3 months and counting

It’s now been just over three months and I know now this empty/angry feeling won’t go. Just wish people would stop asking me how I am - I don’t want to answer in an impolite way, but the anger is with me. If David would walk through the door all would be well -so it will never be well. My mother tells me to put some lipstick on because it will cheer me up - don’t think so Mum.


So very sorry.

Sadly, some people just don’t understand.

We understand on here.

Sending a big hug.

Rose x

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Thank you Rose x

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I’m so sorry but I had to laugh as if lipstick could make this horrible journey we are on better,if only.People have no idea and don’t know what to say really.


Hello Pilot,
I am sorry for your loss, sadly most people dont want to know the true answer to how you are feeling right now. they are just being polite asking.

your mum is just worried about you I would think.

just take it one day at a time.


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Sorry for your loss

We all know how you feel on here,
and offer you support and understanding.
If people ask how I am I usually respond with tears. I can’t help it, the tears just come. Most people are very understanding

Sending you big hugs


What on earth is wrong with some of the people in this country, do they not understand how it is to lose a loved one? they say the most stupid things to us, at my wifes funeral one of her friends told me to keep the tea caddy topped up with tea bags, my wife had obviously told her that I would use the last one and put it back empty, I admit it, does her friend realise that every time I pick the damned thing up it reminds me what I have lost? try explaining that to someone outside this madness that is grief.
I think that we go through life not wanting to think about anything to do with death until we need to attend a funeral, when the funeral is over most of them avoid us like the plague and run back to their normal lives and avoid anything to do with death and grief, I look at these people and think you are in for a big surprise when grief enters your life.
Best wishes.


Hi Pilot, my partner passed away 4 months ago. Hate my home at the moment. I wish people would no come out with platitudes, if they have not experienced our losses. I hate the mornings, the silence. We can only hope we will heal in time.

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It’s been 3 months for me too, since I lost my husband my soul mate. He was 54 and passed away suddenly at home. I feel so guilty that I couldn’t help him I would gladly swap places with him. I feel like I’m just drifting, existing and not living. And with an ache in my heart :broken_heart:


It’s been 2 months since I lost my Andy who was only 55. I can totally relate . I’m ok with people that know me well but anyone else I just get so tearful. I have been on a break this week and I lit a candle :candle: in a church for him I just miss him so much .:broken_heart:



I’m so sorry that you’ve found youself a member of this club that nobody ever wanted to join. Lost my partner of 28 years 3 years ago from cancer. I’m retired now living alone for the first time in my life. When she passed all anyone said was how are you thats because they have no idea what to say. Its not their fault unless you’ve lost a partner you can’t possibly know what it feels like. Cope as best as you can and keep in touch with us on here as somebody has already said we all understand and know how you’re feeling.


Hi Christina - yes the mornings, silence, home - I am there too - yes we can hope - :heart:

Thank you so much for your kind reply - yes, it will be a long road for us all :heart:

Elm thank you - I am going to light a candle too xxx

Thank you Angela - yes the heartache is tangible :heart:

Thank you for you kind wishes Bootsie - everything reminds me too, everything. Oh, and the people - or at least some of them - I can see the faces drop when I bump into them. Guess they don’t know what to say so they just say something stupid. Trying to take those folk with a pinch of salt xx

Hi,just wanted to send you a quick message and to express my sadness on your behalf after having lost the one person that you love above everyone else.
It’s a truism that life is for the living and my goodness in the 11 months since Jacky died it’s been a painful lesson to learn. I look back sometimes at how I reacted when family or friends died and I have to say that I’m almost certainly guilty of not really “feeling,” how someone felt days weeks or months after.
There isn’t a comment from anyone on this forum during the last 11 months that contains something that I can’t relate to and sympathise with,however it took me the loss of a truly very special lady for this to happen.
What I’m trying to say is that I would dearly value anyone who genuinely wanted to know how I really am but for them to do that they would need to know the pain of our loss and I simply don’t want that of course.
So ! In what is already a pretty selfish world where the majority are going about their lives you me and everyone on here continue to struggle to find the few that really do “get it,” Like many others on here my standard reply to the rhetorical “how are you ?” is " I’m okay thanks," now eff orf ’ the last bit under my breath. :rofl:
Please tell mum that she wouldn’t want to see me in lipstick,although these days it would probably go un noticed.
Try and remain as detached as possible from those who don’t really know your pain,we do know so keep talking to us and it might help.

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Miker - thank you for all your kind and thoughtful advice. Everything you say rings so true - guess all of us on this site would agree. Will pass on to mum your sentiments about the lipstick :joy: Oh and yes, I make the same silent comment as you when the rhetorical question raises its head. It sort of cheers me up to imagine that I a bit of a secret rebel. Thank you :+1:

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