved one taken so early in life is heart-breaking, ie 30’s -40s 50’s, your right when you say, you just feel numb, with the pain of the loss, it like this is not reall, this can’t be happening, it a bad night-mare, I know I will love her till the day I die, she will stay in my heart, even thought I’m only in my mid 50s, I must try to love and give again, but still not forgeting her and my love for her, which at times can happen, I let my grief for her loss, to bring me closer to her in sprit, that I talk to her, and light a candle on the day she died every month since, it my way of keeping my love and memory of her alive. from Desmond
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