2nd Anniversary and beyond

I wrote this post on 19th May, feeling I had reached another milestone, in many respects I had,

"Today is the second anniversary of Alan’s passing, last year I was in bits in the days coming up to the first anniversary, the day went ok, our son, daughter, her pug Winston, and my pug Ada all went for a meal after visiting the chapel of remembrance, it was very emotional for me, but we talked about Alan my husband and Alan their father, there were only happy times and the times he did funny things to make us laugh, he was like that. He loved his family, his home, his life, Life in general. when I came home it was like coming back after his passing and funeral all rolled into one. the last 12 months seemed to last a lifetime yet at the same time, flew by in the blink of an eye.

I’ve had life changing health issues during these last 12 months, and coping without his support has been an uphill struggle, but I managed, I had to. this lockdown has been a trial, yet at the same time, a time of reflection.

the past few days I’ve been very low , and again, I coped with it. I have a friend, who I met on the forum, we talk daily, helping each other. She is just entering her second year as I enter my third year. we have been helping each other through the sad times and the happier times and without her support, I honestly don’t think I would be where I am today. Anyway, back to my 2nd anniversary, today has passed by in the blink of an eye, I have been so engrossed in daily activities, the time flew by. Yet again, the worry and emotional anxiety faded into the ether. we spend so much time worrying about an upcoming anniversary that we miss the beauty of those times, the anniversary arrives and all those fears and the emotional anxiety we forced upon ourselves fade away, those days of worry needn’t have happened,

Today has been the same as any other say, yet at the same time, it’s been a special day for me. More so because I sense something Magical has happened. I accept Alan is no longer here, although, as I am a strong believer in the spirit world, I know he is always close by. my spirit has been lifted today, and I have done something I would never have dreamed of doing on an anniversary of his passing.

There is a travel group I belong to which caters for solo travellers and I have booked a cruise which begins are year today, 19th May 2021. never in my wildest dreams would I have contemplated this. This opportunity popped up from the group on my Facebook page, I hadn’t contemplated ever going away on his anniversary yet today it feels the right thing to do.

sorry for the War and Peace, I just wanted to demonstrate that we have to go through the grief, through the bereavement, our loss will never leave us, our love for our departed grows stronger and in turn helps us to grow stronger. It isn’t always true that time helps us to get through the dark times, it all depends on the individual and how they cope with their loss, how they cope with their life after their loss. Our departed loved ones wouldn’t want us to be sad, to be unhappy, we have to carry on and live this different life for the both of us. I saw today that Alan put the posting of this cruise in my line of vision, his way of telling me to enjoy the life i have left on the earth plane, I do feel his presence much stronger today and I embrace this completely. Today has been a really serene day, The birds are singing away too. I can feel my third year without Alan is going to be a more contented and happier year for me. I still miss him like hell and love him even more every single day. I see today as another milestone reached.

apologies for my ramblings, I hope it makes sense and is a comfort to at least one person, if not more.

this shows life without our loved ones can improve we can live this different life with laughter and contentment."

In many respects we reach or achieve many milestones, some we may not notice, thereby not really realising our true strength, others we may just walk past oblivious, we may even just rest awhile and reflect. it isn’t about how the rest of the world see us, it is about how we see ourselves. How far this dreadful journey has carried us, we still cry, we still ache, but we can still live, Life is a very precious gift and I for one had locked away this gift of life in the depth of my soul, my soul only has this spare room to hold the love I have for my lost husband, Alan, with this in mind, I’m releasing my gift to continue to live life for the two of us. I shall still encounter the darkest of days, of this I am certain, so I’m going to embrace these darkest days knowing they come to remind me how NOT to let my grief and despair overpower the good in me, the good in my life the good in the love I still and always will hold close in heart.

Blessings
hope today has been an improvement on yesterday and tomorrow is an improvement on today

Jen🦋

5 Likes

Hi. Jen. ‘Ramblings’, never!!! A lovely and heart warming post and a message for us all. Milestones come and go. Milestones denote how far it is along the hard journey we are all on. Each milestone is a movement forward in the new life we have been forced to make. Dark days do come, and after 17 months for me they still do. I accept it will happen and weather that particular storm until I get into calmer waters. Not to allow your grief and despair to overwhelm the good in you is a profound statement. Out of these awful times the good can and will emerge. No matter how sad we may be that good in us is always there. Good can equate with love. The love that never dies no matter how long we live. But that love did not die with our loss. It’s universal and also individual, all things to all and a wonderful panacea for all aspects of suffering. Let’s keep it in our hearts for always. Thanks Jen. Blessings.

4 Likes

Very articulate, not ramblings at all. Well done for negotiating this milestone. They are so hard and to get through with dignity is an achievement to be proud of.

My husband died in August 2017 after a five year struggle with cancer and just two weeks after our two much loved dogs died. My mother died in July 2018 and she was the last of my family.

A counsellor told me that grief never goes away, we simply wrap life around it and I believe that to be true. Sadly with self isolation due to Corvid on top of my normal isolation I don’t have much life to wrap around it at the moment. This makes the loss of my husband even more

1 Like

Dear Jen
Your post was very inspirational for me. The last 6 months since my husband died has left me reeling with shock. His cousin who we were both very close to died 3 months after him from undiagnosed cancer. When my husband died she came to stay with me. I was always thanking her for being there with me but she said she did it as much for her as for me. When I cried about all the things I would no longer be able to do with my husband and how much I would miss going to National Trust places and garden centres and shows she promised me I would still do these things with her. Of course now that won’t happen either and I have found I can’t look into the future yet. But reading your post has sort of reassured me that in time I will feel able to still do these things but with a friend or my daughter instead. It still feels wrong and somehow disloyal to contemplate these things. I know at some time those feelings will subside and at that point I can plan some things to do. So thank you for showing me that things will get easier with time.
x

1 Like

My heart goes out to you.
I hope you find the strength to do what you wanted to do. Like me, you have lovely children, so all is not lost.
I wish you all the best.
Love and hugs,
Ann

Back to top