Dear LynT,
I can empathise with most of what you’ve said & been going through some myself. I lost a loved one on 23rd March & that day was a teal struggle. As you say a fog & drifting from the here & now & to when they were still with me. I got through it obviously, just dealing with each emotion as it came. Wasn’t easy though, all the thoughts of what we had & the thoughts of, now we/ i don’t 
. I’m wishing you all the best & we know we aren’t alone. Take care x
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You’ve written so eloquently. It’s almost a year since my partner of 26yrs passed and I feel weirdly nervous. The first year without him only the thing is I don’t even think I’ve excepted it properly. To think he’ll never walk through the door calling me by my nickname and saying he’s bought me a pasty or offering to give me a lift. His intelligence and funny jokes. The amazing hugs. He said he’d never leave me not even in death and it’s like he never has. However like yourself I have to find a new now and I’m rather rubbish at doing that although I think he’d be proud of me. It’s what they would want for us. So I soldier on with making an effort but it is such an effort. I’m grateful to read others comments because for a long time I didn’t realise what I was feeling was even normal.
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Oh yes Mazy definitely normal. I always expect to walk into the room & see her sitting there in her chair. I only said to someone the other day that i miss the banter. I miss saying to her that i fancy a cuppa & her response would be, “so do i🤣.” Sometimes it’s just the little things but like you, i plod on & i know she’s proud of me & i know she’s still with me. You take care.
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Scamp1 oh yes the banter, the cheesy jokes (usually from me). The trauma of loosing your partner or spouse is overwhelming and others can be terribly insensitive. Perhaps through ignorance or lack of compassion I’m not sure. One thing I’m learning is that there’s no time limit on grief, no instruction book, no right or wrong way. I think taking each day at a time is important. Remembering the positives, the blessings I had. How lucky I was to of had the years we had together. Knowing my partner would of stayed if he could of. I tell myself my partner is my shadow, that way he’s always with me and it’s oddly comforting. They’re still with us but in a different way. I hope that makes sense.
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Ilovehorse Yes definitely tough. Oh the cuddles you mention were just my favourite and also so comforting. Sometimes it’s like it’s all a crazy dream almost like in slow motion. Today 3 years ago we were told my partner had cancer again April 1st ( April fools day ) They said he’d beaten the first lot. We then had to wait until April 13th ( another unlucky for some date 
) only to be told it wasn’t a new cancer but the same cancer that hadn’t been originally cured. It had spread. Those dates are stamped in my head. Ironically my partner died 2 years to the day on finding out his cancer was incurable April 13th. We both had a dry humour and I sometimes wonder if he deliberately chose that date to pass on. Bless him. He was such a good man. I hope you have a good holiday. I myself will at some stage travel to see family. My partner wanted me to live a full life he said. Although it’s hard I’m going to try. Thank you for your kind message.
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Yes, makes perfect sense. I ask her for guidence all the time & i still giggle with her.
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Oh yeh its definately tough alright ! No doubt about it ! Crikey how im still here i have no idea ? I have good friends on here and dog walker friends ( 2 in particular) who got me through … jeez its a bloody tough road ! I wish he was here to tell me what to do … i hate making decisions by myself 
xx
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Is it 2 years for you ? 15 months for me but god its hard some days. I find keeping busy is best but on rubbish days like this when its raining and youre stuck in its bloody awful !!! Xx
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Debs5 hi It’s a year this month for me that my partner of 26yrs passed. I woke this morning and it took me a few hours to even bother with breakfast. I have various types of days. I try to keep busy but having a health condition does interfer with things. I try to stay positive as that’s what I know my partner would want. I talk to him a lot, always asking his advice. Crazy maybe but I’ve forgotten how to be me because it was always us for so long. I couldn’t join a forum before as it was to much emotionally for me but it’s been helpful to know I’m normal after all and so many others are in the same situation. We’re not alone and so many here understand and feel the same.
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Ilovehorse Yes I love nature and especially birds. Perfect photo 
Sending hugs back to you. I always seem to be the bird lady that everyone brings abandoned or damaged birds to. I’ve even had them literally fall in front of me. There’s nothing better than knowing I’ve done a little rescue. Enjoy the birds and garden, hope the weather is good xxx
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Aw … how lovely i hope you get to see the chicks ! I got a lovely new grandson of 10 days old to remind me of new life too ! Its a very wonderful thing !! Xx
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Ilovehorses I’d love to see a kingfisher and even better to hold one. Yes birds get stunned by being drawn to the window reflection. I’ve seen it myself only with pigeons which make a massive bang. Not likely to happen at mine at the moment as the windows need a clean 
I’m glad you helped the bird 
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Debs5 oh my goodness. He’s so so cute. Congratulations what a blessing and a joy
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Ah bless, gorgeous boy. Yes, life goes on & stops for no one. We really should enjoy what we have but it is extremely hard at times. Our two dogs have got me through. I really don’t think i’d be here in a godd as state as i am, were it not for them. They needed me & i sure as hell needed them.
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Aww bless him, congratulations, he’s a beaut. I’m sure his grandad will be watching over him
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I hope so 
xx
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Oh my goodness. What a cute little bundle of joy 
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Hi @Scamp1
Yep, my two dogs have saved me too.
My little guardian angels in fluffy white coats 
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