21 weeks and I cry every day.

I lost my soulmate suddenly at the end of May this year. Living without her is to tough even with support from my friends and to be honest I have no pleasure in life now, I cry every day and my friends say it will get better but I don’t think it will. I’m not suicidal but wish I’d gone with her as the pain of being left behind is too much to bear. I used to be afraid of dying but now I’m not, I just so want to be with her. Does anyone else feel like this? I’ve been through grief before but never like this, I feel so empty inside.

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Hello Chas, I’m very sorry you’re not coping well with the situation you find yourself in after 21 weeks. I am just a few weeks ahead of you on this horrible grief journey. In the beginning you were very kind to me by offering personal contact. I’m not coping brilliantly myself so I cannot offer you any worthwhile advice except to try some counselling if you haven’t already tried it. I have tried counselling but I felt it was too early in the process for me. This is not an easy journey and I hope you find a chink of light very soon.
Take care and warm wishes, AL

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Oh yes, @Chas, I feel exactly as you do, though only just over 13 weeks for me. No pleasure in life anymore when the person you want to spend it with is gone. Most days I just pray that the day will pass quickly, after I drag myself out of bed around 11am. I too feel lost and empty, the thought of spending the rest of my life like this horrifies and frightens me. Like you, I used to be afraid of dying, but no longer - it would be a release instead. Most days I try not to concentrate on anything, because thinking hurts, and go through each day in a strange state of numbness, but very occasionally I’ll suddenly think and feel that maybe, just maybe, I will be able to make it through this. But that sensation is always for a few fleeting seconds only, before I return to my numb, morose self. I’m afraid I don’t have any answers yet, but there are others here who may be able to offer help.
Take care and try to stay strong,
Alston

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Thank you AL, how are you coping? I tried to be positive but nothing seems worthwhile anymore, I still can’t believe she’s gone, my friends are good but it still doesn’t take away the pain, and as for Christmas I’m dreading it, our wedding annnivesary is just a few days after Christmas and how on earth can I cope with that? I hope it gets easier because life is so horrible at the moment.

It’s not a life anymore is it? I’m sorry for what you’re going through, it seems a carbon copy of how I feel.

Sudden death is such a shock, my wife went to bed and I found her dead the next day when I came home. , take care and thank you for the reply

Hi Chas and everyone that has replied to you.

I lost my partner in April, sudden death, I/we get it, the pain is unbearable and the future feels bleak, as AL2020 said, I’m not coping too well either at the moment. Total disbelief as to how this possibly could have happened and be real. I have had times up to now that I was able to function at a low level, but over the last week or so, I feel I am right back to the beginning, I am highly anxious and having panic attacks and just cry.

For me, friends and family are supportive, but, they can never understand how catastrophic loosing your partner and your future feels. The one person who could comfort you when you are in pain has gone. At least we have each other on this forum, I don’t know about everyone else, but I feel like I just need someone to cry with who understands.

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@Chas You have described exactly how many of us feel. People like @Crazy_Kate have posted some words of support and wisdom. I am hoping that the age old saying Time is a healer is true. I am 19 weeks into this and if I look back over those weeks I can detect a difference. Perhaps you can try to do that yourself or with a friend or councillor helping you. Our love didn’t die on that terrible day and their love for us didn’t die either. Take care :butterfly::broken_heart:

Dear Chas
Your feelings are perfectly normal my friend. 15 months on from the passing of my soulmate Anne I still feel empty with little or no enthusiasm to do anything. And yes, I long to join her as well. It really is a living hell Chas.
Love and Light
Geoff x

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Dear Geoff, I’m sorry that yiou lost you’re soulmate to such a cruel disease, we were married 16 and a half years but being with you’re Anne for so long must be the worst of the worst pain ever. I try and focus on the years of happiness we shared but nothing can ever mend the hole in my heart that’s been ripped away, what is life when we are parted from our loved ones, just an empty void that’s hurts like hell., we were together virtually 24 hours a day and now each day seems like an eternity, I know she wouldn’t want me to be like this but I truly wish we had gone together. Thank you for you’re reply .

Chas

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Chas, so sorry for your loss, it is still very raw for you, I lost my husband 19th May 2018, he passed away 38 hours after I was told further tests confirmed he’d got cancer, I am grateful he never got to know, no symptoms to detect something so severe, we celebrated our golden wedding anniversary in the March and exactly 2 months to the date I was attending his funeral, my whole world crumbled, I ceased to function properly, but as the time passed I began to have some not so bad days, then the not so bad days overtook the bad days, since then, I’ve had a good share of good days and not so good days, still have bad days, these are becoming less so as the time passes. It doesn’t mean I miss my husband any less, I still shed buckets of tears from time to time, only last week, I had 3 consecutive days where I had bad moments, but I came through them,

A dear friend of mine lost her husband 22 years ago, remarried 17 years ago, she told me that we never get over our loss, but we learn to live with it, they were kind words from her heart.

you can only take each day a day at a time , sometimes an hour at a time. Grief doesn’t have a time limit nor is there a quick fix, we have to learn to live through it, and as best we can. We do what makes our journey through our grief as best as we can, everyone on this site is truly supportive of each other.

hope today was an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

blessings
Jen🦋

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That is exactly how I have been feeling since my Rose passed away. I am waiting for some counselling, but much of the time I just don’t want to be here on my own any more. We were together for a total of 49 years and in the last 9 weeks I find it difficult to do things with any enthusiasm. I find nights, like now, worst. Just not being able to do the little things we used to. I can not get used to this loneliness and especially with all the other things going on. I am so sorry for your loss too and for anyone who loses someone really close. My sense of fun and reason for living has gone. People have been kind but I just feel so desolate.

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Dear @Malc39200, you have succinctly summed up exaclty how I feel too. Thank you. It’s reassuring to know we’re not alone.

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Hi Chas and all --Its 12 wks today since I lost David and just cant stop the tears today and logged on to be with others that understand --its just so overwhelming sometimes .The intense loneliness without our partner is so hard to deal with isn’t it -Im trying to think of something positive to say but failing dismally today but I know you all understand x

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@Trac We do understand :butterfly::broken_heart:

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Oh yes, we do all understand. The beauty of this site is that, although we may all be individuals and in different circumstances, we all have this common pain. It can be overwhelming at times and it seems it will never end, but it does ease as time passes, at least I have found it so after two years. I still think I hear the door open and look up. But I have got into a routine and I cope. Look after yourselves everyone. John.

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Hello, Chas,
I cry every day too. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly towards the end of March. I was so shocked it was some time before I cried and now I can’t stop. Actually, I think tears are good. I’m not afraid of dying and I don’t think I ever have been but I don’t want to die because I don’t want my son to ‘lose’ both of us yet. He is over the other side of the Atlantic and the ongoing situation has not been and is not easy for him and his family. I promised myself that I would get up, get dressed, keep normal levels of hygiene and have regular meals. I find the house very empty and my days long. Everyone thinks I am doing wonderfully and in the scheme of things I probably am. I’ve survived my husband’s birthday and our wedding anniversary (same day) and my own birthday. We’ll see what happens with Christmas. I’d just like some human contact. I’m sending you a virtual hug.

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Hi Chas, my hubby passed very suddenly and in front of me a week after his birthday in June this year! Our wedding anniversary was in August and with the help and support of our children I got through it! It wasn’t easy and tbh I cry more now than what I did when he first passed. I used to love Christmas but now it just won’t be the same. The house feels far to big and empty without him here , and I wish I could have one more day to tell him just how much I love him and always will xx one min I’m here trying to get on with the normal day to day things the next I am just crying and feeling so very alone! I am just trying to take each day as it comes but I don’t think it will ever get easier, I think we just learn to live and cope with it , sending you much love , Louise x

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Hi Chas. I feel for you so much. I lost my husband in June. He had a heart attack and we were hopeful he’d recover. It was over in 24 hours. Every morning I wake up crying. The anxiety is awful but I have counselling which is marvellous. I just can’t see things getting any better and every day is a struggle but we all in it together here. It helps to read these messages. Sending hugs to you and all here . Jen xx

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Hi, I lost my soulmate of 22 years mid May after he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at the end of January. Everything just seemed to happen so fast and I was only just getting my head around the cancer when he was taken. Since then his 4 children have fallen out with me over the will so I have lost contact with them and also 2 grandchildren so I feel especially alone at the moment as all my family live over in Scotland and I am in Ireland. Further to all of this is covid, I have been working from home since the end of January so the isolation is terrible and some days I don’t even want to get out of bed and carry on but I do because I know he would want me to. He would not want me to waste my life when he lost his. Last week I got the results of an MRI I had back in June as a follow up to surgery I had back in 2017 to remove a malignant brain tumour and either the tumour has regrown or a new one has appeared. At times I wonder if things could get any worse but I just have to keep going, as they say if you are going through hell just keep going. I talk to friends and family about how I feel and sleep when I need to sleep and cry when I need to cry. Everyone just has to be kind to themselves and believe this isn’t forever and easier times have to be ahead. Take care x

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Oh Elaine I don’t know what to say. As if it wasn’t enough to lose your loved one and then the issue with his children, you now have more to worry you. I wish I was in the position to offer you some meaningful advice but I know that nothing I could say would change the situation. I am so very sorry for the loss of your loved one.
I know you are going through hell but I hope you find some brightness before too long. Love and warmest wishes for your future. AL :broken_heart: x

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