1st year since my partner died.

One week on since the 1st year of losing my partner I am feeling better today. I managed to find a beautiful box for his ashes which is covered with pictures of Paris his favourite place to visit. First step to deal wuth his ashes for now. My next step is to get a buyer for our home, don’t want to move but have no choice… taking advice to just take things at my pace and be kind to myself… hugs to everyone xxx

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Hugs back to you Mo. I lost my husband just over a year ago so know just what you are having to cope with. So hard to try and function as normal. My husband had told me where he wanted his ashes to be scattered, which I did. It was on a favourite walk that he had with one of our dogs who had died previously. She is still with him, or her ashes are, and I see the start of the walk
from my window so the memory of them both going out together is there every day.
We can all in this position just take each day as it comes and I hope you are coping as well as possible xx

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Hi Mo
My husband of 39 years died very suddenly in March. My daughter collected his ashes and they are sprinkled in a much loved area of our garden.
I go out and find solice they are there but am freaked out at the thought of them being all that’s left of my love.
I look at them and can’t believe he’s there in front of me when I want his physical body back again.
Death of a loved one is horrific and I’m coping one day at a time but it’s hellish

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Hi Mo and all, our timescale is very similar Mo. Peter died on 5th August last year and it feels like yesterday in many ways. I carry on living but without direction now just reflecting and getting through the day. I was adamant last year that I wouldn’t move house but now feel it is the only way to go as the house makes me sad. Really nervous and not sure how to start as we’ve lived here for 30 years, but think it will be good for me to have something new to think about. Best wishes to all and take care xxxx.

Hi Billie… Gosh you must know how I feel, you are right sometimes I feel it only feels like yesterday… Probably like you I have had so much to deal with at the beginning as Graham died suddenly, so was in shock for a few months… My choice to sell was not what I really wanted, I just cannot pay off the mortgage, well I could but then I would be almost penniless, and at 65 that’s not a option for me… I put my apartment on the market in January this year and have had 2 chain collapse on me, although at the time I was disappointed it has given me time to come to terms with moving, I am half pack as well… I am going to rent for a year as I’m not sure what I can afford and did not want to make a mistake and regret a choice of property…
All I can say Billie is just go at your pace, don’t rush, decide firstly what you want and where, it is a big step after 30 years in your home, I have been here in Hurst Berkshire for 14 years, Graham and I were only together 16 years… second timers for us…
I do agree about being sad in your home I feel the same, so I am now thinking I am ready to move on… you take care and message me anytime… Mo xx

Hi Eve… I wish I could give you more comfort, but I do feel your pain, it is a feeling until you have been there no one understands… It will get a little easier as time goes by, but you spend many years with your husband so do try and remember the lovely years you had together… thinking of you Mo xx

Hi Mo, thanks for your kind message and advice. I know in my heart it is the right thing to do but still very scary! Im also planning to sell then rent/camp with family while I search for what’s right for me can’t make a mistake and make ourselves more unhappy can we? Peter was taken suddenly too and it still seems unreal we really weren’t ready for this were we. Though I’m glad he didn’t suffer and have to worry about me. When you are lonely it could be worth looking at a site called the Big Tent who run events for widows and widowers nationwide it may help they are very supportive as is this community. Best wishes xxx

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