1st Christmas without Mum

My Mum passed the day after Boxing Day last year and as we’re approaching this Christmas, well l have to admit l’m not in good place, l’m still emotionally detached and just want this to be over…the thought of having to fake enjoying myself isn’t going to happen but l don’t want to spoil my nephews first xmas with his new son so l’ve decided to stay home, maybe alone or with brother…l’m even avoiding christmas stuff, l feel nothing…l just miss Mum and christmas has lost all meaning to me, it’s just another reminder that Mum’s not here…we will put up the fibre optic tree up because Mum loved that but otherwise nothing - no cards except maybe family and no presents except baby Eddie only because l can buy normal…

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I remember the first Christmas after my Mum died, like you I wasn’t in a good place, she loved Christmas and to be honest I don’t think it has ever been the same since, it has been made worse as my husband died on the 21st of December, I go through the motions for the families sake and I do enjoy it, but … , do what feels right for you, don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do, sending love xx


Hello i understand how you feel. This will be my first Christmas without my Mum and i am not looking forward to it either. She loved Christmas and always took pleasure in decorating the Christmas tree to oldie music with a glass of sherry in hand. And she put on a cracking Christmas day meal. She always made sure everyone was taken care of that was her forte. To be honest am already getting emotional just thinking about it and i just want it to pass. Without Mum here i feel empty and numb. Just cannot bring myself to get out the decorations.

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This is my second Xmas without mum. In a way it feels worse than last year. Last year I was still in shock and felt quite detached from it all and went to my cousins and kept myself really busy. This year it’s really sunk in now. And it’s a quiet Xmas at hone. The thought of mum not coming through my door laden with pressies and food breaks my heart.


Hello Jooles,
So sorry for your loss, its so sad that this year feels worse for you than last, the pain doesn’t appear to get any easier. Everyone tells me time is a great healer, but i am not seeing this in people’s messages.
Am thinking the same as you Jooles to have a quiet Christmas at home.

This is my 1st Christmas without my mum too. I am totally not in the Christmas spirit however I have 2 young children who were desperate for the decorations to go up. I put them up last week on auto pilot, my mum used to love my Christmas decorations, Christmas decorating is my thing and she loved my big switch on. I work in retail and seeing tops etc in work that I would have bought for her as presents is heartbreaking. We used to have a wrapping day we’re she used to come and her me wrap the kids Santa presents and we’d eat mince pies with Buble in the background. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d just sit and rock in the corner at Christmas consumed by my grief and loss. I’m bracing myself for the come down after Christmas. Every day I miss her more. We found out my mums cancer diagnosis on Christmas Eve last year, she died on 25th August :broken_heart:

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I am sorry for your loss, l too work in retail and have the same experiences, the only difference is that l have no children myself but l am a Great Auntie and have brought my great nephew gifts now its having to wrap them so have left over paper so gearing up for - l struggle with the simpliest things “liking” a festive photo on FB, having people wish a happy xmas…and l will probably end up doing what you mentioned although l am hoping to get over to her Memorial graden to lay a “gift” and some flowers…and we’d have Elvis in the background…my Mum passed day after Boxing Day last year and yesterday at work just found it too much luckily my Manager has been through similar so gets me and is completely understanding…my thoughs are with you…

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Hi I know what you mean this is my 1st Christmas without my mum. Since my dad passed 14 yes ago I always spend Christmas Day and mum stayed over or we’d go away it was our day Christmas Day and then she would go home Boxing Day evening . Dreading it one sense but I doing something different and I’ll have a photo of her at the table with a glass of processco as we always enjoyed xx


Im so sad to read your story. Its just so tough. My Mum died in May of this year and I almost choke on my words with how much I miss her. Mums are just the best.x


This Christmas is also my first one without my Mum. She passed away on 8th November this year and she was just 47 so it has been really difficult to accept. I fully understand how you feel about being detached and not wanting to bother with Christmas… After her funeral I just kept saying I want to go asleep and wake up in January because the thought of Christmas is just unconceivable when the one person who made it what it was, has gone. So I know how you’re feeling and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this pain too. What is getting me through at the minute, is the thought that I feel like I need to continue and make Christmas Day as bearable as possible, not for me, not for anyone in my family, but for my Mum. I want to do what she is not able to do, which is so hard I know because you just want to curl up and just skip the day completely. Just remember although your Mum is not physically there, she will be with you the whole time… But don’t pressure yourself too, if you still feel uneasy just do what you think is best for you, our Mum’s would want us to look after ourselves now that they cannot.

Thinking of you this Christmas, I understand what you are going through and it’s probably going to be the hardest and most difficult Christmas we will ever go through. Just know you are not alone, all these things you’re feeling I know myself so if you ever feel lonely just pop me a message and we can talk it out, or cry it out most likely if you are anything like me! Hope you are okay, which is stupid to say because I know you probably aren’t… But yeah again, I’m thinking of you and if you need to talk just message or reply here I am always happy to talk to anybody going through something similar as me as it really helps :heartbeat:


You guys have just summed up exactly how I feel. My mum passed away I’m may and I’m a zombie. Doing everything for everyone cause if I stop for two seconds o will crumble. My dad made me put up his tree, then he made me laugh by coming down stairs to complain that I hadn’t put enough decoration up, I was trying to be nice and keep it minimal.
He then chastised me for not having my tree up for my 6 year old (Angus went and told his granda I didn’t have it up). So away I went feeling like a naughty child :face_with_hand_over_mouth:.

Deffo I agree xx

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I’m so sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else here. I am finding it very hard the closer to Christmas it gets. I lost my Mum in March and I’m honestly dreading Christmas. I’ve made the effort for my son as he’s only 3, but if it wasn’t for him I couldn’t face it. I’m thinking of you all and hope we can l get through it somehow.

I’m not sure if anyone else feels the same, but I can’t help but feel fed up with Christmas cards wishing me a fantastic Christmas and New Year. I’ve also had my in laws saying how they need Christmas after the awful year! I also feel resentful of people moaning about the restrictions of seeing loved ones, when we won’t see our Mums again!

Thinking of you all and if anything hopefully others on here can help you through x


It’s horrific isn’t it. Sending love.

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How did everyone do over Christmas?? I didn’t cry on Christmas day, purely as I had no time to. I think I would have been a wreck if I wasn’t running around doing everything :sob:

New here … I lost my mum to Covid in April 1st Christmas without her… I think listening to many moan about not seeing there loved ones was /is tough… They really haven’t a clue, at least they will have that. Sadly it goes on and the selfishness well it’s unbelievable… not a thought for the thousands that have lost lives … :frowning:

I’m new on here, just getting to grips with everything.

I lost my mom at the end of November, so first Christmas without her.

Strangely, I’ve felt it quite comforting - I’ve always found Christmas comforting. I’ve thrown myself into trying to do all the things we’d normally do (covid allowing), & it’s kept me focussed.

But, as I suspected now January is here, it’s hit me full force again. I feel I’ve been living in a safe little bubble which I’m now emerging from. I’d pushed a lot from my mind, & now it’s all coming back.

I’m feeling isolated & lonely & can’t get out or see anyone. It’s so hard for anyone grieving through these already difficult times x

What a beautiful reach out. I’m guessing you are young, probably the same age as my daughters. Your mum was very young and you must be feeling heartbroken :pensive:.
My mum died on the 30th November and her funeral was on the 23rd December. I have a lovely husband but am struggling so badly as my mum and I were devoted.
I’m sure our mums are watching over us… keep an eye out for a white feather … all I want to do is sleep

I lost my mum on the 29/November in very distressing time in hospital. She made it to 100 only for the hospital to let her suffer and fight for 15 days . The pain of loosing her is excruciating and all I want to do is put the duvet over my head.
I think it is very early days for us both and I am hoping we feel better soon.
Keep a look out for a little white feather 🪶

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So sorry for your loss x

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