19th birthday coming up

I lost my granddaughter in April, she committed suicide. She was 18 and nobody even knew she was down. She never ment for it to go as far as kill herself. She will be 19 soon and I’m still struggling with her death let alone her birthday coming up. I’m already on antidepressants.

Dear Shazm
I am SO sorry for what you atre going through. I don’t know how to help you but I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you. That must be the worst thing in the world that has ever happened to you and I pray you find the strength to cope with it.

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Thank you for your kind words. It’s hard because I was there when she was born. My first grandchild, I was over the moon. We didnt even get to say goodbye

That is so sad. But I am sure she will have known how much you loved her. Grandchildren always know. Stay strong for her.

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It’s so hard when a loved one takes themselves home as I call it. There are so many questions left unanswered, so many what ifs.
We had such a hard time coming to terms with losing our loved one in this way. We decided that we would get together and celebrate her birthday, to celebrate her life. We had a cake & sent helium balloons with messages tied to them up into the sky. It helped the smaller children in our family come to terms with it & it helped us immensely.
We also donate to our favourite charities at Christmas in her name too.
I hope & pray you will find a way of coping with the loss. As the song goes ‘One day at a time sweet Jesus’
I would say, don’t hold anything in, let it out. Cry if you feel like crying, scream into a cushion if you feel like screaming. Holding it in will just build it up.
Sending you so much love, hugs, prayers & blessings xx

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We cant let of balloons because of households meeting. We did this when she died for the whole estate. I live in Durham and the rest of the family live in north west. I travel to put flowers on every month. My partner keeps saying I’m distant and dont know what to do anymore.

Hi Shazm, sorry to hear about your loss. How sad and tragic this is with such a young life. I sincerely hope you find the strength to carry on. Take care and God bless x

Thank you. Her birthday is on Friday, I’m okay at the moment but I know as soon as I get to her grave I will break down. I want to stay strong for my daughter and grandchildren but dont think I will be able to. I will get through it somehow. Then we have the first christmas then first anniversary. Then hopefully things will slowly start to get better.

I think I can understand your partner a little. If he is not your granddaughter’s granddad, he will be sad, obviously, but probably not to the extent you are. You, meanwhile are finding it almost impossible to breathe and will find difficulty being your normal self with him. Your partner wants you to get over this and hates to see you so sad. All he wants is for you to get back to normal.
I think you need to explain to him that you are struggling to carry on and that you only appear distant because your sadness is taking all your energy. Tell him you love him but that you need his support and understanding more than ever so that you can get over this with his help and care. Make him feel needed. At the moment he is floundering and has no idea what to do and is, perhaps, getting at you because he is panicking.
I hope you find the strength to carry on. I am sure your granddaughter would hate you to feel like this for ever. You MUST allow yourself to grieve, and keep going as best you can until one day, you will feel calmer. Big hugs to you x