When I got to 15 months, I realised I was going to survive and thrive. I was extremely fortunate that during the difficult times, I had many people caring for me, including 6 who went the extra mile (plus my two dogs!!) . I called them my Rainy Day People! I decided to brave and make my new life as good as I could possibly manage. I explained I had to do it my own, but wanted to continue their friendship with me, and help if my wheels fell off. They have been superb at that as well.
To mark the event I took them all out for a tapas lunch, and did a little speech. I knew it was going to be more difficult managing on my own, but I’ve got used to it.
PS I called them my Rainy Day People because of this song, and I play and sing it to them whenever I can.
@Ruby12 I’m sorry your person has died. I wish there were words that would ease the pain you are feeling - all I can offer is kindness and support.
You are very brave indeed to have joined this forum only 5 weeks into your grief. At this stage just focus on the essentials such as eating small amounts, sleep when you can and breathe. Take each day at a time, minute by minute if necessary. Do not feel pressured into doing anything which doesn’t feel right for you.
When you feel able, please share more about your loved one and also how you are managing day by day.
@Ruby12 , Rachael has it right. These early days just need enduring. Impossible though it seems at the moment, things will begin to settle down but it takes quite a long time. Hang on, by your fingertips if necessary, but try to get some structure in your life as you get stronger.
Oh Rachael - I was so moved by your thoughts and feelings, which in so many ways echoed my own. The difference for me is that I was in my late 70’s when my husband suddenly died after 50 years of marriage. And, as a result I developed a chronic case of osteoporosis and spinal fractures. I had mild osteopenia before but the shock of loosing my hubby plus all the extra duties of keeping the house, dog and cats going made it worsen. I also don’t drive so all these things made my life close down. However, I love and agree with your optimism in the midst of sadness. You never loose the grief, it stays close to you as do your loved ones, but I try to walk each day, sit in the sun, eat well and see friends often. Just one foot at a time is all we can do. Ruthxx
Totally agree with everything everyone says on this site. I lost my wife 14mths ago on her 60th birthday, there is no right way or wrong way to grieve. I’ve coped to a certain extent travelling, had 2 holidays to our favourite hotel in Egypt and a 5 week cruise around the South Pacific, sounds glamorous, but when your doing it without your partner it’s like a dream. I’m off again next week to Fiji on a cruise we had cancelled due to COVID, that is going to be difficult, people tell me I’m so strong, it’s not, it’s like your constantly in a dream and you’ll wake up and your loved one will be there.
There is no rule how we should grieve, so just do what we think is right to get us through the days.
Tears mingle with Dave’s
An ebbing flow of waves
Whooshing over graves
The dear departed souls
Deep within their holes
Returned to be renewed
Where no longer viewed
This is so very much what I have found. My husband has been gone just over two years and in the last few months I have managed to get on a train in London, visit a hotel on my own and find things which make me laugh. I still get really bad days but there are some where it feels O.K. Thank you for sharing being able to see other coping and learning helps…
Ferret8
You are brave to do those things. But inspiring. It isn’t two years only 15 months for me and I find those things scary.
However before he died I had lost confidence compared to when I was younger. Need some one to help really.
I could get on a train but it is worry of missing it coming back. Had such bad experiences even years ago that seems worse now.
I could stay in a place overnight up the road without much trouble but not worth it unless perks of a spa.
I find it so confusing these days with bereavement fog.
Loved your expression of bereavement fog - I’m like that all the time 16 months on from the death of my husband. It’s a daily struggle to cope with everyday things. I have to rely on help from good friends but it makes you feel as if you are living in a strange land. Friends suggest making lists and trying to do just one thing at a time. Sending hugs xx
Hello Jazpur sorry for your loss it’s nearly 10 months since I lost my husband I’m struggling like mad have to push myself out of bed lately but I make myself do it I plan what I’m going to do that day just to keep my mind busy councilling suggested that I make a list of things to do and although it’s been very difficult I am slowly working through it and as your friends have said one day at a time, also since I came on this site reading people’s stories is helping you take care and hugs
Yes I have always needed lists.
I went to meet my son and two of my grandsons this morning in the car park of National Trust near where they live.
I had a free voucher from the paper for a family.
I had been really upset but little five year old grandson cheered me up no end. I always give them sweets, drink and biscuits and try to bring something to amuse the little one.
Whatever I am doing he says he wants to too. I couldn’t get down the hill so sat and drew the trees in the pav. Sure enough eat a biscuit and off he goes chatting away drawing his lovely picture. I came home to an empty house and then these memories cheer me up.
I totally agree with your comments. My dog Max kept.me going for the last 9 months after losing my husband. He was nearly 18 yrs old but unfortunately i lost him 2 weeks ago. He was my reason to get up in the morning. But in the end he just gave up . I’m just thankful i had him for so long. I just feel totally lost now as he was a part of my husband’s life too.
My 19 year old Aby cat kept me going but passed away exactly a year to the day that my husband was rushed into hospital. I also had to hand my beloved Lurcher on to a friend when my hubby died as I was not strong enough to meet his needs. I have just adopted a new Aby cat who has been a life saver - another heart beating in the house. X
I agree with you entirely about having another pet in the house. I’m thinking of fostering a dog from the dogs trust as I’m too old to have a puppy now. It’s until they can find a forever home and for dogs that can’t settle in the kennels… m it’s early days yet but i definitely need something as the house is so empty now.
