my wife of nearly 30 years passed 19 days ago cancer, all i do is cry but i find it hard to stay strong in front of my 22 year old daughter, but i know i have too,ive been told i hav to wait 3 months for councilling, . but i think by then the worst times will be over,
Hi col its early days and your grief is raw,it’s a shock to the system and takes time to get your head round,my hubby was 59 lost him on 15th March,I cried every day for months,I still cry but have the odd days when they don’t come,my youngest is 23,and I have 2 older daughters 33 and 35,it takes a lot of energy to stay strong,when all you want to do is cry and let the emotions out,it’s healthier to feel the grief feel however you are feeling,I just focus on getting through one day at a time,there are many on here who know the pain you are feeling,we all seem to find the strength from somewhere to keep going,take care x
I am so sorry for your loss my wife died on 2nd of July she was 51 and I too am struggling. I still cry buckets. Take whatever help you can get but they are right about councilling it’s too soon I tried and it was no good I have arranged some more for next
I find reading books on grief is helpful just to try and get my head round things.
You are not alone keep posting on here and please take care.
Hi Col and William I lost my wife of 46 years in April and it still feels like yesterday I cry and curse when I am driving and find it difficult not to cry when a friend starts talking about her I have taken up gardening as she loved her garden and I spend most of my spare time replanting the whole thing but with the nights drawing in I am dreading winter and Christmas I do find reading this site really helps and we are all in the same boat
Today is 32 days for me and I’ve already had tears twice before 8.00 am. I’ve just found the car keys she lost 6 months ago and I can’t tell her where, and after that I decided to move all her potions from the bathroom. I’ve decided to put all her clothes, shoes, bags, potions etc in one bedroom until my daughters can deal with sorting things out. I can’t bring myself to throw anything out other than the tissues I find in every bag and every pocket. I force myself to go for a walk everyday and my thoughts go with me. I walk through the fields and woods where I can cry as much as I need to. My life feels completely pointless, although I look forward to meeting up with my kids or grandkids. I know I can’t rebuild my life and that I need to build a new life. I just don’t know how to. I did wonder about locking the door and running away for 6 months but not sure I have enthusiasm for doing that on my own. I feel quite guilty for feeling sorry for myself as my wife never exhibited any such tendency during her illness. I try to use her courage and strength as my inspiration but she was awesome, and I’m not. I read this forum frequently and I realise that there are other people here who have had to contend with much more and I can’t imagine how I would have coped. I try to think of things for which I should be grateful. We were an item for 49 years and married for 44. That’s a lot of memories and I hope to be able to smile when I recount them.
thank you so much for your reply not sure yet whether this site helps or not cos anytime i am reminded of lisa ifill up no matter were i am. but i know in time it will ease. and i keep finding them tissues as well.
hi william thanks for replying i seem to cry when anyone asks how i am doing, and like you i am dreading chrismas and also its my birthday next week i need to be strong to get thru that , will prob need a cry on my own
hi robina i think i will be in shock for ever, at the moment i dont see any way things will get easier but i have to hope they will…i find it easier to cry than to not.but i know its better to cry than to hold them in… thank you
Life is very hard after bereavement. My husband died five months ago. Everything I read on here fits with how I feel at some time during the day/week.
But I do not ‘keep strong’ for my son’s, we talk all the time about how we feel, we share the laughs and pain that belong to grief and that is the way I think we all prefer it.
Society no longer knows how to cope with those of us who are grieving, I think perhaps that we are all responsible for that ignorance.
What is ‘being strong’ , how do we display this strength, by acting not as we feel do we deny others the chance of supporting us and In our show of strength do we deny others the chance of comfort?
The problem of grief seems to have had it’s difficulties as far back as Shakespeare, who said in ‘Much ado about Nothing’ - " Everyone knows everything about grief except those of us who are grieving". How true.