I am just numb now , I literally have had a lifetime of loss the hardest one I can’t even tell anymore the choices are
My mum, Brother , Dad, Husband and best friend
There are only so many times a hearty can be shattered before it’s irrevocably broken 
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It’s literally the same for me @Shiv. The first was my stepdad who was old and frail. Then my lovely mum, again old with many health issues. The next was our best friend who had a stroke following a cancer operation. My brother in January 2017 from pancreatic cancer finally, that same year, my wonderful, wonderful fit and healthy husband, by a sudden and totally unexpected cardiac arrest.
All losses have been heartbreaking but I know the hardest and most devastating because I live with it every minute of every day and will go on living with it for the rest of my life. 
I am so sorry your life has been shattered by so many losses but please know you are not alone. You have found your way to a place where we all understand and I hope you can find some comfort here. xx
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As Kate mentioned it doesn’t get any easier with multiple sas losses. We just need to find a way of coping. I listen to a lot of music and made a playlist from the songs on here. I lost and had to arrange my Dads funeral and husbands 6 mths later. I was so busy with everything that honestly it is now the emptiness is hitting me. I also lost my 2 closest friends whom I could confide in. I lost them all over a period of 14 months. I think the biggest issue for me now is I no longer have a “ special” person in my life nor am I in theirs! I lie ay night wondering where I’ll go from here. Sometimes I feel afraid of the future but then I remind myself that they all loved me and that I was blessed to have them in my life. It’s w kind of comfort and reminds me to go ahead and make something of my life as they didn’t get the same chance. Coming on this site or even just reading other posts really helps. Sending warm thoughts your way.
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Thankyou Kate I’m just learning I think x
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Thank you, it’s so sad that other people have been through as much as me , lots of love x
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First time posting here I lost my dear wife Jackie of nearly 40 years on Jan 26 2020 after a long battle with breast cancer.She was 61 and she was my whole life.
Cancer is such a cruel disease wreaking havoc mentally as well as physically. I have two great kids ,a granddaughter and two dogs . It’s almost 2 years now and I’m afraid I feel worse now although I give the impression to the kids that I’m ok as they have been through enough. It the feeling of emptiness that never leaves and it intensifies in house when I’m on my own so much so that I go walking for miles just to be out of house. I thought maybe talking to people who have experienced loss in their lives would help. Thank you jim4
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Hello Jim, I’m sorry you find yourself here. Losing our other half is something we never get over. We do become amazing actors though, wearing a mask daily so everyone else thinks we’re ok. It’s been more than 4 years since I lost my husband and I can know a certain contentment now, but that’s only because I carry him with me wherever I go.
This forum has been incredible and it’s the one place we can go knowing there’s others who understand. Keep reading and posting, join in conversations in the hope you will find some comfort. x
Thanks Kate
Firstly I am genuinely sorry for your loss and I hope you are finding it easier to cope as time goes by.
It’s been nearly two years since I lost Jackie and I stll am all over the place at times when emotions are triggered sometimes by the strangest things. Loss has a huge impact on a family but thankfully both my kids now both adults seem to be doing well. I think my confidence took a hit and I am only now finding it easier to speak about it without getting upset. I appreciate your comments Kate stay safe and well
Jim
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That struck a chord with me After 2yrs without my lovely husband I am only now being able to talk about him without crying well some of the time He was my life and sometimes the future looks very bleak I can’t imagine the rest of my life without him in it . I find that a very hard thing for my brain to process it’s a very lonely time without our partners here to share everything with us and I miss him enormously x
Thanks for listening xx
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Hi Liz
Firstly it’s nice to hear from you and I am sorry for your loss. The biggest mistake I made when I lost my wife Jackie was to shut myself off from the world sort of wall myself in a sort of functioning recluse for a year and a half. It’s only when I thought about it that Jackie wouldn’t want me engulfed in sadness and I have a responsibility to my family. So however difficult it is we must try to move forward and she is with me all the time anyway which gives me great comfort. I am more than happy to have a chat liz any time you feel like it as talking certainly helps to minimise the dreadful feelings of anxiety I’m sure we both experience.
Best wishes jim4
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Hi
It’s strange how the most innocuous things can really upset you. I was in hospital for a minor op and on that particular day I didn’t have the gloom cloud following me around thinking about things as seems to be my waking routine now. All was OK until nurse asked me for name of my next of kin a feeling of panic gripped me and I couldn’t speak and had to walk out to car park .That incident still torments me as it was another connection with my Jackie being torn away from me. Bereavement truly is a horrible situation in
so many different ways
Regards to all jim
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You’re right Jim if anybody had told me I would be feeling like this
I never would have believed them . The hardest thing is
not hearing his voice and not discussing normal everyday
worries with him . and sometimes saying the wrong thing at the wrong time to family and he was always there to back me up I tend to think
before I speak now which is not always a good thing . I still have days of panic even now after 2 yrs knowing I will never see his lovely smile or hear his voice or hold his hand or kiss him as I’m walking past him what a strange life thank goodness for this site Thanks for listening best wishes to you x
Hi liz
I am certain that things will improve as time passes but it is hard for all of us to adjust. Take care Liz .
Jimx