I lost my husband 7 months ago after a lengthy battle with cancer, and have just been stumbling through the days. I had been living in survival mode since his stage 4 diagnosis and have just got used to living this way. I always tried so hard to be positive during his treatment and not let my sadness consume me. My husband always told me I kept the family going and I kept him going, that he needed me to be strong for our son.
I have just survived on autopilot as I have got so used to doing. I knew Christmas and New Year would be hard but wasn’t prepared for this excruciating pain, it sounds silly but I feel like I’ve only just lost him and feel worse now than I have ever did, I keep getting flashbacks to the day he died and I can’t breathe with the pain.
Maybe I never fully faced up to my grief and just masked it keeping so busy all the time with work and looking after our son. Any advice anyone in a similar position could give me would be really appreciated.
I also lost my husband 7 months ago …but in totally different circumstances. He was fit and well, or so we thought, and went out for a bike ride …ironically to keep fit and keep his heart fit too …and suffered a cardiac arrest . He died in ICU 5 days later when they switched off his life support, but in my heart and head I know he never came back from the first day.
I too survive most days on autopilot. I have a mask I wear in public and only remove it when on my own … and yes Xmas and New Year were hard … but I somehow got through it …also it was our wedding anniversary on the 29th so I had that to deal with too. … as for flashbacks, every time I close my eyes I see him laid on the trolley in A&E just after the police came to get me and blue light me to the hospital, so can emphasise with you totally.
All I can say is keep doing what you are doing … it hurts, but there are also glimpses of light coming through the darkness. I know he would not want me to live like this forever, and am really trying to honour his memory and start to live again, but it is not an easy path to tread.
Take care …
Hi, I know I have survived these last ten months but I wish I could say things have got better but I can’t. I’m not sure if it is because I spend so much time on my own (no distraction) that is why. I find every day is so hard just getting out of bed. I don’t see the point anymore as there is only me now. I used to be such a positve person, funny, lively … now I’m no fun at all. I’ve lost myself. I haven’t had those glimpses of light yet and that worries me. I just feel as though I will be like this for ever. I know I will never get over the death of my husband … how could I? But would like to be some sort of mother and grandmother again.X
Thank you for your reply. I am so so sorry for your loss. That sounds absolutely horrific to have lost him so suddenly. Life is so unfair isn’t it. I can’t even imagine the shock you had. To see your husband die in front of you is an image I don’t think we can ever forget. I just hope the pain lessens for us both with time.
I had 4 years knowing my husband was going to die and that was awful but in a way I was prepared for it (as much as you ever could be). He always told me I am a young woman and he wanted me to live my life and be happy. I try to use his words each day to get me through it and to look after our teenage son but it has all got too much over the festive period.
Take Care x
So very sorry for your loss. I can relate to what you are saying, it is only my son that keeps me going. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be able to get out of my bed, every time I have struggled to get up I think of him and how he needs his mum and that keeps me going.
It would be awful if I was in the house on my own with my thoughts. I have thrown myself into work and that helped as the people there don’t know my husband and they keep me going during the day. The nights are so lonely as are the holidays, I never thought I would ever look forward to going back to work after a holiday!
Take care of yourself and I really hope it gets easier for you.x
I feel your loss.
it is now 3 years last 13th December that i lost my soulmate and i wish i could say it gets easier, but it doesn’t.
I went through the motions of Christmas but not wanting to, and i did invite 3 friends over, and we did quite enjoy the day, and as hard as it was, the alternative would have been me all alone wallowing in grief.
Also for new years eve i invited friends over,and it worked out very well, it brought a smile and laughter into the home, something that has been lacking for more than 3 years.
I hate the loneliness with no one to share ,and so i was determined to get out in the world if only for a short while.
Aloneness can be all consuming, and no one can help shift this except ourselves.
Hi I’ve just read your post,It could have been me writing it it’s exactly how I feel,I lost my husband 6 months ago and feel my life has stopped,I struggle every day just going through the motions sometimes I feel how am I going to cope with this deep grief but we have to for our families (I have 1 son daughter-in-law and 2 adorable grandchildren message me anytime sending you hugs xx
Yes the loneliness is so hard, I look over at his seat still expecting him to be there and try and not get consumed by my pain at the empty chair. My son is a teenager and is growing up. I am glad he’s out and about with his friends, that’s what his dad would have wanted for him but it’s also hard when he’s not around as the house is so so quiet. People keep telling me I should get out more myself but getting through the day at work is hard enough. Suppose we all have to just take it one day at a time.
Sending you hugs too. We keep going for our kids don’t we, my son spent so long asking me if I was okay after his dad died, and not showing his own emotions. I knew I needed to just try and go through the motions each day to give him some sort of normality, without him seeing his mum falling apart. His dad wanted him to grow up loving life and happy, it’s all on me now to try my best for him.x
Sending hugs to everyone suffering the pain of grief. My husband and soul mate died in November after a short illness. I never believed that grief could be like this. The stone in the pit of my stomach never leaves me. It stops me breathing at times, and won’t let me eat.
I’m alone, with family far away. We had only lived here for 3 years and although people have been kind I’m in need of the hugs that only family can give.
How do we all get through?