My dearest friend lost her beautiful son, aged 9 last October. He was such a light in my world and taught me so much about how to help people with disabilities (he had Cerebral Palsy) I am still grieving myself and obviously can’t begin to imagine how my friend feels. We live at opposite ends of the country so just popping in isn’t possible, but I miss her so much and am finding it hard to express how I’m feeling to her without making the whole conversation about me.
This weekend will be her son’s birthday. I’m struggling with knowing what’s best to do. I’ve not spoken to her for quite a while now. Have sent messages and left a voicemail when I last phoned. I don’t know if I’ve upset her or if it’s just difficult for her to talk to me. I think of them both everyday and just wish I could make things better us all. I’m feeling useless, an uncaring friend and hurting all at the same time.
I just wanted to post and acknowledge your grief and the sadness you feel. It is never easy to know what to say and words never seem to be enough. If you were closer just a long hug would mean everything. Keep phoning and texting. She will respond when she is ready. Never stop trying. She knows you are there x
Dear LesleyH321,
You are so right when you write that you can’t begin to imagine how your friend feels. I think the only people who really can are those who have lost a child themselves. I don’t know if you have read some of the posts in the category ‘losing a child’, but if you have you will have seen the scala of emotions parents experience when they lose a child.
I think the most important thing you can do for your friend is to keep letting her know that you are thinking of her and that you want to be there for her. Even if she has not replied to your messages, that does not mean that she does not appreciate it. She may just feel too down to actually reply. When I was grieving the loss of my parents, it made me very sad that one of my friends gave up texting me because I never replied. I just lacked energy and motivation to do much. We later re-connected, and when I explained why I had not replied she apologised for misinterpreting my silence.
I am sure your friend will appreciate it if you let her know you are thinking of her and her son on his birthday. Maybe you could ask if she would like it if you gave her a phone call? Sometimes talking,or even just listening, is more helpful than texting, but be prepared she may not be ready for it. Don’t take that personal, she may not be ready for it yet. Or maybe you could send her a card or letter. I personally always find it easier to write than to talk.
Good friendships are so precious, especially when we go through tough times. Just follow your heart. Jo