It’s been nearly 15 years since Katharine left but I deal with her memory daily. I guess I have my good and bad days. It seems each day that passes though I get more and more restless, I just miss her, and I’d love simply to talk to her, but I don’t and all this is killing me a little more every day. I’m not exactly the model of good mental health, and I worry about making things worse by reaching out. I’ve been married to my wife for almost 10 years, she’s a good woman, said she’d love me despite Katharine, but I harbour a great deal of apathy which isn’t really fair to her. She gets this broken version of me that is mere shadows of who I used to be. I have frequent nightmares, and I know I shout her name from time to time. I’m on some of the strongest antidepressants and antipsychotics known to man, it mutes the thoughts and voices but it doesn’t eliminate them. I lay her flowers down at the place we first met every 5 years, and it’s quite therapeutic in that moment but it’s only a day in the midst of years. I wish there was some kind of miracle resolution, a mere acknowledgement of my existence, but I tell you, hope is a dangerous thing, it can drive a man insane.. So I guess it’s just another day of the same and maybe these chains are the best I could ever hope for……
Hi @ajs275,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of Katharine that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to share their thoughts, but I just wanted to say thank you for so bravely sharing this with us. Keep reaching out. 
Alex