3 and a half months now

It is now about 3 and a half months since I lost my hubby unexpectedly. Somedays I don’t feel too bad as try to keep busy, which helps, but sometimes even when I am feeling okay at that moment I sometimes just catch a glimpse of his photo and it feels like an electric shock through me or a knife through my heart and the realisation again that I will never see him or speak to him or hear his voice ever again. Actually, I do have a little video which is only 9 seconds long! But we filmed it quite by accident one day trying to get a camera to work and right at the very end I hear his voice for about 1 second but he sounds like my old Sid (before the Parkinson’s took hold). Sometimes I just play it over and over just to hear him. This is the first time I have ever been on my own as was married at 19 and don’t have any children. I don’t mind it as I have my dogs but sometimes the house still feels empty. I do talk to his ashes all the time and still tell him everything like he was still here. I don’t know about others but I am finding one of the most painful things is sorting through all his things, be it clothes or other things. Deciding to part with things is so, so difficult and painful. He was a very keen cyclist and raced a lot too and I have two bikes in the garage and I know it will be awful to see them go as they were a very important part of his life until Parkinson’s took that all away from him. It feels almost like a betrayal to sell them.

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I know exactly how you feel country girl and it nearly 2 years since my darling husband Ron died.I am doing so well and the I catch a glimpse of his photo and everything floods back, the holidays, Christmas, special days out, Everything! I can’t bear to look at his ashes because I cannot feel that there is anything there and is too sureal. I too have one small video of his voice but it hurts me too much to hear it. But grief causes different reactions in different people and we all move forward at a different pace.The grief is still so raw for you but it will get easier with time.Thete is another thread called 'Losing a partner’s on this site and the people on there are lovely.It might be better for you to post your feelings on there where you will hear first hand how we ate all coping.I am so sorry for your loss and wish you well.

Sorry for typing errors but I answered without my glasses on .

Thank you for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss. It’s strange isn’t that having their photo’s around is comforting but also very painful at the same time. Thanks for your advice about the ‘Losing a Partner’ thread, I will take a look. Take care x

It is just over 2 years since I lost my lifetime partner. Still trying to build a new life that doesn’t include him. Everyone tells you that you have your happy memories to hold on to and maybe that will happen but I still find it painful. So miss sharing good moments. I know I will be happy again but never truly happy xxx

Anne Mary. I know exactly what you mean. You can just never complete the picture.No matter what you do or see there is always something missing.

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