2 weeks a widower

Losing a partner
1

I am not sure what to expect with this post. I just feel the need to do something.

I am 38. 2 weeks ago my wife was unexpectedly taken from me, 1 week before xmas. We had 2 young children, 7 and 5, plus my wife had a daughter, my step daughter who is 21.

We were incredibly happy and looking forward to xmas before this nightmare started.

My wife was my soul mate in every sense. I worked full time, she looked after the house and I relied on her for so much. She was so loving and accepting. She did the majority of parenting.

My step daughter has suffered borderline personality disorder, my son has severe autism, and my daughter is very delayed in her speech. My wife was on top of all of this and did an amazing job.

She had only a few months ago received a British Empire medal for her amazing charity work.

I know this may seem a common phrase in this situation, but I really do not know how I can go on.

I am getting up each morning, exhausted by the children. They are dealing with it very well, but I fear how this affects them in the long run.

When they are asleep, i am alone with my thoughts and I wish for nothing more than to be with my wife, either her being alive or me being dead. I am not suicidal it must be stressed, I could never do that to my kids.

Whenever i was feeling low, stressed or anxious, my wife would help me through it. With her gone, I literally do not know what to do.

I fear I will become bitter and angry, and snappy with my children. I need to fix myself so I can be there for them, but everyday gets worst.

People say it gets better with time, but every day is another day since I last saw my wife, so I do not know how that can be so.

I try to escape from reality becoming someone else, but when I am back to me, the pain is still there.

What do I do?

5 Likes
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Hi, So sorry for your loss and I’m hoping that you are holding on. It’s the worst experience for anyone to go through and especially with young children. I can’t even begin to think how you can cope on your own and you must get some help. You are not alone there are so many of us in varying stages of grief. Can your family help and then look to ask locally for some respite either through the doctor or council. Keep going and we are here for you.

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I moved to Basingstoke for my wife. All my friends and family are in Reading. My wife’s family is here, but they are struggling too.

My parents are there when I need them, they are watching the kids this weekend, but most evenings there is nobody

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Hi, I’m glad that you do have some help at this time and you must carry on and look to the future with a backup plan. Your wife would need you to be strong and cope but it’s so hard in reality to do it. I know as I plan everyday to make a difference and it’s so easy to give in. At least you have your children that need to be looked after. Be strong you can do this. We are here.

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Hello and welcome Kevin,
I am so sorry for your loss and know how you feel like many of us on this website. I also have the feeling that I don’t want to go on without my Billy but have to try as we have also an Autistic son who is 40 years old. Bill died on the 25th of August and it is still very very raw and has not got an better. Christmas and New Year have been particular hard as everyone seems to be with family and happy celebrating. I was not going to get a tree but my son really wanted one so bought a smaller one which we dedicated to my husband.

Yes life will never be the same again but we have to carry on for our children as you say. Not easy I know but they would have wanted that. I am not particular religious but firmly believe that we will see our loved ones again. At night I go out into the garden and look up at the stars and talk to Bill. I am really upset when there are no stars.

You look after yourself and be kind to yourself. That is what people keep telling me. Others say, you are really doing well, not really knowing how I go to pieces at the slightest thing!

Take care, Marcella

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The scientists say that we humans are composed of star dust…I like to think that each star is just one of those we have loved letting us know that they still burn brightly …even behind those pesky clouds! Take care x

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Dear Kevin,
I am so very sorry that you have lost your wife…life is unbearably cruel and beyond comprehension at times and words are never enough.
It is such early days for you…you ask what you should do but I think you already know…you have two children and a young adult whom your wife has entrusted to your care and somehow you WILL rise to the task. Just take each moment as it comes…baby steps are all that are needed now…concentrate on the immediate and ask for help from your doctor and the children’s schools or any other source which presents itself. You have a very difficult path to tread but you will find a way forward if you believe in yourself and the love you shared with your wife.
Please keep posting…others on here will reach out and help whenever they can…Take care of yourself …your children need you. God bless x

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