Dear Elaine. Any advice anyone can give will be totally inadequate. Your pain is indescribable. You have come here and we will all feel for you and send as much love and prayers as we can. If not prayers then sincere good wishes. Life can be so cruel at times, and we just can’t get our heads round why. One of the things that kept and keeps me going is the thought that my wife would want me to be at least content. It’s nearly two years now since she died and it is a little easier.
Please come back and talk to us. Try not to go it alone. Never a good idea.
Love and very best wishes. John.
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Dear Elaine, I have no words of advice but send much heartfelt love 
Take care of yourself, Louise x
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Dear Chad
I lost my darling husband in January and fully understand the agony you feel. Life as we knew it has stopped. It’s such a deep pain to bear. I hope I can offer a few words of comfort. Sadly i lost my first husband , my soul mate, 21 years ago, completely unexpected, shock was indescribable. Only my daughters kept me going. My life was over, I thought.but. It does get more bearable, never leaves you, but just a chink of light starts to come. No time limit, were all different .
I was lucky to meet a wonderful man who had lost his wife , we helped each other and enjoy a wonderful , happy marriage. Tony became very ill with a rare neurological condition, I nursed him at home , between hospital in London and The hospice. His fight ended in January. I am broken hearted. People say you’ll find happiness, I don’t, I feel pain, loss and ache for Him. I recently threw myself into fundraising fir the Hospice, we owe them so much. I forced myself to get out and do this , it helped me, I feel I’ve done something else for my darling husband. I am not. Good , miss him so so much, it’s lonely, I don’t like, being alone , the only thing apart from my daughters and grandchildren and many good friends that keeps me going is that .I know it will get a bit easier, Never the same but one day you’ll laugh and be surprised but it WILL happen . Hang in there , it’s a hard journey but you will get there. Sorry if I preached but I’ve had to do this twice and both are devastating . Thinking of you and all on here who suffer the samevx
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Hello, Jaynel.
Your message has really resonated with me as, for me too it is getting harder, not easier with time, which is what people seem to expect - what I expected. What seemed such an unbearable burden at the beginning has become heavier as possibly the shock is wearing off and reality is imposing itself . Perhaps it means we have turned some sort of corner and are ready to take a new step on this hateful, unwanted journey.
I don’t really know how to go on. My husband and I were everything to each other, true soulmates, sharing all our activities and friends with no desire to have separate pursuits. Many people on the forum have children and grandchildren but I have no-one at all. I was the youngest of our circle of close friends and am now the only one left. My husband loved and cherished me for nearly 60 years (anniversary February) and without him I feel afraid as well as grief stricken. My identity eludes me as I don’t know how to be “me” instead of “us” or “I” instead of “we”. People tell me to think of the good times. There were no bad times except for the deaths of our parents, friends and pets, when we could cry in one another’s arms. Thinking of special times just hurts so abominably that I find it best to block thoughts all together. I can keep it up for hours at a time, especially before this latest lock-down when it was still possible to see people. This is exhausting and afterwards would come the meltdowns when I feared for my reason - still do. People say it will get better over time but I don’t think I will live long enough for that. I am ready to die as soon as my new will is in place. All I want is to be with him again although I am fearful of the manner in which I might die. Christmas is coming, a time that has been joyous all my life. We spent over a week making the house like a Christmas card. I can’t do it alone. Even if I could, it would not be possible for me to sit alone in a huge dining room, glittering with colour and light, a roaring fire (could I set a fire?) and emptiness where my husband should be sitting. Does anyone know if this will get better? How long must it be?
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Dear prof
Very much of what you say resonates with me also. After 15months the final understanding that my soulmate Anne has gone from this world forever has finally hit home. We were married 50yrs. Ive made my will as you have and wish to join my soulmate but as you also state, and these words are mine. All I want is to be with my Anne again but I am fearful of the manner in which I die. I wish to goodness I could give you a formula that would help you. But as you and I know so called helpful comments from wellwishers fall very much on stoney ground. All I can say is those dreadfully long breakdowns involving heart wrenching grief and tears has subsided. But of course I still cry; and very often. I could go on but this post is about you my friend, not me. I dont know what more to say Prof other than you are on this site as we all are just trying to find a way foreward.
Love and Light
Geoff x
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Hi Chas . Yes I’m afaid I’m in the same Boat. Lost my Soulmate after a brief battle with Pancreatic Cancer this May. I still don’t really know if I’m standing on my head or my Arse half of the time. The first week I really did think about joining her, but I wasn’t brave enough. She was as Brave as a Lion through her Illness , so I think I owe it to her and carry on . It’s very hard as you well know and I’m crying like a Baby Writing this , but I’m told in time things will get easier.
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Hi. Prof, and welcome to the site we would rather not be on, but thank God for it. I find your post so sad, and I do feel with you. I am alone too, (apart from my friends on here and elsewhere). At first is does seem harder. I speak from personal experience and not everyone will feel the same. Grief is such a very personal thing. But we are in similar situations with no close relatives and on our own
Loneliness is one of the most difficult things to cope with. I was married a very long time too and there is still a big hole in my heart.
But after two years I am coping better. I have found a routine that suits me and I take it all day by day. That’s all any of us can do. Life is cruel at the best of times, but when we lose someone so close it goes beyond cruel.
Christmas this year will not be good for most of us. With covid and the time of year it all looks so bleak.
But now let’s look at things in a different light. Memories will come and if emotion comes with them let it. Blocking thoughts is not a good idea. All we do is suppress them Like trying to push a cork under water, it will always pop up somewhere else. Emotions should be allowed to come. Give them permission to. They are Nature’s way of relieving just a little stress. But as you are now it will be difficult to take this in. You don’t mention how long since your loved one passed. There is no method or time limit on grief. Everyone will do it in their own time and at their own pace. If you read the posts on here you will see that six months or six years makes no difference. Now in my experience it does get better. Honest it does. But it depends so much on our attitude to grief. At first I was not wanting to go on. Then I thought about moving, but realised we can’t escape from ourselves. Yes, it is a hard journey and the road is full of potholes, but we can cope and we can carry on, given the will. Courage we all have, and so do you. I am not minimising your pain, but only trying to give you some little hope. The distant light is very dim at the moment, if at all. But it does get brighter. Honest it does. Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
People on here will always give you some support and, maybe, a little comfort.
Blessings. John.
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@Prof It is always so sad when someone new joins this forum. We all remember our first post and how the care, love and kindness came pouring towards us. I can understand how you feel and being completely alone must be terrible. You two are like many of us here just a happy couple who spent their whole time together. Know what the other was going to say before they said it, laughing at the same silly jokes, loving each other totally and for many many years. You are also not alone in just wanting to be with your husband again. Why wouldn’t you! Keep posting on here and read about others and how or how not they are coping. Take care. 
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Hi Chas, gosh, I understand you. I lost my partner suddenly in September of this year. Uhggg such pain. Every day I just want to be with her and ask her if she is working on that. I know she is missing me as much as I miss her. COVID sucks. No funeral, no hugs and her ashes have not been buried yet. I miss the touch. I know it is early for me yet, but it is torture. Holidays coming up…whew, not lookin forward to that. Our anniversary is right before Christmas. Therapy is twice a week, but sometimes that doesn’t seem enough. Thank you for posting, as it has helped me. J
Hello Chas. I lost my darling Gill in July this year, just 5 weeks after her pancreatic cancer prognosis, It was beyond heartbreaking watching her shrink and progress from co-codamol to liquid morphine then finally the morphine pump. Every small detail of those last few days is seared into my brain. I wish I could erase those images but I never will. She was so incredibly brave right to the end. Like you I cry many times during the day, sometimes triggered by some thing or some thought but more often simply out of the blue. Unlike you I did actively consider suicide in the weeks immediately following her death but now, in week 12, I think I am beating those thoughts or is it simply cowardice? Like you, I am now totally without fear of death. I would still quite welcome it as it carries with it the chance of rejoining her again. The main solace offered by all the posts on SR, for me that is, is the comradeship
of those who really do understand our suffering and the love we share for each other. Day by day, my friend, day by day. Peter
Gosh! I’ve just joined the site and sat and been heartbroken by all the replies, i thought it may help reading of others distress and how they cope but to be honest it feels quite traumatic! I’m so sorry for everyones loss, i lost my lovely wife of 38 years in May, i miss her desperately. It wasn’t sudden, she suffered a bleed on the brain during a tumour operation and died two years later. I was doing alright at first this year but in the last 6 weeks i’ve struggled, sorry for such a first post, i didn’t know what say to be honest
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Hi Dean, so sorry for your loss xx
I lost my hubby just over 4 months ago very suddenly, tbh I’m up n down , today so far is a good day however I’ve had the most horrendous 10 days , just bursting into tears and feeling very low. I have to care for my elderly parents and tbh I think that keeps me motivated as I’m sure if I didn’t have to do that , I would just shut the door, keep the blinds closed and barricade myself away , but that is not and option x There are lots of lovely people on here, who will offer support and friendship , take care x
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Hello Dean
I agree it can become a bit overwhelming at times when you are in the early stages of grief but believe me when I say that after nearly two years here for me you will find kindness and support if you join in with this forum. Everyone of us knows exactly how you are feeling. The emotions that are running riot inside you are shared by us all. I too thought I was not doing too bad in the first weeks. So much to sort through kept me busy. I was really running around like a headless chicken. Too frightened to stop in case grief caught me. It did, and I had to face up to my life as it is now. So taking care of yourself and let yourself grieve is important.
Stay with the forum Dean and please don’t apologise.
Pat
xx
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Constantly