Tomorrow will be 18 months. A year and a half. Time has passed so fast and, at the same time, so slowly. I’ll get up with the dogs at 4.30, put in my earphones, and go for a long walk. I’ll cry. Back home and shower before taking them again around 8 before it gets too hot. At 9.30 I’ll go to the burial ground and water the tree and flowers on her grave. I’ll probably lie next to her in the sunshine, tell her how much I miss her and let the music wash over me. I’ll cry some more. In the afternoon I’ll write some more in my book of our lives together. It’ll make me cry again. In the evening I’ll probably put on our favourite film, the Princess Bride, and wait for the line “Death cannot stop true love. All it can do is delay it for a while.” It’ll make me cry. Then I’ll go to bed. The day will pass and life will continue. Cold, lonely and empty, just like every other day.
Dear Blue Canary
I’m sorry tomorrow will be hard for you, me too. Today it’s 10 years since I lost my lovely mum. Tomorrow is a year since my wonderful husband fell to the floor and was gone.
How do we mark these days? How can life just carry on? All we can do is try and get through each day the best we can.
Wishing you well tomorrow and sending a hug x
All the best for tomorrow BlueCanary.
I hope you have a memory that will make you smile.
Take care thinking about you tomorrow.
Thank you for the kind words @Helen39, I can’t imagine what you’re going through with two such anniversaries so close together. I hope you made it through ok.
I completely agree on taking it one day at a time. I was only 56 when my wife died. We’d been together 30 years and I literally cannot comprehend the thought that I could be alive for another 30 years without her. It just makes no sense. I think one day at a time is also why it seems to have been so long - each day drags horribly, but also why the time has passed so quickly - I just lose track of the days.
It’s funny that I’ve had such good support from family, friends and colleagues, yet no one has realised the significance of the day. I don’t expect them to, they have their own lives, but it makes me realise how remembering her is now so dependent on me.
Thank you @Nightwish1, I really appreciate that. I hope all is well with you.
The day went as well as could be expected - although it is was far too hot to stay by her grave for as long as I’d have liked. I write because it helps me conjure the memories and I managed to do a lot of that today, so I did smile a lot through the grief.
Hi, I m so sorry for your loss and for your pain. I lost my partner suddenly nine months ago and it’s been hell. I’ve just come in from the garden trying to do some of the lighter work. It’s a distraction from my thoughts. I have gardeners but they’re useless. My partner always did the garden himself, kept it lovely and I feel I’m letting him down by not keeping it so well. I’m just not capable of doing the heavier work.
I didn’t cry today until I saw your post as that’s pretty much how I feel most days. I hope over the coming months you manage to get some respite as it’s mentally exhausting feeling so low all the time. Take care.
Hi @Norma1 and thank you for your kind words. It really does make a difference knowing others feel the same. On other anniversaries or significant events I have posted on Facebook or tried to talk about it with friends and family, but I feel I’m the only person who thinks they matter now. Using this forum to connect with others who understand really helps - although I am sorry if I made you cry.
I’m glad you have the gardening. I use music to try and drown my thoughts out. I suspect your partner would tell you not to be too hard on yourself. I only had a brief time with Heather when we were able to discuss what was happening but, when I confessed to falling behind on things in her absence, she just said “I’m not surprised, the love of your life might be dying.”
Take care of yourself.