20 months on feared hospital mistake

Every morning and throughout the day since my mum passed away about 20 months ago I still feel deeply disturbed that the hospital may have made a mistake with my mums diagnosis saying to me she had hours to days left to live. (Undiagnosed cancer which I question if it could have been treatable). It never felt right her being sedated within 6 ish hours and put on end of life care with no more blood or observations tests after the initial an and e ward. I have done research which could POSSIBLY suggest that they made a mistake in interpreting her blood test results. I have requested the records and I am waiting to receive them. It won’t bring her back. It is so instinctive in me to get the answers and settle this in my mind I can’t let go of it. It haunts me. If mistakes were made I want the people who made the decisions to know they made mistakes. I don’t want it to happen again to anyone else. I want to know if I am right. What I hope more than anything is to discover is that I am wrong. And that the right decisions were made. I fear I stood by and let them kill my mum. The seven days she took to die were desperate and traumatic. I feel responsible I didn’t fight for her more thank I did. I asked so many questions during the process but not the right ones that have led me to where I am now, with more information about a possible mistake they made. That’s why I want the answers. To know I did everything right and as much as I could. If there is a way to cope with this I don’t know it. Thank you for letting me say this out loud … it’s very difficult.

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I’m in the same boat as you. The hospital has admitted prescribing a drug for my husband that could have caused his second stroke. Maybe he would have had another one any way but our family lost a good man too soon. I am waiting for the results of an internal inquiry this should never happen again.

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@Anne62 so sorry for your loss and also for having to go through what you’re going through.
I ended up having to put mum into care for the last 18 months of her life because it wasn’t fair on her or me towards the end. She needed her dignity and I wanted to be her son again.
I wish I never did, the care home were dreadful. I went to see mum at least 3 times a week and I checked records, feeding charts etc and I was constantly pulling them up.
In the end she had a fall out of bed and I contacted the local council, they moved her within a week.
I wouldn’t let it go and for the last 18 months I have challenged the CQC, the care home and also the owners of the care home.
The council, Environmental Agency and finally the Care Home apologised. The manager and assistant Manager were both let go and the CQC have had to look at their practices again.
I spent a longtime beating myself up about the care home and the care mum received. 70% of the time she got the care she deserved, the rest she didnt.
Keep fighting until you get answers. You owe it to ypur dad and ultimately, yourself. It should settle your mind either way x

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Lost too soon :broken_heart: I can relate - I can’t say for sure there was wrong doing in my case but the sense of it being someone’s or some people’s fault … someone for whatever reason making that or those decisions - I can’t imagine how much worse it must be for people who suffer deliberate harm to their loved ones - I wish I knew what the people left behind say to get themselves to get through life. I hope you get answers and have others supporting you. I do a little. I’d like to have my family support me but I think people are afraid or just too traumatised to look back. I think people would like me to let it go because it’s too late. We do our best to save our loved ones. We tried. What more could we have realistically done when we can’t see everything as it is in that moment only to know later what was happening before our eyes. Mistakes must be avoided and addressed. Apologies made. We need to be heard. We need to be able to live in peace as best we can. Sending you hugs.

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Please see my reply above too as I would probably say the same - some of it to you too- I’m glad to hear that at least there were consequences to the people who were involved. Did that help you move on? Thanks for your reply :people_hugging:

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@Anne62 it eased it slightly. But you have to move on, otherwise it tears you up. Ive gone over it, gone over it, and gone over it countless times. Getting the home to amend their instructions, remove staff and apologise was a small victory, but it eased some demons

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I’m in the same position.
I know I can’t bring him back, but I would hate to think that opportunities were missed and I would hate anyone else to go through the same.
I have an appointment with the MDT at the hospital to discuss various aspects of his treatment around the time he was given the 2 year ‘all clear’ and to see if there are any learning points for the team, given his case was quite complex.
I also sit with lots of guilt, wondering whether I could have done something, should have noticed something…
I truly hope you get some answers, the feelings of guilt are normal apparently, but that makes none of this any easier.
Thank you for sharing your story x

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Thanks for your reply :pray:t2: I think what you did is very admirable. It can’t have been easy. I think a lot of people couldn’t face it. I appreciate your honesty saying it eased only some of your demons.

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