I understand about your husband’s family.
I am the one who mentions my husband, one other family member occasionally might.
I know it sounds awful but I am fed up seeing how his family get together for coffee, meals and barbecues and had such a fantastic time.
I know they live at a distance from me but they never phone, two siblings never contact me at all. The final one replies to my messages but I am the one that always sends the first message.
They also visit friends and other relatives who live a distance away but they never suggest visiting me.
Oh why are people so thoughtless
I’m sure its because they dont know what to say and they’re worried we’ll cry and make it awkward for them. Them! I don’t suppose it would ever occur to them that its awkward for us.
Then of course there’s facing up to the fact it could be them in the same position. So they deal with it by ignoring it.
If they don’t mention it you must be ok!
Rose I completely agree. I know they will have all been outside enjoying the sunshine this weekend but no one has called or invited me to join them.
I feel like they have forgotten me or I’m too difficult for them to deal with.
So sad. Someone said in situations like ours that friends become strangers and strangers become friends.
I feel like we have all become friends albeit through tragic circumstances.
I’ll try and get myself together now and stop moaning.
Big hugs xx
Thanks all for you messages and support
It’s awful that we all feel abandoned and that people are so awkward about grief.
It is so good to have support and understanding.
I am definitely over sensitive at the moment and although I want people to care and be there, when they do reach out I think I just avoid as I find it hard to cope with them having a normal life.
I find if I share how I’m really feeling then they just look terrified or give me a pitying look.
I just wish I could go and start a new life somewhere else where no one knows me - but with my daughter still at school that’s not possible at the moment.
And then I’d be further away from those who do support me.
I seem to spend so much energy worrying about my future - does anyone else find that ?
I just can bear the thought of another possible 30+ years of this loneliness.
Sorry so negative today
Hope you all find some peace in your day xx
Don’t apologise. We all have days like this. I also worry about the future. I worry about my daughter. I used to have a large caring family as well as a husband and I knew that there would always be someone to look after her if anything happened to me. How wrong I was, now there’s only me and her brother and I do not expect or want him to sacrifice the rest of his life. He already does so much for us when he could/should be getting on with his own life.
So, I have done what I can. Made a Will, arranged a Discretionary Trust Fund and registered my daughter with a Respite Centre. They double as an emergency care facility, and my daughter will get used to someone other than family looking after her for a couple of nights now and then. It’s not ideal but it’s the best I can do.
The future is a scary place. I am wearing a teeshirt with a picture of Tinkerbell on it. It says “Don’t Grow Up, It’s A Trick”. That sums up how I feel today.
Love and strength, my friend. Xx
Well done Willow for making such positive future plans. That can’t have been easy on your own. You now have some peace of mind. You should be proud of yourself
I completely understand worrying about the future , can totally relate to wanting to just get away and start a new life as well . With my wife I was happy at home just watching tv , in our own bubble , doing nothing basically, now I just want to pack a few things in a rucksack , get on a plane and just get away from here .
I am in work at the moment it’s ok until a guest checks in I have worked here 32 years so they all know me , they knew I “eloped “ to Gretna Green 17 months ago after. 2 decade engagement! And now they are hugging me ! I mean it’s not normal practice to hug guests at check in ! I am finding the 3 day shifts ok but just don’t think I would be able to cope with my duty manager late shifts not doing them yet , x
You have so much to manage on top of your grief @Willow112
You’re doing a great job by future planning and making sure all that is there for your daughter is available to her in the future.
It’s so hard isn’t it when our kids depend on us so much and need us to be strong for them.
I get so hurt and annoyed with my husbands family at times, but then I reflect back on how we were when his younger brother died 2 years ago and we did just keep going on with daily life.
We really didn’t have a clue although his sisters were I believe more supportive than they have been to me - but circumstances and the people involved are very different.
I’m so over sensitive at the moment - sometimes I wonder where I have gone.
Make sure you look after yourself and I hope the day gets a bit better.
I’m going to head out with 2 of my kids to buy the biggest frappacinno that money can buy.
Hoping it might make me feel better for a few minutes at least
Hugs to all needing one today xxxx
You’re doing great just getting back to work - you should be proud of yourself and of what you are managing to do.
Sending a hug to help with your day x
Sounds just like me - I was thinking New Zealand as I could get a job there.
Only in my dreams though at the moment - kids always needing their mum at the moment.
Sending strength x
Thanks for the hugs everyone. They mean more than I can say. Right now I need a water cannon to aim at all the agencies and companies that are sending me STUFF. They all say how sorry they are to hear of my bereavement and then go on to say that they need me to do this, that and the other. Don’t they realise that it’s all I can do to remember my postcode right now. What is wrong with these people?
They should all make it their policy to have at least one person on their team that actually knows what being widowed feels like. FFS.
I totally agree - All the “sadmin” is a nightmare.
I’m still trying to get through all the paperwork etc and not one company has been useful or efficient.
Even those with dedicated bereavement teams. You would think they could do better as they have to do it a lot !!!
One bit at a time when you have energy - it’s so exhausting.
Hi Rose really glad your Covid test was negative. What a relief.
And yes I absolutely do believe in them. Since my partner passed away they have been nesting in the garden. They never did before. And I’ve bought some Robin feed mix today to make sure they stay🤞xx
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