I am trying to be brave, strong and bold, but it has not been the easiest last three years of my life ! Since losing my handsome and loving daddy over two years ago, I still strongly believe he will come back to me. I can’t just put into words how much I miss my old man, especially after not physically seen him for 19 years. Of course there’s the guilt I will carry on for the rest of my life, not seeing him sooner, and maybe not been the best daughter, but I tried my best with the resources available to me at the time. Sometimes I want to be strong and not forget because you can never forget, but try to put this at the back of my brain, but then all of a sudden I become overwhelmed with sadness and I feel very sad and miserable again.
Being my dad’s first daughter and only daughter, we were close, but not close enough as I would have wanted it to be. I am so lost in this world without him, especially as I am going through some health challenges myself. I really feel he will be at the other end, and just give me a call to tell me it’s all a prank he went no where. It dawned on me that he was truly gone when he didn’t call for his only two grandchildren to wish them happy birthday, nor to wish me well on my health recovery. I tell you this cuts like a knife, I can’t just imagine my life without him, my hero, my friend, my motivator, my highly educated old man is gone for good, not to hear his voice , laughter nor cries anymore. Daddy your death was seriously painful, but you were in so much pain before you died. You died mysteriously and in a very fast manner, but God knows all. I miss you my superhero, seeing you again will now have to be when we meet at the spiritual realm, but one thing is for sure, I am super glad that the last words I told you was I love you dad over the phone before you passed away - that gave ne some kind of comfort. You created a big hole in my heart that I don’t see myself in having the capacity to mourn for anyone else for a very long time, I haven’t healed Father. Rest well daddy xoxo 
im so sorry