Hi,
this is my first time posting here. I never thought I would reach out like this but its getting harder to cope. We were together 33 years.
My husdand died August 23rd 2025, he had been diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer in 2020 and had been doing so well with hormone therapy. His PSA levels had been rising but his scans in Jan 25 showed no more cancer than we already knew about, so doctors said change meds and carry on.
All was fine until he fractured his pelvis in April this year, but we carried on, then in mid Aug. he seemed a bit more tired and just āoffā. He was unwell for a few days and I thought he had a bad uti so ended up calling an ambulance.
He was taken in on the Tuesday night, Wednesday morning we were told the cancer was in his liver and lungs and he had a bad infection, which turned out to be urosepsis. We had a chat with him on the Wednesday and he said he was feeling a bit better and that he loved us and we said the same and see you soon.
By Thursday/Friday he was in a coma and died on the Saturday. It all happened so fast, one minute he was doing ok the next he was gone.
My daughter (26) has been an absolute rock, I donāt know how I would have coped without her to be honest, but as time is going along we have both said we are feeling worse, canāt sleep, body aching, head all over the place.
I had to go back to work 2 weeks after he died and they have been wonderful but its such a strain.
I know its just reality setting in after the shock has worn off but I feel so teary all the time. We had his birthday in October, ours are in November, then Christmas and New Year, it just all seems too much.
Sorry to ramble on, apart from my daughter and his sister I donāt have any family and its hard to tell them how low I feel when everyone says we are doing so well I just want to scream and tell them IāM NOT, but I canāt, they are grieving as well.
Thanks for letting me get that out.
Take care.
Hi Jean
My heart goes out to you itās a very hard and lonely place we find ourselves in. All you can do is look after yourself and take each day at a time. I found this site and bereavement meetings useful as you are talking to people who understand, Iām afraid other people may be sympathetic but they donāt know the sadness and loneliness we have to live with.
Best wishes Tony
Hi Jean
Iām in a similar situation to you, except it was my wonderful Mum that I lost suddenly due to pneumonia that led to sepsis. I understand how you feel when people say āyouāre doing wellā, when all I want to do is scream and say ā Iām not doing well, Iām dying inside and I canāt cope!ā But Iāve got quite good now at lying and saying Iām ok, and putting a brave face on it.
All I can say is just take one day, one hour or even one minute at a time to just get through. Iām glad you have your daughter to help you, Iām on my own and have no-one that close to help me. I do have some family who keep in touch but itās the day to day loneliness that gets me.
Look after yourself and take care. We all understand on here what youāre going through.
Hi Jean, I lost my wife of 41 years in July. People ask āHow are you coping?ā. What can you say to that? I want to say ā Well I walk round the house murmuring ā¦This isnāt fair, it isnāt right, I want you back here with me.ā And I cry a good deal and am just miserable. Of course what I say is āIām OK.ā I visited my daughter today who is lovely and so is her husband and delightful little son, but I only stayed an hour, and that after a 90 minute drive to get there! I tried to explain later on the phone that when I go out and get somewhere I just want to go home, but when I get home I donāt want to be so alone there. My daughter understood. Maybe Iāll settle someday. Take care.
George
Your post could have been written by me. Since joining this club I have had many hours to think about about the situation we are in. After nearly six months most people do not ask how you are anymore and as you say even if they did they donāt want the truth. The reality is when you close the door behind you and take your mask off you are alone with your memories and the sadness and tears are always with you. I sometimes think about my neighbours with their busy lives do they even give us a second thought and even if they did what could they do?
All the best to you and I hope we can find some comfort in the future.
Tony
Tony
In reality there is nothing even the kindest and most thoughtful people can do. Itās something we have to battle through mostly by ourselves but with some help from people in the same situation. Best wishes to you too.
Tim
Thankyou Tony for your reply. Itās good to be able to speak to others who know how we feel. Everyone means well but luckily for them they canāt really understand.
I feel this place will help me greatly.
Thankyou, I also lost my mum over 25 years ago and they are always with you, but it is hard.
I do wish she was here now to help me through this but I know she watches over me still.
Take care and treat yourself kindly.
Jean.
Jean4
This is such a traumatic time for you and your daughter.
It is good that you found this community. I found it over 2 years ago when my husband died of cancer on 23rd August 2023. Everyone is grieving here and we all understand as best we can as all our circumstances are different but we are all on this horrible journey trying to understand this strange life we are living.
Iām glad you have your daughter and sister-in-law. They will be grieving too.
I found that I needed to talk to people who had lost their husband/wife/partner and were feeling the same as me. Not sleeping, eating, crying, feeling so lonely. There are different bereavement groups around itās just finding the right one. You canāt think straight in the early days.
People around you unless they have experienced what you are dealing with cannot understand. How could they but they look and think you are doing ok and you know you are not and certain comments donāt help.
Keep posting and say how you feel.
Thinking of you.
Take care. 
Thankyou so much. It means a lot to me that i can post on here and be understood.
People mean well but as you say unless they have been in this situation itās just so hard to try and explain how you feel when you donāt really know yourself.
My daughter is my rock but I donāt want to load everything onto her as she has her own health problems and bad anxiety so I want to help her as much as she helps me.
We try and find something each day that we can ālaughā about, usually something that David would have found amusing, to keep his memory with us. Some days itās so hard to even get out of bed,though we always do and I can almost hear him say āup you get, not like you to stay in bedā.
We are trying to just take it one day at a time, but itās looking forward and feeling so alone, he had only retired one month before and we had planned so many things to do, now all gone.
I do feel robbed of a future but it I just keep thinking it was better that he went quickly and painlessly rather than suffer.
Someone once told me we grieve for ourselves as well as those we lose and I think thatās true, we are never going to be the same person as we were with them, so we will try and find the person we have to become, for us and for the them in their honour.
Thankyou again
Jean.