16 Months

It’s 16 months since June passed and it still seems unreal, and I don’t feel any better now than when it happened. I was with her when she died – but she was unconscious for 5 days then slipped away. At least I was with her and able to talk to her. I find myself abandoning the shopping half-way round the store. I’m struggling to motivate myself to do anything, the only way the housework gets done is because I know she’ll be angry if I let the place go. I find myself welling-up and tears flowing without any warning – at home, walking and driving. I don’t socialise with couples anymore and friends have taken the hint and stopped asking me. I’m not lonely – I just miss her so much.

I’ve joined a widows/widowers support group which helped a bit but recently I’ve begun to think it’s a place where people go to find new people – the thought of that truly horrifies me – we met at 17, married at 20 and together for 45 years. Someone there said to me that I’ll end up a lonely old monk – I’m ok with that – I don’t miss other people and I really do not want a relationship with anyone.

I’m not sure why I‘m writing this – I really don’t want to contribute to anyone’s pain, but the last few days have been very hard. I think I’m starting to accept that I’ll never see her here again, and that’s awful, it gives me a very empty feeling.

My best to you all – none of us want to be in this club, but here we are. D

I am coming up to 14 months. Married to a wonderful man for over 38 years (together 42) taken tragically and suddenly from us. I had no time to say goodbye as he was involved in a road traffic accident and I did not make it to the hospital in time. I often cry uncontrollably in the house, street or the car. I know that I can never love another person like I love my husband and am resigned to just waiting out my time until we are reunited.

Hello Sheila I’m the same lost my husband 1year ago to lung cancer there will never be anybody for me but him we were together 46years take care annie x x

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It is just so tragic. Even now I still sometimes find myself thinking this is just a nightmare that will stop and I will wake and find him lying next to me or walking through the door. x