Today it is 2 years since I lost my darling husband, only 61 years old. I cannot believe I have managed to live 2 years without him. He was the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate. We had 32 years together, not long enough. He was such a big strong man until the cancer got him. He tried so hard to fight it, but the chemo utterly destroyed/demoralised him. It made him so poorly in the end the hospital stopped it. He had been told he could have immunotherapy as well, but that did not happen. Sadly when he eventually was taken seriously by the doctors his diagnosis/treatment was during lockdown so I could never go with him and ask questions/fight for him. We did not even get a Macmillan nurse to help us until a couple of months before he died. The anger I felt with his care/treatment was off the scale. To add insult to injury the GP sent me a condolence card after he died. How I got through the first year I do not know, in fact a lot of the year I cannot remember living or functioning. This year has seemed to be harder, I think it is the reality that this is now my life on my own. Today has been horrible. I am dreading 9.15pm, not sure how I will react. I do have a life now & do things, but it is hard & it is not the life I want by any means. I seem to just muddle through life, not quite sure how I get through the days. My sleeping is still terrible, my diet is rubbish - cannot be bothered to cook. My mum has been my saving grace, she has quite literally kept me alive. She is 81 and lost my dad 15 months before hubby died. Without her I don’t believe I would still be here, but I have to keep going for her. I see her most days & she rings me twice a day, checking up on me probably. Going out with her and a friend this evening, hopefully I will not have a meltdown. We will raise a glass to him. Love you Rich, always & forever. 
xxx
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Hi @warriner21 ,
Thank you so much for sharing this with the community 
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I just wanted to let you know that you have been heard and you are not alone.
Take good care,
Alex
@warriner21 hope you managed to get through the day and shared some nice memories of your husband. This grief journey is hard. Much earlier days for me but like you I’m somehow getting through them. Some better than others. Take care.
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Thank you Jan17. Glad the day is over to be honest. You are right this grief journey is so hard, not a journey any of us want to take. You take care too. x
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