My husband died 6 weeks ago. He was fit and healthy and playing with the grandchildren in the afternoon , eating dinner and chatting until half an hour before I found him collapsed downstairs. The ambulance arrived within 2 minutes but in spite of heroic efforts to revive him he could not be brought round. He could have been downstairs for 15 minutes before I found him and I torture myself that if only I had gone down sooner I might have been able to save him. My daughter and her family were staying with me that night and they witnessd all. My two other children who lived nearby got round within 10 minutes and again were part of these terrible scenes and saw their Dad pronounced dead.
We had been married for 2 days short of 49 years and there should have been a family celebration that weekend and we were going on holiday 3 days later.
I am just beside myself with grief as are my children. Sleep is awful and although I was numb the first few days , I Cant stop crying now. I worry about my children and grandchildren too.
There was no chance to say goodbye for us and the younger grandchildren cannot understand where their grandpa has gone.
I feel so lonely in spite of being surrounded by people. My children are amazing and cant do enough in spite of their own grief
Can anyone give me some hope at this dark time and what i can do to try and help myself. I hate people at the moment who say it will get easier and you have to rebuild your life. I dont want to. Help
Please let go of the “if only”. You did nothing wrong by not being there at that moment. You weren’t meant to be there. Your husband’s last day on Earth was spent with his grandchildren, playing and laughing, then dinner and conversation with you, his wife of 49 years. Tragically, a wonderful day for him was the worst day of your life. I am so sorry. His death was so unexpected, of course you are a mess, can’t sleep, can’t stop crying, and tired of trite comments, but it really is okay to not be okay. You will move at your own pace and you will recover, you will survive and you will move forward. Just not today, or this year, but it will happen. Perhaps you could check into local grief support groups at local churches or community centers. Talking to those who have been where you are and have found a way forward may help you. No one knows unless they have experience. I am pulling for you.
Hi @Heartsand, I am truly sorry to read you have lost your husband in such circumstances, sadly it is so common as posts on here will show, nearly seven months ago my wife collapsed in front of me from cardiac arrest so I was there instantly and able to start cpr, medics and doctor arrived quickly but nothing helped so you question “what if” as PeachesDixon said please let the “if only” go, you will beat yourself up about it and it will prey on your mind but won’t help, as with all of us, you did your best and there was nothing more you could do, sadly life can be cruel, accept the love and help from your family and friends, there is no right way to grieve it is what you want and need to do, there is no time scale, try not to dwell on the future and deal with each little minute, hour, day as they come. You will see many posts on here of people in the same situation trying to understand what has happened, they have been there, they have experienced it, they understand you and they will help you, don’t be afraid to post whatever you want, whenever you want, they get it.
Take care, look after yourself and allow the tears to flow.
My story is similar in some ways. My husband was fit and healthy, we had been away for a couple of days and enjoyed a nice relaxed time. That night, we went to bed, the same as always. He suddenly started to make a strange noise in his sleep. To cut a long story short, it was a cardiac arrest. I did CPR until help arrived. The hospital induced a coma, but he never regained consciousness.
He was my second husband. My first died 29 years ago, another cardiac arrest. He was an athlete, trained every day, ran competitively most weekends. He died whilst out on his usual daily run, it was too late when he was found.
Despite this being my second time, I don’t have any answers. As others have said, take it one hour at a time. The pain does gradually ease. I find it is better to keep busy and push negative thoughts away. But that is just what helps me. Others have different strategies. Do whatever helps you.
Wishing you strength and sending hugs.
Xx
Hi I am so sorry you are part of this club. Like willow Gra was my second chance of happiness,
But life is cruel as we know to our costGra passed on the 16th june this year after fighting sephis, his heart wasn’t strong enough to fight no more.
I have done all the what ifs and believe me they dont solve anything.
You have to do what is right for you there is no easy way.
If possible try and find some comfort knowing he had the best day .
Hugs to you and your family Jo xxx
29 years was a typo. It was 20 years ago. We were married for 28 years.
My second husband died 4 months ago, we were married for 16 years. He was also widowed.
Xx
Hi @Heartsand
I am so sorry for your loss.
There is nothing I can say that will make this any easier for you.
But I can say that I, and everyone on this forum, understands what you are going through.
And the total heartbreak and devastation you are feeling.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, we are all different but having others in the same situation to chat to does help.
You can say whatever you want, you can rant if you want.
Nobody will judge.
We will just listen and support you.
You are not alone
We are all here for you
Sending love and a big hug
Liz x x
Hi,
I am new here and reading that sudden cardiac arrest is common within the space is heartbreaking.
I was married 20 years to my soul mate and this July on our way home from a lovely evening my husband collapsed and never regained consciousness aged 44!
As a family, myself and my teen children are lost. I can empathize with everyone here in similar situations.
My only hope is to be here for my children to help them cope and to somehow get out of what only feels like groundhog day.
I’m so sorry for your loss @Nikita-85
Please be sure we understand and you will find nothing but understanding, kindness and support here.
We all understand, we are all going through the same heartbreak
You are not alone
We are here.
Sending you love and a big hug
Liz x x
Dear nikita thank you for your reply to me.
I never realised a cardiac arrest could come out of the blue with no prior warning signs until this happened. I am so sorry for your loss.
Life is going on around us and thats so difficult to process in this situation.
After 6 weeks Im finding it difficult but I conquered one demon and went to a supermarket today.
I wish you and your children well.
Heartsand xx
Dear Liro
Thank you for your words of comfort and Im sorry for your loss.
Its rubbish but I am trying to get by.
An admin task and a walk and a rant at some useless call centre peron a day seems to be my routine.
My children are amazing . Their Dad would have been so proud. My consolation
Heartsand xxx
Dear PeachesDixon
Im sorry for your loss . A lot of people have said my husband had the perfect last day . He was so happy with his children grandchildren me and his football team winning.
I find the suddeness of his death so hard to process but I have to.
All the best Heartsand x
Im so sorry for your loss. I never realised that what happened to my husband sadly happens to others.
The suddeness is overwhelming and makes the loss worse.
Im trying like you to carry on . My children are brilliant
I go from day to day
Heartsand x
I am so sorry for you and thank you for reaching out to me.
Yes this is a horrible club to join
Love Heartsand x
So sorry for your loss willow.
This is a hard road to navigate.
Im tired of people saying to me after 6 weeks it will get easier.
Love Heartsand x
It’s been almost 3 weeks since my husband died. It was also his heart. I was in the same room as him, I didn’t notice anything wrong until he made a funny noise. Thankfully our kids were outside playing football with friends. It’s so hard not to think that maybe I could have saved him if I’d noticed sooner. He was only 42. Sending big hugs to you all. xx
So sorry to hear about your loss sending prayers​:pray: