3 months and still don't know why?

Hello everyone.
Just recently joined the site. My mum passed away from cancer just over 3 months away. (16th Jan)
I think the grieving process has only just kicked in, as after she passed my feet didn’t touch the ground with my wedding being on the 19th March.
I’m now sat deep in my thoughts whilst away with work and I still wonder why her?
She was only 61 years young, didn’t do drugs, wasn’t an alcoholic. She did a lot for community with both the Scouts and the Air Training Corp (so much so the church was full the about 250 people when my brother and I carried her in)

I was so gutted she couldn’t be there on my wedding day in March and found it particularly hard when it came to Mothers Day as the last one I had spent deployed in Afghanistan)
The amazing team at Nettlebed told me it could be a while before the grief kicks in but it knocks me for six and weird things can trigger it.
I Guess as a male it’s hard to not have a strong exterior to those around me and I do talk about it as it does help, but I still just don’t know why her?

Sorry for the rant


Hello Lewis, firstly I want to welcome you to our Online Community. I hope that by reading the thoughts and experiences of others who are also grieving, you will find some comfort.
I don’t think any of us can give you an answer as to why your beloved mother died at such a young age. It sounds as if she was a wonderful lady, and it must have been so hard for you to follow her through her illness and death. Your life since then must have been confused - wanting to experience the joy of your wedding, but not having your Mum there with you.
All I can say Lewis is - please just take one day at a time, don’t be afraid to show your emotions to your family and friends, and continue talking about your mother and what she meant to you. With kind regards, Jackie

Hi Lewis,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your mum so soon before your wedding. There is no need to apologise for ranting, that’s what this site is here for! I hope that it helps a bit to have this space to get it all out.

You mentioned being a man, and how this may affect how you grieve or feel you should grieve. I thought you might like to know that there is another man here who l think must be a similar age to you - Paul also lost his mum in January (she was 62).

When he first posted, he felt that the grieving process hadn’t really started, but he has since updated about how he has been more able to talk about his mum and do more to remember her. You can read his posts here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/difficulty-grieving - and post a reply if you’d like to talk to him.

Hi Lewis,

I wondered how you were doing this week? Did it help at all to write it all down here?