18, dead Dad, Mum has Cancer, grieving Grandparent.

Hello, I’m struggling a bit at the moment and wanted to see if there was anyone in a similar position or with any guidance.

When I was 2, my Dad died of multiple myeloma (blood cancer). I’m now 18 and working towards my A-levels (which are four months away, eek!). I’ve been raised by my amazing Mum, and it’s always been just us. I’ve also always been very close with my Grandparents, especially my Gramps who was a makeshift father figure to me.

Two weeks ago he died quite suddenly of mesothelioma (lung cancer) which has been really challenging. I miss him so much, sometimes it’s like I can’t breathe.

My Mum has also recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, which seemed a pretty routine diagnosis at first (only one breast, hormonal, probably no chemo). Then we found out it had spread to the other breast. Yesterday morning she woke me up to say it’s spread to her liver and bones, too. It doesn’t look good. She hasn’t started treatment yet (nor been given the treatment plan) but she keeps talking to me like she’s dying.

I’m trying my best to keep her optimistic but it’s really hard, and with my exams so close I’ve been struggling to revise. My response to all of this has been mainly to numb myself, which is okay until it builds up and I’ve had a few breakdowns at Sixth Form. I know it’s not healthy but it’s the only way I can cope day-to-day. My teachers are very understanding but I already have 5 essays overdue, and I don’t know how to manage all these feelings and obligations.

Any advice or anyone to talk to would be great. I feel really alone at the moment.


any way you can have a delay?

you have a pretty good excuse. note from the doctor. if her news is so close, it makes sense to me to wait.

breakdowns are nothing to overlook … they are warning flags. :purple_heart:

So sorry to hear this, your mum will be okay after the treatment, you need to stay :heartpulse: positive as you have a good future in front of you.Keep yourself busy with study but off course spend time with her as well.
The emotions are very high at your age
Sending you love and strength x

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Try to stay positive and take small steps First of all try your hardest to get all the essays done. I had cancer 4 years ago and my son was exactly the same as you He was way behind with his course work and was on the brink of leaving uni and giving up on everything as he was so worried about me. This made me a million times worse as I was so proud of him and wanted to know he would finish the course and get his degree.Somehow he managed to finish all the assignments and could see how happy I was.I continued with my treatment and what I had to do and together we got through what we had to do. Talk to your teachers who will help you and if you have to resist then so be it It’s not the end of the world of you have to resist but much better if you get them the first time Saves so much work.
Do your best to get as much done before your mum gets her treatment plan as then you will know what she is facing.Your mum will face whatever she has to with all the help from the medical team so take each step slowly.
She will be so proud of you doing all your essays I am sure.
Also speak to your doc about the anxiety you are experiencing after your grandad died
Thinking of you. Let us know how you are doing

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