The only person i talk to is myself. It’s been a year next month and i feel worse than ever. No one phones any more and if i phone them they say they are so ‘busy’. I just hope they never feel like this. I sound as i am feeling sorry for myself I’m not I’m just learning the hard way. Just got to find what to do with the rest of my life. Enough of my moans I’m sure one day we will feel better. We’re certainly not alone on here. Take care.
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@Jay.15 you are not in your own with this problem. I too have found most people want to move on very quickly once they’ve done their initial bit for you . I’m extremely lonely and even my son largely ignored me . It’s an eye opener to be honest xxx
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Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I find it very difficult to express my feelings and you’ve said it all perfectly. It’s given me strength, I lost my husband suddenly last November after 39 years married, together since I was 16. Im luckier than some as i have very supportive family and friends nearby. I don’t always feel like accepting help and going out but i know it helps when i do. Like you I feel like I’ve lost part of myself and have to rediscover who i am, and carve out a different existence. I’m starting to see how this can happen now. I carry the sadness deeper inside some days and concentrate on self care when i can, every little helps. My husband was a musician and songwriter, this Saturday we’re celebrating him and his musuc with a tribute night. I’m dreading it emotionally but glad we are getting together for him. I know I’m lucky to still be able to hear his voice. Love to all of you going through this horrible experience.
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True it is an eye opener. My son told me to get out there as no one is going to knock on the door. Truth is there is absolutely nothing I’m interested in in this town. He said god forbid if anything happened to his wife and felt like me he would back pack around Europe. Good idea but i can’t see me doing that. Anyhow who knows what the future holds. Something good has got to happen. Soon i hope. Take care. X
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@Jay.15 yes life is very uncertain isn’t it and when something terrible happens I personally find it difficult to make sound decisions. My judgement is compromised at the moment and I’m very indecisive , particularly bad when it comes to making good choices about where I should move to . Fairly recently I moved to a small flat but hated it . I’m wanting to move back to the house I rented with my partner, it’s being renovated and the landlord says I can go back on completion. It’s a question of waiting until it’s done which will hopefully be fairly soon . I need to be patient. It’s difficult because I want to make this change asap xxx
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@Ladysuisei6 I am not looking forward to the second year as the first year has been such a struggle already one step forward two steps back it is so hard to take. I have realised that I have lost him forever and have been prepared to rebuild my life alone for sometime. It’s sad, empty, lonely and heartbreaking but I have no choice but to go on - not living but just existing- forever 
Together we will all get through this sad and lonely journey.
Please take care xx
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@Angel1309 i too have accepted a life which is existing as opposed to living . In my second year of grief I have fully realised and accepted a life alone . I am responsible for my own choices which is really hard . I’m currently trying to change my housing situation ( again) in order to try to achieve some peace . I have to accept this might not happen for some time or possibly even not happen at all - nothing in life is guaranteed. I will need to accept where I currently am and try to make the best of it . I tend to feel that finding real contentment is out of reach no matter where I choose to live . I’m just hoping to make the change and see if it works out . I’m sorry you’re also finding life difficult. It’s lonely isn’t it not having our men by our sides xxx
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@Robin12 I’m truly sorry you’re husband has died. I’m glad you have found this group that none of us want to be part of, but here we are supporting each other through the hardest thing we will ever deal with.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and some of your story. The tribute night sounds perfect and will be a wonderful way of celebrating the man he was and will continue to be as his music and stories will be shared. As long as we talk about them, share memories and speak their name out loud they will never be forgotten.
Please continue to reach out on here, or private message if you prefer.
Love and light to you xx Rachael
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@Ladysuisei6 Life alone is hard, no one to turn to and ask ‘what do you think?’, ‘Shall we?’ or ‘Should I?’ it’s so overwhelming at all times 
I find there’s so much time on my hands and not enough to do so end up feeling so lonely and empty most weekends
I miss him so much every single day life has no meaning without him by my side We used to do everything together be with each other 24/7 and only apart when we both went to work in the office 2 days/week otherwise we just loved being with each other all the time and now I am living with just one-half sadly
I hope you will eventually find a place that gives you peace and real contentment that you are yearning for 
Take care xxx
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@Angel1309 yes life is incredibly hard without someone to share things with . Things like decisions that need to be made are so much harder alone . Like you , I have far too much time on my hands for rumination and ultimately more sadness . The weekdays are no different from the weekends as I don’t work any more and I miss the simple things like just sitting in the same room as my man sharing companionable silence . Yes even silence with the right person is pleasure . Obviously we weren’t always silent but these were not awkward. This is something I’ll never achieve I don’t think - to get to a point in a relationship where you can sit in silence together without feeling the need to fill those silences requires such deep love and understanding. It sounds really weird to miss silence but what I think I’m trying to say is that being with that special person in life just brings peace and contentment. That has been shattered and lost for ever and it scares me . Hopefully I’ll be back in our house before the end of April () so I can at least enjoy the solitude and my memories xxx
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@Ladysuisei6 you couldn’t have said any better I can resonate with what you have said word by word! I can’t bear to sit in the living room these days as it’s still too painful, empty and lonely without him sitting next to me, watching TV, chatting, laughing or even in silence. The living room is now only used for dining alone quickly then I rush up to my bedroom and shut the door. It is my sanctuary where I feel warmest and safest. It’s the only room I live in the house since my angel passed away and I don’t know when I will be able to get back to the way it used to be, although this time - alone, sadly
I am still so heartbroken .
I hope you will be back in your house soon enough.
Please take care xxx
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Yesterday was better because my son was at my house working in my old office so didn’t feel so alone. I had a tel call with Talking space and was on a zoom course. All about trying to boost confidence to kick start myself.
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It’s so true. I’ve also just embarked on the second year without Keef and it, on the whole, doesn’t seem to get any better. I’ve organised holidays and socialise now so everyone thinks I’m amazing and am doing really well, but they don’t see the person you are once you get home and there’s nobody there. Take care xx
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Hi Guineapig65 it’s so true what you say you go out and everyone thinks your doing really well but they don’t see you when you return back to your empty house the loneliness and then the crying, if it’s across teatime I put the lights on and the tv so I don’t walk back into a very quiet lonely house it does help I’m nearly 11 months into my husband passing
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@Angel1309 yes when I was previously in the house I avoided certain rooms . I’m hoping that if my pan does work out then I’ll be able to face the whole of the house . I’d like this. I only felt safe in the living room - the bedroom felt all wrong and the spare room was where he slept when he was snoring so a definite no- go area there . In fact towards the end he slept more and more in there leading me to question if I missed something. Once I take a sleeping tablet I’m out of it , so I’d wake up to find him in there . I stopped going in that room totally. It’s all very strange and unsettling isn’t it this feeling of not being safe xxx
@Guineapig65 yes you take care too . I’m not up to socialising because I’ve totally got out of the habit , so I don’t see anyone new xxx
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Thanks for that heart warming post Rachael.
I lost my partner of 32 years Janet this January. We were hardly apart and she died holding my hand at home. Very tough times without her
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@PeteLonsomeCowboy I’m sorry you are grieving the loss of your wife - it’s truly heartbreaking and the most devastating event we will ever have to go through.
My Chris died at home - just the two of us as it had always been and I held him tight so he knew I was there with him.
I wish there was a way to make this less tough for you - for all of us who have lost our person.
I hope you find small glimmers of light amongst the darkness whilst walking this painful road called grief.
Love and light to you x Rachael
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Wishing you peace
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Thanks for your kind words Rachael. We have a Jack Russell Lily that gives me some comfort. She gives me a reason to get up and active.
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