Yeh i still got his ashes with me but i didnt know you could get a memorial tree too ? Interesting. Thanks xx
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Dear LynT,
I can empathise with most of what you’ve said & been going through some myself. I lost a loved one on 23rd March & that day was a teal struggle. As you say a fog & drifting from the here & now & to when they were still with me. I got through it obviously, just dealing with each emotion as it came. Wasn’t easy though, all the thoughts of what we had & the thoughts of, now we/ i don’t 
. I’m wishing you all the best & we know we aren’t alone. Take care x
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@LynT
How are you today?
I love the plant a tree idea…I’m away with all the family on the first year of his passing…I wanted to do something with lots of activities to keep my mind busy…
I’ve always wanted a
Cherry tree there blossom is so pretty and as my Chris was a cherries 
supporter it will be perfect…
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You’ve written so eloquently. It’s almost a year since my partner of 26yrs passed and I feel weirdly nervous. The first year without him only the thing is I don’t even think I’ve excepted it properly. To think he’ll never walk through the door calling me by my nickname and saying he’s bought me a pasty or offering to give me a lift. His intelligence and funny jokes. The amazing hugs. He said he’d never leave me not even in death and it’s like he never has. However like yourself I have to find a new now and I’m rather rubbish at doing that although I think he’d be proud of me. It’s what they would want for us. So I soldier on with making an effort but it is such an effort. I’m grateful to read others comments because for a long time I didn’t realise what I was feeling was even normal.
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Oh yes Mazy definitely normal. I always expect to walk into the room & see her sitting there in her chair. I only said to someone the other day that i miss the banter. I miss saying to her that i fancy a cuppa & her response would be, “so do i🤣.” Sometimes it’s just the little things but like you, i plod on & i know she’s proud of me & i know she’s still with me. You take care.
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@Mazy
I think they would indeed be proud of us…
I miss his hugs our morning cuddles, his complements ect… it’s a year for me in July and I’m not looking forward to reaching that 1st year where has the time gone! I have planned a family trip in memory something fun I’m sure he would want me to carry on… but it’s tough isn’t it 
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Scamp1 oh yes the banter, the cheesy jokes (usually from me). The trauma of loosing your partner or spouse is overwhelming and others can be terribly insensitive. Perhaps through ignorance or lack of compassion I’m not sure. One thing I’m learning is that there’s no time limit on grief, no instruction book, no right or wrong way. I think taking each day at a time is important. Remembering the positives, the blessings I had. How lucky I was to of had the years we had together. Knowing my partner would of stayed if he could of. I tell myself my partner is my shadow, that way he’s always with me and it’s oddly comforting. They’re still with us but in a different way. I hope that makes sense.
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Ilovehorse Yes definitely tough. Oh the cuddles you mention were just my favourite and also so comforting. Sometimes it’s like it’s all a crazy dream almost like in slow motion. Today 3 years ago we were told my partner had cancer again April 1st ( April fools day ) They said he’d beaten the first lot. We then had to wait until April 13th ( another unlucky for some date 
) only to be told it wasn’t a new cancer but the same cancer that hadn’t been originally cured. It had spread. Those dates are stamped in my head. Ironically my partner died 2 years to the day on finding out his cancer was incurable April 13th. We both had a dry humour and I sometimes wonder if he deliberately chose that date to pass on. Bless him. He was such a good man. I hope you have a good holiday. I myself will at some stage travel to see family. My partner wanted me to live a full life he said. Although it’s hard I’m going to try. Thank you for your kind message.
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Yes, makes perfect sense. I ask her for guidence all the time & i still giggle with her.
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Oh yeh its definately tough alright ! No doubt about it ! Crikey how im still here i have no idea ? I have good friends on here and dog walker friends ( 2 in particular) who got me through … jeez its a bloody tough road ! I wish he was here to tell me what to do … i hate making decisions by myself xx
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Is it 2 years for you ? 15 months for me but god its hard some days. I find keeping busy is best but on rubbish days like this when its raining and youre stuck in its bloody awful !!! Xx
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Debs5 hi It’s a year this month for me that my partner of 26yrs passed. I woke this morning and it took me a few hours to even bother with breakfast. I have various types of days. I try to keep busy but having a health condition does interfer with things. I try to stay positive as that’s what I know my partner would want. I talk to him a lot, always asking his advice. Crazy maybe but I’ve forgotten how to be me because it was always us for so long. I couldn’t join a forum before as it was to much emotionally for me but it’s been helpful to know I’m normal after all and so many others are in the same situation. We’re not alone and so many here understand and feel the same.
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@Deb5 @Mazy
Thought I’d post something lovely… I’m sat in my garden listening to the birds…we loved our garden together and I spot a nesting bird new life it makes you realise although our lives have stood still nature is a beautiful thing… I can’t wait to see the new chicks appear… @Mazy cancer is so cruel especially when your given hope sending hugs x
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Ilovehorse Yes I love nature and especially birds. Perfect photo 
Sending hugs back to you. I always seem to be the bird lady that everyone brings abandoned or damaged birds to. I’ve even had them literally fall in front of me. There’s nothing better than knowing I’ve done a little rescue. Enjoy the birds and garden, hope the weather is good xxx
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@Mazy
The bird lady haha my partner always said to me he could see me getting old not as a bag lady but a dog lady… only because I spent more time with my doggie… I’ve had exactly the same I had a kingfisher fly right at my window and drop at my feet… I popped him in the bushes I think he was stunned as his heart was still beating… I looked half an hour later and he was gone…
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Aw … how lovely i hope you get to see the chicks ! I got a lovely new grandson of 10 days old to remind me of new life too ! Its a very wonderful thing !! Xx
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Ilovehorses I’d love to see a kingfisher and even better to hold one. Yes birds get stunned by being drawn to the window reflection. I’ve seen it myself only with pigeons which make a massive bang. Not likely to happen at mine at the moment as the windows need a clean 
I’m glad you helped the bird 
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