Hello everyone, this is my first post here , I’m not really sure how to begin so I’ll try and see how it goes . I lost my husband 2yrs 4 months ago to cancer and I just can’t move forward I miss him so very much and I just can’t see a future for me even after all this time , I’m 55 now and we’d been together 31 years and married 18months when he died and the 2 days leading up to it are the worst days I’ve ever had in my life , he was diagnosed in 2014 with bowel cancer and lots of surgeries followed inc chemo , radio therapy etc , he ended up with a stoma and a urostomy and eventually the cancer spread to the sciatic nerve during Covid so subsequently they had to cut the nerve resulting in the loss of use of his left leg , but we soldiered on adapting the house for a wheelchair and his bathroom but we couldn’t get any physio as the nhs place all closed in lockdown so we had no choice but to pay private physiotherapy people and it really improved his mobility but the downside was expense and in total we spent £28k over 18 months but the cancer then spread to his stomach and he started vomiting faeces so back to hospital were he passed away 2 days later with me not able to visit . I feel so lost and I have no enthusiasm for life at all , I avoid people ,situations and even family gatherings, I’m self employed but I’ve let the business crumble and basically I sit on the stairs in my house all day .im sorry for the rambling post and there’s a lot more to it but I’ll leave that for now . If you read this then Thankyou , iain x
Bless you ,
Horrific for you and i understand how difficult it must be for you to move forward .
When you love one so deeply the pain you must feel watching them go through something so terrible must be unbearable.
What would your husband want for you ?
He definitely want you to be happy .
You would want to live a life that makes him proud of you.
He has physically left you ,but the love is still there .
You haven’t stopped loving him ,and they still love you . On that level we are still connected .
We are all different ,and I hope you find your way.
Sending you love and hugs xxx
I am so sorry for your loss after such a long time together. I lost my lovely husband last year on Valentine’s Day unexpectedly. I gave him my card and presents, and three hours later he went. He had undiagnosed kidney cancer, which already spread to other organs. Since then, I have been trying to cope with my life. I merely exist. I still cry, but not so frequently anymore, but I still feel completely exhausted. I am 63, and in a few weeks, I will turn 64 - the second time I have my birthday without my Philmore. I am on my own. Do you have any family who can support you? I had 6 x counselling, and it did help me a bit. I am a bit calmer now but still grieving every minute. I hope you can find someone to help you through this horrible time. This forum has helped me greatly. Sending you lots of hugs and love. You are not alone.
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Well said. I also feel my Philmore still around the house. I am sending hugs and love.
I’m so sorry for your loss it’s an awful place to be isn’t it , I don’t know about you but I don’t know how to be me anymore, I always feel disappointed when I wake up in the morning that I haven’t died in my sleep . I always knew what my life was but now I just don’t , I can’t bear to take my wedding ring off or scatter his ashes as it just feels like I’m throwing him away x
I also still wear my wedding ring and the earrings my Philmore gave me as a present for my 60th birthday. His ashes are upstairs in my/our bedroom. I also have his lovely face on two pillows - one on the couch next to me and one on his bedside next to me. And, of course, there are many photos everywhere in the house. His last photo - taken at the previous work Christmas party in December 2022 - is on my laptop. I am also always disappointed to wake up every day to the same miserable life without him. I cannot see any reason why I am still here - I have no one to care for or live for, but I will not give in negative moods or feelings. It is hard, but I know that Philmore wanted me to make the best of the rest of my life. Sending hugs and love.