2 parents to 0 in 1 year

Hi, my dad died last year at the young age of 51 after a short battle with oesophageal cancer which was so painful to see as he’d never really been ill his whole life! After his death, we (my mum and brother and sisters) all struggled but my mum just broke down, it was hard to watch and there was nothing we could do because we were broken as well. Not only was it hard to lose him but me and my brother had to keep the farm which he’d left behind so quickly and try and attend our university. This had to be done ourselves as my mum had already been diagnosed the past December with stage 4 breast cancer. We watched her struggle with the loss and struggle with the everyday life of terminal cancer and on top breaking her hip! It’s been the toughest year I’ve ever had to face as she also died this past May at age 55.

Not sure what I’m hoping for from this post, I’m 22 now and just trying to find ways to try and move on which just seems impossible at the moment…any tips?

Thanks for reading my long story x

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Oh my poor love I just want to give you a big hug. Life is bollocks sometimes. You have such a lot on your plate. On here all you will find is advice, support and understanding. I too have experienced multiple deaths this year all I can say is give yourselves time, do the mundane jobs etc but you both need time to grieve your parents properly. Hopefully you have other family members /friends around you to help you, just remember take your time don’t make rash choices. X take care x


I am so sad to read your story. I have lost both parents but am lucky that I had my mum for 20 years after my dad died aged 53.
As silverlady says life is hard. I did laugh at how she described it.
What sort of support do you have? Have you friends you can talk to? Other family members?
On this site you will find plenty of people who understand so please keep coming on here and talking.
My friend lost both parents, 6 months apart. Her dad had a heart attack in the august and her mum collapsed and died in the February. She takes comfort that they weren’t apart long having been together all their adult lives.
So sorry for your losses x

Thanks a lot for reading it.
I do have a big family so if I asked for help I would get it, and a couple friends I would trust. But what annoys me most about myself is that I like to act a certain way so that people don’t know I’m hurting inside? I don’t like to look weak even though I am so I find it easier talking to people I don’t know and will never meet if that makes sense?
I tend to talk to no one about how I’m feeling and bottle everything up until it becomes too much and it all overflows.
That is one thing I try to think about, I’m not a Christian or have any belief, but I think if there is a heaven or an after life of any kind at least my mum isn’t hurting and my dad isn’t lonely so they have each other. And for my mum, as she suffered for so long with the pain of the cancer and the grief, at least she’s at peace now.


Please dont see showing your emotions as being weak. One thing I have learnt from this is that being able to cry, scream, shout etc have got me through.
Bottling emotions is so bad for your mental health. I have cried in front of everyone and I dony even care anymore.
Having a good cry relieves the pressure and really does help.
But yes, speaking on here to people we dont know definitely helps too x

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Oh this made me so sad to read this and without sounding patronising what a strong person you are to lose both parents at such a young age.

Both my parents have also died - my dad when I was younger so I don’t really habe many memories and my mum more recently 6 months ago…it’s crazy cuz I’ve only just turned 30 and still think of myself as a kid sometimes haha and I would constantly txt my mum asking all sorts of random questions…now every time I get stuck with something or need help I’m kinda like oh…no one to ask now.

I am the same with emotions, I am so happy and care free (so I’ve been told ) to the outside world but inside I am absolutely broken, nothing makes me happy anymore yet I hate crying and rarely do. People say it’s bad to keep emotions bottled up but some people just can’t cry and are not as emotional as others. That being said it doesn’t mean your weak if you do cry, but that’s just your coping mechanism and how you chose to deal with it…it’s alk about finding what works for you. Would you consider counselling? So you can talk to someone you don’t know/with less judgement? Etc xxx

The thing is I do cry, and cry quite a lot sometimes, I cry every time I think about them - but always when I’m alone, I hate crying in front of anyone, even my boyfriend. I just hate making someone think I’m not coping or I’m down Incase they look at me differently.
With a councillor I feel as if she’ll tell me things I already know (I’m very stubborn) that’ll it will get better, they’re at peace, you can’t change the past etc but it still doesn’t make things better.

Thanks for your support though, I feel as if sharing this with actual people is helping already! Xx

You are an internaliser (I am too) but the problem with that is that eventually your body will react see my thread about physical changes. You don’t want to go down that route easier said then done I know especially when you are independently stand alone kind person ( stubborn) asking for help is not a sign of weakness or not coping on the contrary it takes enormous strength and courage to reach out and say I need help. You are at an early stage of grief that’s not me being patronising it’s a path well trodden by most of us on here I spent the first six months telling people to eff off, then it really hit me I couldn’t pretend that he was away working or in another room anymore, my bed started turning into a cartoon bed where every night it got bigger and bigger and lonelier, thought I was going insane, I reached out both on here and in ‘real’ life and the help love and support came thick and fast. You hit the nail on the head we are all stranger therefore you can be as honest as you can be with no judgement, nothing you can say hasn’t been said or felt by the people on here. I hope you stay on the site and let people reach out to you. Xx


So many wonderful brave honest comments…I feel for you lovely girl…such a young age. But also…death and bereavement doesn’t care about age…I lost my dad to cardiac arrest in September 2017…instant death …while he was up the town…getting bits for my mum who was house bound with kidney failure… I was on holiday at the time and found out the day before I was due to come home…guilty for leaving my mum… has never left me…then found out a few months later mum had lung cancer which had spread vastly… lost my brave mum in may this year…after a strong battle…watching her go has absolutely broken me…watching her grieve for my dad and then having to watch her get so poorly but still so much fight…I have amazing family around me but still feel so alone…i cared for my mum every day until she ended up in a nursing home…and still visited 3 times a day…I’m new to this site…hoping to hear from people to help me name sense of this…

Thank you for reading xxxxx

Hi shazzag1970,

I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack, instant death like your dad in 1998 when I was 27. Such a hard thing to get through but I had my mum so all was good.
Losing my mum suddenly to a brain hemorrhage 4 months ago has been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure.
I’ve never been suicidal but I could honestly understand how dknepnecoukd take their life to be with their loved one.
I have a wonderful daughter and partner and added to the love abd I respect I have for my mum, I would never harm myself but i have been so very, very low.
I’m 48 now and have zero interest in anything.my beloved career holds no intetest for me and all my waking moments revolve around my mum who I simply cannot believe has gone.
Today we scattered mum and dads ashes in a garden of remembrance which was lovely and I feel that they are reunited once more having been torn apart when dad died 21 years ago.
I’m sorry that you have lost both parents and again, only a short gap between the two which is unthinkable for me.
Cheryl xx

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Ignore the spelling mistakes.this site can be a nightmare on a mobile phone x

I’ve only been on here a short time but I feel some comfort that there are others out there that feel the same. I tend to have good days and bad days with the bad days leaving me feeling empty and so alone and guilty. But the good days make me think of how strong I actually am because what’s happened will be the hardest thing to ever happen to me and I’m lucky I have a close family to keep a smile on my face.

I do take comfort, like yourself, that even though they’re both gone, if anything is out there after life then they’ll be together which is what they always wanted.

Keep strong, we’ll get through it.

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Thank you so much for messaging…I really didn’t think any one would
… you have really lifted my spirits…and am here to talk any time…I’m actually in Greece at the moment on holiday with partner…trying to relax…but am here always for a chat xxxxx

Thank you so much for messaging…I really didn’t think any one would
… you have really lifted my spirits…and am here to talk any time…I’m actually in Greece at the moment on holiday with partner…trying to relax…but am here always for a chat xxxxx

That’s exactly how I felt!
Same here, if you ever need to talk I’m here too xx

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