I am a 62 year old wife, mother and grandmother. My wonderful mum passed away almost a year ago and I miss her every day. We were very close and spoke to each other every day. I have lots of wonderful memories of our times together but at the moment cannot find comfort in them.
I have joined this community because I am struggling to cope with the loss of my dear mum. The anniversary of her death is very soon and the closer I get to the day the more emotional I feel. I have a wonderfully supportive husband and family, we are all grieving in our own way. I think the reason I feel so bad is that I don’t think I will be able to get to visit her grave on the anniversary. I can hear my mum saying don’t be daft coming all this way for a few hours but my head says one thing and my heart says another. I can’t stop crying and the pain I feel is so strong.
Hi ,
My mum’s first anniversary is looming too on January 3rd. I too was close to my mum, we spoke everyday .
I feel my mum’s spirit and soul is with me ,so please dont feel bad about not being able to go to her grave. Your mum is by your side .
I am grieving but I know she is with my Dad whom she adored too.
Dee x
Hi,
My mum’s first anniversary is on Dec 30th so I can understand everything you have written. It is so painful reliving the memories of this time last year. We have to get through the day and somehow we will.For me I am just going to have a quiet day and visit my local Cathedral where I will sit and reflect in my own way and light a candle for mum.
Thinking of you,
Deborah x
My Mum died last September and I understand everything you are saying. I live with my father who has Alzheimer’s Disease and cannot talk about it with him. Everyone said she had reached a good age and I was now ‘free’ to not be a carer. She was never a burden and why do people feel entitled to voice their opinions?
I’m sure your Mum wouldn’t want you to feel guilt about your grief. You obviously love her dearly and want to honour her memory.
HiLd126
When you mentioned the word burden it reminded me of when my mum was in hosp and I was fighting ,begging and doing everything I could possibly do to bring her home.She was on end of life care. A lady doctor came into her room one day and talked about mum coming home and stated they were trying to organise carers to help me. She said it could be a while before something could be sorted unless I wanted to take my mum home sooner without carers and whether I wanted to take that burden on.
To say I was appalled was an understatement. I was flabbergasted that a professional person could say such a thing in front of my mum and a nurse who was also in the room. I quickly responded saying With respect to you it certainly will not or ever be a burden and that I wanted to take my mum immediately without carers if that was the case. I have never known such hurtful words on all my life.
They are words that I shall remember for the rest of my life.
Thankfully I got my mum home and she was surrounded by love and compassion.
Elderly people who in my mum’s case left school at 14 to go to work and worked hard all her life do not need to hear they are a burden by anyone let alone from a doctor. God forbid what is this world coming to!!
Apologies for saying all this. It just reminded me of what we went through last Dec.
Thinking of you and am here if you need a chat anytime
Deborah
I’m sorry to hear what the so-called caring professional said to you. The doctor who saw me for five minutes couldn’t even be bothered to come back and I heard her say not to let in they had more staff or more patients would be coming into a&e… It was chilling. I am not naive but I was shock at the hardness of people’s hearts. Some were so kind and empathetic but the colder people are like stone. They seemed to think it strange how much Iovwd my Mother. Thank you for the kind words, and the same goes for me. Amy
I’m so devastated by the loss of my mum. I can totally empathise with you. Feeling very sad today as it’s around the one year anniversary of my mum’s death. It was unexpected and I was told she was getting better. And for various reasons I hadn’t made it to the hospital and the next day I woke up to multiple missed calls and by the time I got to the hospital I was too late. I am feeling so sad today and have felt so sad and irritable all month. I wish so many things.
Hi Mona75,
Just read your post and wanted to reach out to you. I feel your pain.I miss my mum so much. It’s 15 months for me but feels like yesterday. The firsts are so difficult to get through.
Can you perhaps do something like visiting a special place you and your mum used to go to or is it too painful.
On my mum’s first year I didn’t do anything as it was all a blur to be honest. She passed on Dec 30 th so I didn’t want to do anything except sit in peace.
Post on here as often as you want to as there’s so many people who will help you. I will also look out for you.
Keep taking small steps each day.
Thinking of you
Deborah x