I wish I had been holding my husband’s hand as was too late by time could get there when hospital told me to come quickly. I lived too far away. I knew that. Even if I had still been in the hotel I booked for part of when he was so ill it would have have still been too late to get there in time logistically. Happened all so quickly. He had fallen out bed night before; ate his breakfast and then another episode too far gone to be saved. I just have to remember time did hold his hand, kissed each other and he was he was conscious and told him what had hoped for even if he had got one leg half cut off. Also was able to tell him on phone missed him and wanted him to come home and he said glad to hear it. Could still have died when I had been in the toilet even if had tried to be there until the end. Was with dad holding his hand but not mum. With terminal cancer know but with heart almost instant but less painful. But my Dave was getting weaker but they said he did have a chance but all so tough.
At least he was completely in sound mind until the end not like hmy father drugged up and out of it mostly with just quick moment he woke and hugged me.
So whichever way it is hard.
Thanks everyone . I found one of the most difficult things to cope with apart of course from looking after Janet in her last week’s at home, was coping with self professional health people.
Jan needed IV antibiotics because of a serious bone infection. It took weeks for them to organise a once a day visit by IV nurses at home. When they did arrive the majority of them moaned consistently about the bad farm road. Even suggesting for me to get Jan out of bed, bump 5 MLS down the road to have her into done at their clinic. Even though they could see how bad she was, bone infection in her spine and neck.
They didn’t like it when I said its not like we are asking you to come out on a push bikes, like in call the midwife.
What ever happened to doctors and nurses that did the job as a vocation?
I did find a couple that were different but in a minority
@Ladysuisei6 It is very strange indeed how we feel safe and unsafe in certain places in the house. We used to spend all our time together in every room as we tended to do everything together, especially the living room where we chatted after a long day at work, sharing what had been happening during the day so that room holds most memories of our togetherness - hence now it’s most likely to sadden me more than any other room in the house. The bedroom feels warm, comforting and safe when the door is closed - to me it’s my absolute sanctuary every night!
The anniversary of his passing is only 6 weeks away I am now missing him more than ever 
. I can’t bear to be home on the day so booking myself away for the night in Paris with my girlfriend hopefully it can ease the pain a little being away from it all.
Take care xxx
It’s so sad to say not all but some doctors and nurses just don’t have that bedside manner anymore it’s just a job the caring isn’t there anymore your just a number
It is really sad - empathy and compassion are essential everywhere let alone in the hospital or any other caring environment!
How are you coping
I totally agree. My experience with my husband in hospital a year ago now is far too long to go into. But you would have to drag me into a hospital now.
Just trying to do every day things is so mentally draining. Big achievement managing to pay council tax over automated phone. Even if I did have to keep getting it to repeat everything.
I have the same problem with my family and it’s only 2 mths since Jan died.
I’m exactly the same. Mentally drained especially trying to sort insurances out. Thought I’d got it sorted and when wanted to renew there was no record of me. I’d changed everything to my name some months back. After a long wait on phone they had spelt my name with a G instead of a J. Their mistake but once again me sorting it out More stuff to sort out tomorrow which means hanging on phone for ages again. I feel like it’s never ending and very wearing. One day life maybe something like normal again whatever that is but honestly you’re not alone in this. Take care
It was Penny’s birthday anniversary yesterday, she been gone nearly two years ago. I decided I had to do something, and not just sit at home feeling sad.
In one of my regular chats with her, I said I would meet her on the top of Mam Tor, a big hill in the Peak District. It was important for me to have a challenge to complete, something I didnt think I could do, to show how much she meant to me.
So yesterday, I did it!!!
It was tough for a 76 year old high blood pressure, a bit overweight, with 2 knee replacements. Many times I stopped, looking up to see how far up I still had to go. Could I do it? Yes,No,Yes No …
Of course it was raining, and miserable. BUT it all added to the challenge. If my dogs could do it with their little legs, I wasnt going to let them down, or Penny!
But I made it and wished her a happy birthday, then chatted a while.
I was feeling smug on the way down, pulling the legs of several youngsters who were struggling up, hands on knees gasping for breath.
One of my knees was beginning to feel like jelly when I got down, but went for some therapy of local sausages and a pint in a lovely warm old local pub. Chatting to some friendly folks in there was nice.
Really glad I did it.!
Just to prove it, some kind stranger took a photo for me.
So, just think of something you don’t think you can do, then do it.
What a great thing to do. Well done.
What an amazing achievement, well done and your wife would be so proud of you doing that for her but equally as important doing it for you. Great photo you should get this framed
Well done Tykey Penny would be so proud xx
Well done. It was a bit of a climb 30 years ago when Jan and me did it. I’d imagine it would be quite a struggle now 
Well done you. And your little companions.
Well done to you and your four legged friend 
Very inspiring to share a challenge like that.
I remember feeling like that when my father di
Well done @Ilovehorses. (And I love the pooch). Its great to just get out there and do the things we used to enjoy with them. In the early days of recovery, I used to avoid doing things like this, because it would stir up memories and upset me. I then realised that I was spoiling my happy memories at the same time.
I now love going back to relive these memories, talking to her, with conversations often starting with “Do you remember when…?”
I was shortchanging my future.
Well done too you and your four legged friend it’s true baby steps as we can’t bring them back it’s just those small steps trying to move forward for some sort of normality in our lives