16 weeks

[RoseGarden]

Good morning,

as you can see it is 16 weeks today.
Well, a little later today.

How can that be? Sadly, it is.

Last week I changed my Sunday routine.

I posted elsewhere to family and friends about my wonderful husband earlier,
actually in the morning.

I also lit a candle.

Both helped. So I will continue with that.

As you all know our ‘mood’ and attitude fluctuates, sometimes minute by minute.

At the moment, I suppose I almost have an acceptance that my life is dreadful, that I hurt unbelievably and so on. My acceptance is without tears.
I also realise that friends I hoped would return, will not. I know it happens, to quite an extent I understand but I am disappointed in them.
I have been sympathetic and there for their difficult times. I have also been the one who has tried to keep in contact but no longer.

I don’t know if this is a positive step, accepting some things or negative, resigning myself to a negative life.

Who knows, we shall see.

That is thing the thing grief isn’t it, you experience a new emotion or reaction and you do not know how long it will last or where it will lead.

Thank you letting me share.

I know go on and on about my thoughts and feelings.

I wish you the best day you can have.
I know Sundays are difficult for many.

Big hugs and lots of love,

Rose. xx

[RoseGarden]

I have just posted about him elsewhere.

Today it was purely a tribute to him…

Almost like a small eulogy.

In past posts it has been like this but with the addition of details of my loss and emotions.

Today as I started to write it, I felt it needed to be all about him as the wonderful man he was.

I will light a candle later.

Take care everyone.

Thank you being here.

Sending much love.

Rose xx

[Tde123]

Hi so sorry for your loss my husband a month ago, prior to that he was in intensive care for nearly a month . He was only 56 . Sunday is the worse day for me too … keep strong

[RoseGarden]

Thank you.

Sending you a very big hug xx

[RoseGarden]

So sorry for your loss.

As you must think all the time, so young,
too young.

Much love,

Rose xx

[Katyh]

Good morning @RoseGarden

It’s 10 weeks today that my Andrew said farewell it was about this time that he told me that he was close to dieing. All I could say was I love you and it’s ok love, you go. He died just before 12. It feels like yesterday but also a million years ago. FFS it’s really fucking shit isn’t it!

I know it feels like life isn’t worth living at the moment but in the future at some point we will all see the light, the spark will reignite and we will find comfort in our memories and not sorrow for what we have lost. I truly believe that but at the moment it’s so hard to not feel the raw loss, the future that had been taken from us and the feelings of utter despair.

Please don’t give up on the hope of a future that is somewhat happy, never what you had but still as fulfiling, just in a different way. Even though it isn’t what you have chosen, it’s what has been dealt. Please don’t condemn yourself to a life that is dreadful or negative.

Let go of “friend’s” who haven’t been a friend to you. Make new friends. You have so much to give to others, I have appreciated you as my “virtual” friend so thank you.

You do not go on rose, you are being open and honest and encouraging others to speak out. This is why we are all here to help ourselves and others.

Xx

[Katyh]

@Tde123

Sorry for the loss of your husband

Yes weekends are the worse.

Sending you love and hugs

[RoseGarden]

Thank you @Katyh .

You are so kind and positive.

I am so very sorry for your loss.

It really is .

All these raw emotions and unexpected reactions are devastating and exhausting.

The main difference for me is the lack of tears. It could well be shock or mind in self preservation mode.

I suppose this morning I am in a ‘what will be, will be’ frame of mind.
So, if good moments come then thank goodness but if they don’t. then that is very sad but not really unexpected.
Acceptance or resignation, I don’t know.

I cannot look to the future as I find it painful and frightening. So it’s day to day, sometimes even getting through the morning, and then the afternoon and so on.

I do write down things I have to do, which I usually remember. That for me is progress.

Yes, I have decided to let go of hoping certain fair weather friends will come through.
I mean the ones I know could have at least messaged me once a week, the ones posting going here and there, meeting up with others, etc.
It is sad and another loss but really it isn’t a loss is it, as they were not really there.

I admire your positivity, hope and determination.

Thank you being such a good friend.

Live and hugs,

Rose xx

[Katyh]

@RoseGarden

I know what you mean about friends, but it’s honestly their loss!

I think the not crying is all part of it. I have days when I cannot stop and others that I don’t. I think it’s all part of processing.

I came across this, which makes perfect sense to me. We don’t grieve through stages it’s more like going through a maze while riding a rollercoaster! Each moment so unpredictable.

Xx

[RoseGarden]

Oh dear,

I have just watched a short video, totally unconnected with my husband or bereavement.

The tears are flowing but it is Sunday,
the worst day of the week.

Of course, 16 weeks ago at this moment he was still alive, sitting next to me talking, enjoying a mug of tea…… and we did not know what was going to happen.

That thought and image absolutely tears me apart.

I want him back.

xx

[jody]

Thank you Rose and everyone for your positive thoughts. 9 weeks for me today ( more or less to the minute).
I am on a tears day today. In fact I’m still in bed. I decided not to give in to grief today but just let it come, but it’s exhausting.
Today I can’t think about a future as there isn’t one without him. I have friends and family but they’re busy with their own lives and they want to jolly me along, for which I’m not ready. In fact I don’t think they know what to do with me.
I was always very independent and organised so I think they assume I’m just getting on with things.
Apologies for the moan but grateful you are all here, as it is unlikely that I will speak to another human voice today. Also I know you all have your own personal battles, particularly on a Sunday.
Love and hugs to you all xx

[RoseGarden]

I totally, totally understand!

My tears have just stopped and I am just out of bed.

It is so exhausting.

This is your space to let out your feelings.

We are here, we understand.

Big big hugs and lots of love,

Rose xx

[jody]

Thank you Rose, that means so much.

I seem to be overwhelmed by everything today and it’s draining. But I know you know that too.

Lots of love and hugs xx

[Liro]

Hi everyone.
I would just like to thank everybody for being here for each other.
We all know the ups and downs of this rollercoaster, and I couldnt agree more with @Katyh’s diagram.
After a pretty positive week I felt as if I was almost at the top of the rollercoaster.
Then this morning, for no apparent reason,
I crumbled.
I’m having a dip, lots and lots of tears and that feeling of helplessness again.

I’m sorry to be whingeing, I know you’re all suffering too. But I also know that you’ll understand.

Sending hugs to everyone x

[SadGirlfriend]

You aren’t whingeing @Liro , you know what this forum is for and we all accept each others contributions.
I, too, am having a sad day today. Been out with the dog, into town for some food shopping, now I’m in the garden and have come to a complete stop. I, like @Katyh, can’t see a future. I met someone, fell in love, spent every day together for over a year and then he died. WTF. Nothing to look forward to, nothing I want to do, and I can’t think of anything that would make me happy.

[Katyh]

This sums it up! Maybe we should make a master plan together how we are going to get through this

Maybe a surviving grief guide for the poor unfortunate souls that are left behind? How we take fairy steps through uncharted waters, were there are monsters in the dark lurking around corners waiting to pounce.

Xx

[RoseGarden]

@SadGirlfriend I understand.

I cannot think of the future, so I try not to.

I think you deserve credit for what you have done so far. I read your posts and honestly,
I am so impressed!

Sending you one of my big hugs

Love,

Rose xx

[SadGirlfriend]

Thanks for that @Katyh
I am thinking of writing down all my past posts on this forum (only my own, don’t worry!), and writing them down in my journal, in date order. Then, in the future it might make interesting reading for someone who’s going through this shite, because atm none of it makes any sense, even to me.

[SadGirlfriend]

Thank you @RoseGarden.
And thank you for all your valued posts and support x

[RoseGarden]

You are welcome, you have been such a support to me. Xx