20 months

Hello everyone. It’s 20 months today since my son died in an accident. It was a Sunday morning too, 10am and it was the 8th too. I can still see the police at the door. Just like the adverts on TV. I have no idea how I got to here. The first twelve months I was in shock. And there was all the ‘firsts’… Birthday, Xmas,. And we undertook a fundraiser and raised £23,000. But now the visitors have stopped. Family are back in their own lives. And it’s just me and my thoughts. I haven’t found joy or happiness in life yet as some have said I will. I would willingly swop places with my child. But life dictates otherwise. I take each day as it comes. I don’t plan anymore. I got myself two dogs and I walk them and talk to them. My son absolutely loved dogs and I know he would love these two. I’m really just rambling with my thoughts today, sorry. Love and strength to you all xx

Hi im sorry for your loss :sleepy:, it felt strange to me when as you say the visits stop and people get on with their lives. We have a memerial garden in our garden for our son i did find it helpful in the early stages as i planted things and kept it clean i could chat away to him x

You poor soul, I am so sorry,

My visitors stooped too,and every one thinks I’m back to usual . It’s hard not showing I’m a wreck…

I am so sorry for all your losses , I to list my son 6 month ago, and reading these story’s , and all going though the same thing, people think we are all ok , but inside the pain and hurt, people go on day to day with there own life, as everything back to normal, but for me it will never be normal again, I just miss him so much, the pain is so hard at times, I really can’t see the point , sometimes, I just wish it was me instead of my son, , so to see other story’s which is going though the same, give me some little strength that I’m not alone, as unless you lose a child, people don’t no the pain and hurt your going though , love to you all Helen xx

Good morning Helen. I’m sorry that you are on this painful road to. It’s early days for you and you will probably be still be in shock to some degree. I think that up to a year after my son died I was subconsciously waiting on him to come home. I knew he was gone and yet I still half believed he would just come through the door. I like you miss him so much. The pain stabs me in the heart at times. He was my life. And he loved life, he had so much to give and to do. I ask why, why him and not me. It’s hard when people stop calling, stop asking. It’s hard to see them getting on with life while we are frozen in time. Life will never be the same for us and I suppose our job now is to find a way of living with this pain. In my case I think it will be survival not living. Sending you a virtual hug from one mum to another :heart:

Dear orchard, so sorry for your loss, I send my son a message on messenger every morning, hoping , that this is all a nightmare and he will get back to me, but I no in my heart he won’t, he was 34 when I lost him, Daniel was in Spain for for 6 months, twang me everyday, the night before he died, he rang to say he was coming img home for Christmas and was so happy, to see us all, as I was Daniel, the next day I messaged him , rang him but nothing , I knew in my heart something had happened, my ex husband was saying , he’s gone out with mate he will be fine , but I knew in my heart, everyday I kept trying, crying hoping I would hear from him, a week any my ex finally went out, and found him died on the floor, he died of carbon dioxide poisoning, that phone call I will never forget, they say know bees is good news , but now no that’s not true , I’m in pain, and the emptiness I have, a part of me have died with him, never thought this would ever happen to me me, the worse thing I’m my life, is losing one of my children has happened , sending my love to you Helen x